The Torment of True Love
by KBans
Summary: A version of Twilight in the perspective of a completely new character, Nia, who is also a member of the Cullen family. Hear her story! (Please read and review)
1. Preface

**PREFACE**

I looked into his eyes; the crimson pupils glistened with thirst. I knew nothing I could say would stop him now. He was on a hunt.

I thought that by staring at him I could make him feel guilty, make him stop. There was no use; it was too late. He couldn't even resist a craving for the woman he loved…loves.

I was trying to speak, but the words were trapped. Instead, images of blood and a dead body flashed through my mind, images of him standing there, with a scarlet liquid oozing from his mouth.

He stared at me like I was distracting him, which was what I came here to do, but to think that _I _was a distraction, normally I'd be the one he didn't want to be distracted from.

His body twitched ever so slightly, mine was shaking. He slowly walked towards me; I couldn't bear to look at him. His long, thin hand reached up towards my face. His icy, bitter fingers stroked my cheek. "Sorry," he whispered. He took one last look into my eyes, trying to see if there were any way in which he would be able to stop what he was about to do, but he knew and so did I, that this would be one of the last times I would ever let him touch me. He stared for another second and then sped off; leaving me helpless and powerless.

I knew that as I stood here, the man I love had just left for his mission; to kill my best friend.


	2. 1 New Scent

**1. NEW SCENT**

A familiar scent suddenly filled the room, "Nia, wake up sweetheart," spoke a friendly, kind voice. Esme had come to awaken me, like she had done every morning since I joined the Cullen family thirty years ago. Esme; my aunty, but practically my mother. My mother died when I was twenty-one, and a while after that I came here. To Forks; the place that sun forgot.

I opened my eyes just a little so Esme was visible. Her long, brown, wavy hair hung down by the sides of her face. She wasn't the tallest of women, but she was definitely the most caring.

"Five more minutes," I blurred out and quickly snapped my eyes shut again. Somebody walked up to the door of my bedroom; my guess was Rosalie. Her scent was stronger, more like a hypnotic perfume. "You're not even supposed to sleep and you want five more minutes," she said spitefully. She was right though, I'm not supposed to sleep, but lucky for me I can.

Vampires don't sleep, its just something they don't need to do, but being half human enables me to do things which _normal_ or as I like to say, _boring_ vampires can't do, for instance I can: sleep, eat, drink, have children, and I don't sparkle in the sunlight which is a bonus. But I still get the privileges: super strength, super speed, (I'm faster than most vampires anyway) excellent sight and hearing and I don't age, like all the others. But there's one thing, no matter how much of a vampire you are, you will always have a thirst for blood, which can sometimes become your main motive in life. Rosalie had given up on trying to annoy me and disappeared.

"Nia sweetheart, you really have to wake up, I made you breakfast," Esme's sweet voice rang in my ears once more. Although the mention of food was very tempting, I decided it wasn't worth it, it's not like it keeps me alive or anything. I let out a short groan.

"She's not waking up," she said to somebody.

"I can sort that out." Emmett had entered the room. Emmett's appearance could be quite intimidating if you didn't know him. He was big – very, very big. There wasn't anything else you could say about him really. He seemed scary, but really he was just big and cuddly, like a teddy bear.

"Nia, wake up!" I was used to his bellowing voice, it didn't frighten me anymore. In fact, it was slightly humorous. I replied with a shake of my head, to indicate that I was not moving.

"I'll sit on you." For Emmett to sit on you was one of the worst things that he could do. If he sat on a human, he would kill them or just break every bone in their body. So when he sat on me, it didn't hurt as such, it was just…uncomfortable.

Before I could say no, I felt a huge weight fall on top of me. "Emmett!" I shouted.

In the back round, underneath my screaming and pleads for Emmett to get off me, I could hear Esme giggling. Finally, after much kicking and shouting, Emmett stood up. I jumped out of bed; goodness knows what I must have looked like. "EMMETT!" I screamed, I think the whole house shook. A few photo frames, which contained photos of friends and family, that were previously on top of my huge stack of CD's had now fallen on the floor. I wasn't in the mood for chasing Emmett around the woods today, so I left it at that and made my way down for breakfast.

"Good morning," Carlisle said, as if trying to calm me down. His eyes always reminded me of my mum. Carlisle was my uncle, my real uncle. In vampire families or better known as covens; you're not actually related to each other, but I am to Carlisle. Over a century ago, when Carlisle and my mother were human, they were brother and sister; it's a long story.

He's known as Doctor Cullen by everyone else. I think he must be the only vampire to ever be a doctor for so long. When other vampires hear about what he does, they can't believe how he manages to resist all the blood lying around. I was a doctor, and I loved it; helping people, making them better, and knowing that you could go into a highly infectious and contagious patients' room and not be harmed.

I went over to sit down at the breakfast bench. There, awaited me scrambled eggs on toast and freshly squeezed orange juice. Seeing this did make me a bit happier, but I was still irritated at Emmett.

As I ate, I could feel something inside me changing. I suddenly turned to Jasper who was sitting on the sofa, in front of the TV, having a discussion with Emmett about what seemed like baseball. Unfortunately, I don't ever have those discussions with the boys because I'm British and although we play it as a family sometimes, I'll never quite be at the point where I can make conversation about it.

"Don't even try it," I shouted across the room. Jasper turned to me, smirked, and then turned back to continue his conversation.

Jasper is a quieter member of the family. His longish blonde hair often hides the sides of his small face. Jasper has a power, in which he can change people's moods and feelings. Just now, he was trying to make me content, but I caught him out.

Just as I finished the last mouthful of my breakfast and gulped down the rest of my orange juice, Alice came skipping down the stairs. Her spiky, dark brown hair did not move out of place. I put my dishes in the sink and turned to meet a pair of wide eyes and a mousy face. "I picked out your clothes for today, they're on your bed," came her high pitched voice. I was used to Alice picking out my clothes, seeing as I was always running late and she was always on time. "Thanks," I replied.

I walked up stairs; Edward was on his way down. "Ready for another amazing day of high school?" I asked him sarcastically.

"Ready as always," he responded, with a tired yet amused look on his face. Edward and I had a little joke every morning which involved one of us making fun out of high school. We had all already been through it so many times; it was very tiresome and extremely boring. I carried on with my journey up the elongated stair case. The house is very big; it's more like a mansion.

I walked into my room and saw my outfit laid out for me. So without really looking at it, I put it on. I trust Alice enough to know that she wouldn't ever make me look like a fool. I took a quick glance in the mirror. I was wearing a white t-shirt with a black leather jacket on top, tight black jeans with knee-high black boots. The colours are a little dull for my liking, but who cares.

I strolled downstairs, with a click – clop every time I set a foot down. The whole family were waiting. And I noticed all of their expressions changed as they took in my image. Carlisle, Emmett and Jaspers' eyes all widened and their eyebrows rose an inch. Esme smiled politely, Rosalie rolled her eyes and Alice simply stood there smiling happily. Edward smirked, but was looking away. I wonder what he was thinking, or hearing.

"Have a good day at school, take care of each other," called Esme.

"We will," we shouted back. It was the same thing everyday.

The garage door opened and there lay the Cullen cars: Carlisle's black Mercedes, Edward's silver Volvo, Emmett's Jeep, Rosalie's red BMW convertible and lastly my babies; My gorgeous yellow Ferrari convertible and my prize possession; the motorbike.

I walked over to the motorbike and jumped on.

"Well, aren't you a little biker chick today?" said Emmett, with a sarcastic look on his face. I scowled back at him, "little?" I asked, almost insulted and kicked the bike to life.

"You know Esme doesn't like you riding that without a helmet," said Edward.

"Oh come on! What could possibly happen? I might fall off and break a nail – not even that!"

I sped off down the long drive way, followed by the Volvo and BMW.

I loved driving my bike. I felt free from everything. I knew the attention I was going to get when I reached school. All the boys would be gawking at me, either because of what I was wearing, or the bike. All the girls would be jealous because all the boys were looking at me. It was the same thing every day. We would arrive at school and although we've been at this school for a while now, people still can't seem to be over us yet. We're just vampires! Okay, maybe I see why, but it's not like they know that.

It started to drizzle. The weather here in Forks isn't great. In fact, it's terrible. It rains almost everyday, if it isn't raining, it's cloudy. There's the odd day where the sun comes out, but we have to stay indoors or go hunting to avoid revealing our secret. I tried to convince my family that nobody would notice if they saw a bunch of pale faced people sparkling in the sunlight, but they didn't buy it. I don't actually have to stay indoors when it's sunny, but it's not like I'm missing out on anything.

The school was insight now. The dull 'ForksHigh School' sign was blending in with the dreary weather. I drove passed an old lady on the street, who shook her head at me with disapproval. The medium sized, brick buildings were now visible through the trees and shrubs. How I loved the sight of them – not.

I turned into the parking lot, and as I had presumed, all the heads suddenly turned in my direction. I drove to our normal parking spaces, as did the rest of my family. I cut the engine and hopped off the bike. Everybody was looking at us yet again. We all hated the attention; it was nice sometimes, though all the time was just annoying.

I saw the head master walking towards me. He was small and plump; I probably towered over him in these boots. He looked around the age of forty-five. He waddled his way towards me. From the expression on his face, I think he was a bit uncomfortable. He cleared his throat,

"Miss Cullen, we would like all of our students to make sure they are one-hundred percent safe at all times," a bead of sweat rolled down his forehead, he quickly wiped it with a well-used handkerchief, "so we please ask you, that when you bring this vehicle-" his beady eyes wandered over to the bike, "- to school, you wear a helmet," he looked very nervous. I stepped a little closer to him and his head went a deep shade of pink.

"But sir, I don't like wearing a helmet," I said in my girliest voice. He looked like he was going to faint, but with a nod of conformation from Edward, he was alright.

"Okay then," he replied and scampered away. My family walked past me, towards school. Rosalie was shaking her head.

I took in the view of the buzzing parking lot. There's a new car parked; a big, old truck. I didn't know whose it was. It was rusting at the sides and it looked like it had been through a lot. Tyler suddenly came into view. He was a nice enough boy; it was quite easy to make conversation with him.

After I had a long discussion with Tyler about my bike and different kinds of cars, I made my way for class. English was first; it's the one I enjoy most. I walked into school, through the crowded corridors and to my room. I entered and saw Mr. Mason standing at the front, ordering his papers and pens. I went to sit in my normal place at the back of the class. But there was somebody there, sitting in the seat next to me. I've never seen her before, not even in town; she must be new. She looked up and, like everybody else, stared at me. Her eyes were a deep brown, as well as her hair. She was rather pale and looked weary.

"Hello," I said as welcoming as I could. She smiled back.

"I'm Nia," I said.

"I'm Bella," She replied. I sat down beside her.

A waft of sweet, floral scent entered my nose and my throat. Her scent was extraordinary. My throat suddenly began to burn like a fire. I clenched my hands onto the end of the desk, my eyes stayed wide open and my jaw tightened like I was trying to resist something. I was trying to resist her. I didn't make eye contact, in case she got frightened. Her blood smelt so divine, I was finding it hard to not jump out at her and rip her throat. I clenched the desk harder and chunk of hard plastic fell off into my hand. I crushed it completely, so it was nearly invisible, and sprinkled it onto the floor.

I had to try not to inhale her scent too much. I know I have to speak to her sometime, so I relaxed and took control over my thirst. I tried to think of other things, but she kept coming back. I could hear the sound of her blood rushing through her body and the slow, calm beating of her heart.

We spoke for a while during class. She told me about herself and why she had come here. She moved to Forks to live with her father because her mums' boyfriend had to travel a lot. Mr. Mason cleared his throat when he realised we were talking to imply for us to shut up.

I tried to listen to whatever Mr. Mason was draining on about but this new girl kept coming to mind. My mind was wondering. I could kill her, but then what would I do about everyone else in this room, kill them too? No, I can't kill her. No, I can resist – I can, I can, I can…

The bell suddenly rang, and I leapt from my seat. It would be impolite not to say goodbye in some form, so I shot a quick wave and smile at her and tried to hurry out of the room, but because I was looking at Bella I walked straight into the wall. I stepped back and tried to re-focus myself, Bella looked at me like I was a monkey, and then I left, making sure I walked through the door this time. Thank god I'm out of there. My next class was dance, so I could clear my mind from Bella.

I got changed into shorts and a t-shirt. I put the music on and let myself go. The music was slow, and I moved slowly to it. Every time the soft piano sounded, I moved with it. The song ended, so I paused for a second in my final position. There was silence.

"That was fantastic," said a soft voice. I turned around in a surprised shock. Edward was sitting on the bench with his arms and legs crossed, trying to read something.

"You scared me."

"Sorry," he apologised, still not tearing his eyes away from what looked like a newspaper.

Edward often came to watch me dance when he had a free period. I asked him why once and he said he liked to listen to my thoughts as I moved. Edward has a remarkable gift, in which he can read the mind of any thing he wants, whether they are human or vampire. We often have conversations through the mind, but of course he has to speak aloud.

I didn't mind him watching, it was quite nice to have company actually.

A couple of classes later and it was lunch. I looked forward to lunch because I got to eat everybody else's food. Well, everybody meaning my five cousins. I met up with Rosalie in the corridor, just in front of the cafeteria. Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Edward were already at the table.

Rosalie walked through the cafeteria. Everybody stared at her as she strutted to our table. All the boys had an eye on her bum. She _was _very beautiful. Her long, blonde, wavy hair hung down to the middle of her back. I then left to join them. I looked around at everybody's faces and I saw a familiar, pale one watching me; Bella. Her scent was not as strong as it had been before due to the mass amount of people in the room. I smiled at her as I walked pass, but I didn't see whether she saw, or acknowledged it.

I sat down next to Edward and put my elbow on his shoulder.

"So, what you got for me to eat today then?" I greedily asked the food wasters. Rosalie and Alice both pushed their trays heaving with food, in front of me. They know just what I like. I dug in. I cut a slice of pizza and pushed it onto my fork.

"Do you want some?" I asked Edward mockingly. I started shoving it into his face, trying to get it onto his perfectly, perfect features. I heard a bunch of girls describe him as that the other day; it made me laugh for hours. Many girls find Edward attractive, but I don't see how. To be honest, he looked quite gay to me; never had a hair out of place. Edward seemed to be uninterested in the food so I stopped and carried on with my feast.

Edward chuckled. "What?" I asked muffled because of the amount of food I had stuffed into my mouth. He was looking at Bella.

"So what does she think of us?" I asked him, everyone has different views on us, some of them are crazy. A few people thought we had come from an asylum, a few thought we were simply weird.

"I can't seem to hear _her_, but-" he paused for a moment and I took a sip of apple juice, "-from what I hear from Jessica, she thought we were 'going out.'"

I spat out the apple juice and it went flying from my mouth and onto the back of some girls' trousers, although she didn't seem to notice. Edward and I both stared at each other for about two seconds, without saying a word. A smile was creaking out of Edward's mouth and at that, we both burst out into hysterics. None of the humans seemed to notice, but the rest of our table turned to us. We laughed for quite a while, but then we managed to calm ourselves down.

"To think that a person like _me _would ever go out with a person like _you_ – HA!" I chuckled a little more. Edward looked at me and raised one eyebrow, I could guess he was saying something along the lines of, _'what's that supposed to mean?'_ I replied back to him through my mind,

_'Well, I guess, you're too good. I prefer bad boys.' I_ smiled a cheeky grin at him and he shook his head.

Lunch was over and Edward and I shared the next class, so we both walked to it together. Biology was something which did get boring after doing several times. We both entered the class room and sat down in our different places. We used to sit next to each other, but we got so bored we made up our own theories and started naming all the different types of metals and gases in the periodic table, so Mr. Banner moved us apart.

_'Have fun without me,'_ I thought in my head. Edward smiled. I went to sit in the middle of the room, next to Angela. She is nice and clever which makes things easier in lessons. She's quite pretty, but I don't think anyone notices it behind her squared glasses.

A, now familiar scent, filled the room. Bella was in this class as well? Her smell didn't seem to be as painful as before. She moved to sit next to Edward.

Edwards's whole body stiffened. I could see that he was having the same reaction to her smell as I did. He had just broken the bench table and was now crumbling it into dust, just like I had done. Oh dear, I hope he manages to last throughout the lesson. I should have warned him about her. His eyes turned black. He was looking at Bella like she was his prey. He wouldn't do anything though. He wouldn't take that risk. He looked very strained. Like a hungry lion being made to sit in front of its kill without touching it. Oh god, I hope he can cope.

I spent the whole of that lesson checking on Edward. He just kept staring at her. Poor girl, she doesn't even know what she's done wrong.

At that moment, the bell rang and Edward zoomed out of the room. Bella seemed to be okay, that stupid boy Mike had gone over to speak to her. I quickly ran out of the classroom to catch up with Edward. Alice was waiting for me,

"He's gone to the nurse, said he has a fever," she said worriedly. I nodded and proceeded with the rest of my day.

Edward knows what he is doing, he will be okay. I repeated that over and over in my head as I came out of history. Alice was there again, awaiting me, she must have known I would have been worrying about him, we both were.

"He's trying to change classes," she told me.

We both walked along the corridor and abruptly, Edward burst through the reception doors.

"What am I going to do?" He asked us; he sounded like he was in pain and his eyes reflected this too. Edward stormed out of the front entrance into the car lot, Alice and I quickly followed.

Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie sat in the cars waiting to go. Edward charged into his car and left hastily, followed by the others.

My bike, that old truck and a few other cars were left. I got onto my bike and started the engine. I saw Bella walk out of the school and she headed for the ancient piece of scrap metal. She didn't look very happy. She got in and sat there for a while, she was crying. I wanted to go and tell her that it wasn't her fault and that she could do nothing, but I thought that if I did so, I might just make her questionable.

So I decided to leave school and was now driving down the free way. I'm not much of a pessimist so I tried to look at the positive things of today: Edward was okay, Bella was still alive, nobody had been killed, and our secret was still kept. That seemed good enough for me.


	3. 2 Together Again

**2. TOGETHER AGAIN**

I parked my bike in the garage next to everybody else's cars, which had now returned to their cosy spots. I walked (which was basically sprinting) up to the house and opened the front door. I strolled into the lounge area. Edward was sitting on the floor. His head was in his knees and his hair wasn't as neat as it normally was. Everyone else surrounded him. Esme was sitting next to him, reassuring him that everything was okay, and going to be okay. She had a troubled look on her face, something that I was not used to. Carlisle was also trying to calm him down. Edward's eyes were black; he was thirsty - for Bella's blood.

Alice walked over to him and crouched down so she could talk to him properly.

"You weren't going to hurt her Edward, yes you thought about it, but you weren't going to do it, you held back," she calmed him. Alice's power is to see the future, of course the future is always changing, but once a mind is set on something, she can see it happen.

"I need to go hunting," Edward croaked out. He stood up and kept his shady, dim eyes on the floor. They were distant.

"We'll go with you," said Carlisle, meaning for all of us to join them in the killing trip. Everyone got up and headed for the door. I wasn't that thirsty and I only liked hunting with the whole family if it was going to be fun, so I stood in place.

"I'll stay here," I yelled, for they were already out of the door, down the steps, and heading into the forest.

I enjoyed being home alone. I felt rich having such a big house all to myself.

My biker outfit was getting a bit uncomfortable now, so I decided to go upstairs and get changed. I sat on my bed, which is in the far corner of my room, and gazed out of the enormous window, which covered most of the wall. I could see the whole forest, and the river behind it. There were millions of trees, most of which I had touched, climbed, and dreamt on. I could see the small town and the people in it. The sky was a greyish white, as usual. Though, it was beginning to change into twilight. I glanced over to my wall, where thousands of photos captured many great memories.

I walked over to it. There are a few of my mum and me. My favourite one is of both of us sitting on a bench, talking. She looked so much like Carlisle. She had pale skin, but brunette hair. She had gleaming white teeth and a beautiful smile. I was much darker to her in comparison. My father was a sailor from South Asia. He got killed in a vampire attack. He was human.

There's a photo of me and Edward laughing and then there's one of Edward laughing at me; I was lying on the floor. For a vampire, I seem to be rather clumsy.

There's one of: me and Emmett having a fight and one of me and Jasper playing cards; I think it was poker, Alice and Rosalie shopping, all with numerous bags and big smiles on our faces, one of Carlisle and Esme; that was from when I first became a Cullen.

And then, there's my favourite. All eight of us are huddled together, it was supposed to be one of us all smiling at the camera, but then I couldn't remember if I had turned the camera on, and everyone started groaning at me. While everyone was bickering, the photo took. It's the only photo where Rosalie doesn't look perfect. She hates it, but it makes me laugh every time I look at it. That's a photo to keep for life.

I went back to my window to open it, the sky had darkened slightly. I then went over to my pyjama draw and began to get changed.

As I pulled my pyjama top over my head, I heard something. There was a quiet thud and then it was calm, the noise sounded like it was deep breathing. I turned to where I thought the noise was coming from, still with the top over my head.

I listened harder; the noise was definitely breathing. I inhaled; to try and see if the scent was familiar. As I drew in a breath, a musty scent filled my nose. It smelt of the woods, trees, of wet soil, dirt, the fresh wind that hit your face first thing in the morning. It was familiar, but it was disguised under the smell of fabric conditioner from my top.

He chuckled, probably at the fact that I still had my t-shirt over my head, and seemed to be completely oblivious to the fact that there was somebody standing in my bedroom. He chuckled again. It was a male voice, a memorable, familiar chuckle. My insides felt funny and I had suddenly become very hot. If I could sweat, I would be pouring by now. My heart thumped so loudly, that I could hear it in my ears. Tremendous disbelief filled my heart as I realised who the stranger in my room was. It couldn't be him. It couldn't be the one and only person that made me feel this way. It couldn't.

I slowly pulled my top down over my face. I felt my jaw drop down to the floor and my eyes expand. There he stood. The one person I had only ever loved. He was standing in front of the window, so it looked like he had an ominous glow. He had his long, blond hair tied up in a pony tail that ran down his neck. He wasn't wearing a top or a jacket. His worn out jeans were very ripped and torn, and he was bare foot; typical. His hands and feet were darkened with dirt and his nails had discoloured slightly.

I drew my eyes back up to his face; his ruby irises caught my attention. He hadn't altered his ways, although he smiled the smile I loved most. His lips slid up towards the side of his face and his mouth became crooked. It was his, 'I know I'm cheeky' smile. I melted every time he did it. All of these things were not new sensations to me, just feelings that I hadn't received in a long time, but they would stay with me forever.

"Wow. You're still _so_ sexy," he smirked; classic James, to open with a vulgar comment.

"James, what are you-," I tried to ask, but before I could finish my sentence, he was at my side. His comforting arms were swiftly wrapped around my waist and he twirled me around to face him. He inhaled and then let out a long sigh, like he had finally found what he had been searching for. He gradually moved his cold, hard hands up from my waist to the sides of my face. He began to caress my cheeks with his fingers.

I closed my eyes and took in all the feelings. I knew what he was doing. _He_ knew what he was doing. He knew that just the sight of him made me weak at the knees and very vulnerable. I felt like I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to hold him close and breathe him in, but if I did that, one thing would lead to another and… well, you know.

I re-opened my eyes and saw his rough face looking intently at me. I had so many questions to ask him, but there was some sort of barrier around him, it always stopped me from talking; I was so mesmerised.

No, I had to fight this. He had to give me some answers.

"James, what are you doing here?" I broke from his hold and stood back so he couldn't catch me again.

"I came to see you," he said, like he was my best friend, "am I not allowed to see the lady I love?" He asked, sounding completely innocent. He tilted his head, as if he was asking a perfectly simple question, but that was it, it wasn't simple.

"No," I retorted back sharply. He laughed quietly – did he think I was joking?

He began to wander around my room, looking at the various pictures on the walls, acting as if I had never said anything. James smiled at each one he glimpsed at. When he reached the end of the wall, he stopped and looked like he was upset or let down.

"Where are all the pictures of us?" He asked softly, still looking at other various objects in the room. He then picked up my biology textbook and began flicking through it; he smirked at it a couple of times. I couldn't decide whether to tell him the truth about where the photos were, or lie. I could tell him the truth; they are under my bed in several different boxes, all slightly torn and soggy from the amount of times I had cried over them. Or I could lie and say that I threw them out. Why would I want to keep pictures of him, right?

"They're packed away somewhere, I hardly ever look at them," I half lied.

"You liar," sneered James. Damn it! He knew me too well; more than anyone else in the world. He knew me the best. I ignored him and decided to return with my questioning.

"Why have you come here James?" I demanded. He could probably tell that I was getting frustrated now because he stopped what he was doing and turned to face me.

"I miss you, and I know you miss me too, so don't try and deny it." I couldn't argue with that, he was right.

"But why now? I haven't seen you properly in thirty years," I asked, and he took a step closer.

"Properly?"

"You know what I mean." I snapped.

He sighed that disappointed sigh again, he never liked it when I was angry.

"I was in the area, so I thought I'd give you a surprise." Yep, he definitely succeeded in giving me a surprise.

The next two hours I spent with James. We stood, we sat. We argued, we reasoned. We groaned, we laughed. And it ended up just the way it always does; I was in his arms, talking about how good life used to be when we were together. Reminiscing about things we used to say and do. And, typical James dropped a few hints now and then about how good the sex was.

He stroked my hair and gazed at me like I was the most precious person in the world. I looked out of the window, at the mountain in the far distance. I could see a group of people running down it, at a very high speed.

I left my safety net and went up close to get a better look. Although the mountain was very far away and it was dark now, I could still see them quite clearly. There was a big, bulky figure with dark hair; Emmett. There was also a smaller, skinnier male, with bronze hair; Edward. The others were behind them also. They were on their way back.

"James you have to go," I murmured. He got up and stood behind me.

"Make me," he complained childishly. I turned and grimaced at him.

I looked back out of the window; they were getting closer. Unexpectedly, James flew to the other side of the room so his back was to the wall, he grabbed my waist and I travelled with him. He held me fixed at my lower back and drew me into his body; his grip was too tight for me to break free from. Once again, his hand came up to the side of my face and gently held it there. All the feelings came flooding and hit me again, like vicious waves on soft sand.

I struggled to get myself free from his firm grip. "James, please," I pleaded. He looked into my eyes for a moment and then leaned in to kiss me. I should have leant away, smacked him, and shouted at him. But the emotion was too strong and instead I leant in to kiss him back. It was a small, short kiss before I broke from his icy lips.

"No James," I whispered, although I didn't sound very threatening.

"I can't do this James, please," I tried for release but there was no use. He wasn't going to let me go and I truly didn't want him to. I wanted him to seize me in his clasp and never let me go, but I knew it was wrong. He kissed me again and this time I didn't fight for release. I let his frozen lips defeat mine. The passion was too strong to break from.

I found my hands sliding up his neck and intertwine in his tangled hair. He still held me close. He leant me back and ran his mouth along the front of my neck. I seemed to be the one pulling him closer now. He spun me around so my back was facing his body and he did the same with his lips along the side of my neck.

I hadn't been held like this by James in thirty years and it showed. I couldn't stop. All the time we were kissing, there was a small voice in the back of my mind, telling me to stop, but the other voice inside my head said that there wasn't any harm and I should just go for it. That one was winning at the moment. I could feel that we were slowly drifting back to my bed.

My heart was thumping rapidly, but the pace suddenly increased when I heard the front door close. I finally tore away from James.

"Oh my god, you have to go…now!" I shouted at him in a whisper. We both went over to the window.

"I'll be back," he said quietly, he kissed me on the head, jumped out of the window and ran into the forest. He was gone.

"We're back," Edward spoke. He was standing at my door, he looked much calmer now. I smiled in return.

"Are you going to explain, or do I have to ask?" He walked over to my bed and sat down. He picked up my tatty copy of Macbeth and began to flick through the stained pages.

He obviously now knew about James, he had read my thoughts about him. Edward knew a lot about me, he knew a lot about everyone. But, he always wanted to know more about my thoughts and my life. I suppose you could say we were close in that sense. Suddenly, a whole pile of word vomit poured out of my mouth.

"I haven't seen him in thirty years, well practically, and now he turns up and I don't know what he wants but I love him and I shouldn't but I do and I know its wrong but I can't help it-" I trembled on, without pausing.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, why is it wrong?" He looked puzzled.

"James isn't good Edward. He – he hunts humans…a lot." I said, sounding disgusted by the thought of it. I walked over and placed myself down next to Edward.

I spent a whole hour explaining to him about my painful past. He was sympathetic and caring.

"Wow," Edward finally said after much listening and talking from my behalf.

"Well, you know Nia, that whenever you need me, I'm here for you," he placed his hand on my shoulder; a reassuring gesture.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks." I whimpered back, for I was quite upset after having just spilled almost the entire contents of my love life into Edward. He got up and made his way out of the room. I was so busy worrying about myself, I had completely forgotten about Edward's problem. '_Are you going into school tomorrow?' _I thought.

"Maybe, I'll decide in the morning," he answered before he left, sounding tired and drained now. I was tired. I'd had enough excitement for one day.

I went downstairs and bid everybody a goodnight. Edward would probably spend his night reading. If I know Emmett and Jasper, they'll do anything competitive. Carlisle and Esme would probably cuddle up on the sofa. Rosalie would spend the whole night 'watching TV' when really, she'll think about how pretty she is and her looks (Edward told me). Who knows what Alice will be doing?

I don't know how they can spend the whole night doing something. How do they occupy themselves, well I think I just answered my own question.

I went back upstairs and slid into bed. I peeked out of the window. For some reason, I was expecting him to be there; smiling his cheeky smile. James really did drive me crazy. At that time, I began to think of everything I had said to Edward.

I first met James when I was twenty-five – yep, a long time ago. He adored me and I quite liked him too. We fell in love and I spent forty-one years with him. During those forty-one years, I was the happiest girl in the world. He treated me like I was the queen. We never fought or argued. I spent almost every minute of every day with him and I never got bored. He'd make me laugh everyday. He told me he loved me everyday. I thought he was the best man ever. And he was right about what he was saying earlier, the sex _was_ good. I thought nothing could ruin this romance.

Until, one day he came home and I thought I could smell something strange. He walked towards me and leant in to give me a kiss. I pushed him away and looked at his mouth; he had blood dripping from the corner of it. Human blood. I went crazy.

He told me he was like me; a vegetarian. (We only hunt on animal blood to save ourselves from being the monsters that we fear.) That was the first time we fought in all those years. He had lied to me everyday. He betrayed my trust.

After that I left him; he pleaded me to stay, said that we could work things out, said that he was sorry. But I couldn't look at his face without seeing the innocent humans that he had murdered.

I soon found my family and tried to forget everything about James. But our love was too strong to ever forget him. I still missed him everyday. There were so many times when I considered going back to him, but I stopped myself.

I did see him once every year since then; on Valentines Day. Before I found out the truth, every Valentines Day we would go out to this special place that overlooked the sea. It was beautiful. Each time we would have a _Titanic_ moment. But after we separated, we still both went there every year. I forced myself to believe that I went just to see whether he'd be there too; to see whether he still loved me. The real reason was because I wanted to see him. I knew perfectly well that every year, he would be waiting, arms wide open.

I had been thinking about James way too much today. It wasn't healthy. He does this to me every time I see him. He makes me consider him, into actually starting a relationship again. I needed to sleep, clear my head of all of this.

I closed my eyes and gradually fell into horror. The same thing played in my head; over and over. It was a scene from my past, where I knew I would never love again.

That was the night where the tormented and torturous dreams returned.


	4. 3 A Better Day

**3. A BETTER DAY**

Edward decided against going to school, but I still had to see that poor girls face.

I walked into English class as usual and saw Bella sitting in her usual seat. Except now, that irritating, sad excuse for a boy named Mike was sitting in my chair. I marched over to the dirty blonde schoolboy and stood behind him,

"Erm, what do you think your doing in my seat?" I asked menacingly. He twisted his, rather large head to face me. I loomed over him. "Well?" I questioned.

"Okay, chill out. I'm moving. Jeez!" He whimpered. He turned back to Bella and rolled his eyes like a girl would.

"Catch you later," he spoke to her. As he rose from my chair and began to walk away, I stuck my foot out in front of him. Being as stupid as he is, he tripped up and staggered across a few other people. Everyone laughed; even Bella was trying to hide a chuckle.

This was only my second English lesson with her, but I knew she was nice. She didn't seem to be like the other girls here. She didn't try to be centre of attention all the time; she didn't want to be.

"Hey, is Edward in today?" She asked a little drawn back, but trying to be subtle.

"No, he's…er…sick. That's right…he's ill." I was a terrible liar; I'd be surprised if she bought it. "Why?" I asked, curious.

She suddenly looked alarmed, like she didn't want to be asked that question.

"No – no reason, I was just wondering." She stuttered. Her scent was still appealing. I had learnt to take control over it, but for Edward it was for harder. I guess you could say that she was his very own personal brand of heroin. Once he had some, he just couldn't get enough.

I accepted Bella's excuse and continued with the rest of the lesson. The bell rang and Mike was instantly at her side again, helping her with her books and flashing his half decent smile every time she looked up. She isn't a child, why can't he leave her alone? It's pretty obvious she doesn't want him there.

The morning was slow. Nothing exciting happened; it was just another dreary day of tedious high school. The same things over and over again were trying to be drilled into my brain by the dim-witted teachers. I already know all of it, in fact, I know more than they do. What bothered me was that I wasn't even supposed to be here. I'm older than I look, so Carlisle thought it would be more appropriate to pretend I was the same age as the rest of my cousins. It's times like these where I wish I did age. In some ways, life would be so much simpler.

Lunch was easier to handle than the lessons. I sat in my normal place at our normal lunch table and ate like a normal person would. Bella walked into the cafeteria, along side that annoying girl Jessica, who only ever talked about herself. Bella looked like she was scared, like somebody was going to be watching her. I wonder if she was trying to avoid us. Her fair face lifted to glance at our table. She scanned through the others and then she met me. I smiled at her and she half smiled back.

Mike intercepted and took Bella and Jessica over to his table, where his less-important friends sat. No-one else seemed to be discussing anything interesting, so I kept my focus on Bella. She looked oddly out of place. She came across as being totally impassive to whatever the other humans were talking about. Her body language gave off that she was terribly uncomfortable. What was she so nervous about?

The whole of lunch, Bella sat there like she knew a bomb was going to go off or something. Maybe that's it. Maybe she's evil. Maybe she's a psycho, maybe-. Okay, my mind is starting to wander a little; it tends to do that quite often.

Lunch was over, so I slung by bag over my shoulder and made my way for biology. Oh, the joy of biology. I entered. Bella and Mike were in front of me. He was talking about an upcoming trip to the beach. I bet I won't be invited. Bella went over to her empty desk; I could see that she was glad Edward wouldn't be staring at her the whole lesson.

Biology was a drag as usual. Cells are only fun if you don't know the name of every single one, whether they be human, animal or plant.

I left school and walked to our parking spaces. We borrowed Edward's car today. He wouldn't let me drive it, said I was too hazardous. So I had to endure Rosalie's 60mph driving instead. We all got into the shiny Volvo.

All of a sudden there was a loud roaring sound. I turned to the rest of the lot to see what had caused it; Bella was sitting in her old, rusty truck, looking slightly embarrassed. I think she was looking in our direction, but I took no notice and continued. She drove past us and refrained from looking. We then left school and made our way home.

Esme greeted us with a warm smile as we entered the house. Edward wasn't in; he must have still been hunting.

"Any improvement?" I asked Esme, while taking out a chocolate bar from the cupboard. She shook her head. Edward was struggling to stay calm. He keeps coming up with all these different ways in which he would kill Bella. One of his ideas was that he takes her up into the mountains, so it looked like a bear had done it. Another one was that he did it while she was sleeping, so she would never know. And his latest one was that he would find a way to kill himself. Esme did not like that one - at all.

It was late afternoon. Edward had returned, but kept coming in and out of the house. Carlisle sat in the armchair reading the newspaper. I was watching, _'20 places to go before you die,'_ well I've got plenty of time to visit them.

Although I was totally engrossed in the programme, I could hear a quiet beeping coming from upstairs. I looked away from the television and saw that Carlisle had gone. He soon returned and went over to Esme,

"I have to go to the hospital, there's an emergency with one of my patients. I should be back shortly. Don't wait up." He chuckled and so did Esme, he kissed her on the head and made his way for the door.

I liked the hospital. Not because I enjoyed seeing sick people, but because it was interesting. It brought back memories.

"Carlisle, wait up," I shouted. I sped down, out of the house and caught him just before he got into his car.

"Can I come?" I asked.

"Sure," he smiled.

We sat in the car, listening to the police reports on the radio. All they did was drain on about how people are dying and you should be safe and all that crap. It was sending me to sleep. I turned over to a classical radio station. Classical music wasn't exactly my favourite, but it was relaxing. I had had long lectures from Edward about how you should listen to classical music and what you should pay attention to when listening to a piece. Yeah, like I would really do that.

A tall, clean, white building came into view. Carlisle cut the engine and we both walked inside. It was clinical as expected, but it wasn't anything too terrifying. I had visited the hospital numerous times before, so it was like school to me. We finally reached the lifts or more commonly known as elevators in America.

"How about we have a race up the stairs, we can see if you're getting old yet," I joked.

"And if somebody sees?" Carlisle enquired.

"Then we kill them," Carlisle didn't seem to realise I was joking. In the end, we opted for the lift. We went up to the second floor and walked out.

There was a large, round desk in front, where the nurses sat. On each of the sides, there were rooms going all the way up.

"You know your way around." Carlisle left and headed for his office which was on the left, ten rooms down. I walked over to the nurses' desk.

"Nia, is that you? You look so different. My, my, you've grown."

Yeah, I doubt that. That was Mrs Collins. She was a short, small lady; with a big hug. I greeted all of the nurses' separately. I knew all of them, from the amount of times I had been here. They all said how much I had grown. Maybe they were just being polite, because I was one million percent sure that I hadn't.

As I was talking to Mrs Green, I noticed something sitting on the lower desk top. It was picture of the family; the eight of us. Not the same one I had, but it was just as lovely. We were on the beach, on our own little island. It was a really sunny, hot day. I had to Photoshop it so that the others weren't all sparkling from the sun. We're all smiling, we're all truly happy. But why was it here? Mrs Thomas saw me looking at it and she said,

"It was in Dr. Cullen's office. Must've got misplaced, I needed to give that back to him actually."

Another, different nurse joined in with the conversation, "he adores you guys. Always talking about your family, he is. He tells us all the funny things you said or did. He really loves you and your family."

I smiled and they smiled too. I knew Carlisle cared for us, but I never knew he loved us this much. I have to say, it was good to know.

"It's not my family," I replied, "It's his."

"And he does look _very_ fetching," said one of the nurses, biting her lip. All of them suddenly got very excited.

"Oh, the other day; I didn't tell you about the other day, did I?" They chattered like teenagers. "I dropped my pen, and so he bent over-" all of them giggled, "-and his bum, ooh, it was so perfect. I couldn't keep myself from looking; it was just so gorgeous. Mrs. Cullen must be a very happy lady when they-"

I couldn't listen to this any longer, or else I might just vomit.

"Ladies, you're talking about my uncle here," I interrupted them. They apologised sincerely, but after I moved to the other side of the desk, they carried on with their frightful chats about Carlisle.

I loved the atmosphere here, even if it was a little disturbing sometimes. I like to help people. I like to make them feel better. I could control my thirst well. I walked to Carlisle's office and knocked on the door. He allowed me in and so I entered, but I hit my arm on the door handle, which distracted me from what I was trying to say.

"Carlisle, I want a job…here," I finally remembered. He lifted his head from the charts and papers lying on his desk. I knew he was going to decide against it, but I could try and put up a fight.

"Please Carlisle; I'm so bored at high school. You know I would be great here. I can control my thirst and I've had experience working in a hospital before. Please Carlisle, please?" I pleaded and pleaded, but the answer was still what I expected.

"Nia, maybe when you finish high school again, and we're forced to move because of appearance reasons, then," he paused for a moment, "and then, you can get a job at a hospital."

I heaved a sigh and left it. Shortly after that, we left the hospital and were at home not before long.

It was ten 'o' clock, so I decided that a few hours extra sleep couldn't hurt and I would go to bed. Again, I bid everyone goodnight and went upstairs.

As I walked into my room, somebody was sprawled across my bed, awaiting my arrival.

"James, what are you doing here?" It would have been a shout, but I didn't want the rest of the family to know. He sat upright,

"Why do you always ask me that?" he asked, irritated. Because you're always here when you're not supposed to be, I answered to myself.

"So, you went to the hospital?" He put. I ignored him, while trying to occupy myself with other things, but he continued, "I was gonna go, but I decided against it. I wouldn't want you to have a tantrum."

I scowled at him and yet he still continued, "I didn't want you to get in trouble like last time. All those empty beds; you just can't control yourself can you?" he smirked. I tried to hide a smile but it wasn't working.

The last time I was working at a hospital, James showed up for a surprise. We were still together then. I pulled him into one of the empty patients' rooms, so we could speak in private. James was being stupid as usual and I ended up tripping on something and we both fell onto the bed behind. As we lay there laughing, one on top of each other, the chief of medicine walked in and thought we were doing something else, or about to do something. That was the last time I ever worked in a hospital.

"Besides," he persisted, "I might have gotten a bit too thirsty." He stood up and started to move towards me. I felt the rage building up inside me. Whenever James talks about being thirsty, it makes me so livid. He disgusts me with how he acts about the way he hunts. He talks about it like its fun and amusing. It felt like I was getting hotter. If I was ordinary, my head would be bright red. I needed to lash out at him; I didn't want him here anymore.

"Yes, because that's all you do isn't it? You get thirsty and you kill." Once I had spoken, I realised that I should have phrased that a little differently. It sounded a bit hypocritical seeing as that's what I do, except for I kill animals.

James and I fought for a while. If I could, I would be screaming at him, but I didn't want my family to know that he was here. I didn't want them to know about James at all, but I would have to tell them eventually.

Finally, I became too tired to say anything more to him. We were only repeating ourselves anyway.

"I think you should leave now," I said through gritted teeth.

"I'm sorry," he apologised. Sorry wasn't quite good enough for me today,

"I think you should leave now," I repeated, this time with more sternness. He moved in to kiss me on the forehead, but I rigidly moved my head away. He looked regretful as he jumped out of the window and onto the ground, and so he should.

Today had not been one of my good days. It was fine until James showed up. I wonder if he'll get bored and soon stop coming here. Part of me hopes he does, and part of me hopes he doesn't. He makes me so confused! I love him, but I don't want to. I try and I try to just forget him, and then he shows up and everything comes straight back. I need to find a way to stop him from seeing me; I need to find a way to stop thinking about him. This is going to be tricky.

The weekend was going well. James hadn't bothered me, which was a smart move. Edward was much more relaxed now, and everything was _almost_ back to normal. I sat at the breakfast bench, playing a very advanced game of snap with Emmett. I was winning, even though he was cheating. This was our fifth game and I had beaten him three out of the five times. Emmett was a very bad loser and would not stop playing until he beat me completely. The others stood and sat around us, I'm not quite sure whether they were interested or just pretending they were. Rosalie sat next to Emmett, cheering him along of course.

Rosalie and Emmett were in love; they were together. Just like Alice and Jasper. The humans at school thought it was weird and I guess it would be if you saw a brother and sister, even if they were both adopted, kissing each other and holding hands.

I won yet again and Emmett decided that I must've been cheating somehow and gave up. We all went to sit on the sofa. Rosalie was trying to reassure Emmett that he did win.

"She's just saying that because you sleep with her," I smirked to Emmett.

"I bet you do that to your boyfriend," Rosalie said unpleasantly. What was she talking about? I don't have a boyfriend. I opened my mouth to ask what she was referring to, but I was interrupted by Alice,

"Don't try and deny it Nia," she peeped. I looked around to Edward to see if he could tell me what they were talking about. He looked down at the floor.

"So who's this James guy then?" Jasper asked. I felt my body freeze, even colder than it was already. I looked back at Edward. He was still staring at the floor. He told them? I thought he had a little more decency than that. He shot his head up and gaped at me; he had probably heard that.

"I didn't tell them," he sounded offended, like I had hurt his feelings.

"We can hear you at night while your asleep, screaming about him," Emmett made his voice higher in order to imitate me, "Oh James. No, please. Oh James. No, don't. Please James. I love you James. Please. No. James." He then let out a deafening, but sarcastic scream. Everyone was laughing apart from Edward and me. Edward glimpsed at me, apologetically. He knew how I felt about James; he knew why I had those nightmares.

_'Don't worry; it's not your fault.' _I thought. I suddenly felt very upset. I couldn't move and I couldn't breathe, even though I didn't need to.

"We can guess what you were doing in that dream," joked Emmett. Without thinking, I ran upstairs and collapsed onto my bed. I curled up into a tight ball and trembled. I could feel something wet falling down my face; tears. This was the human part of me shining through; the crying, the trembling. Those were things that I shouldn't be able to do and I wish I couldn't. All of a sudden, the bed dipped by my head.

"I'm sorry babe," it was Emmett, "Edward just told us about that son of a –" I stopped him before he could utter his insult. I sat up and wiped my face.

"It's okay, he is a son of a – that thing." Emmett laughed and led me back downstairs. Everyone apologised and I thanked Edward.

I went to sit next to him. His eyes were the bronze colour they should be.

'_Are you coming back to school?' _I requested in my head. I was worried about Edward, we all were. But, I was deeply worried for him. Although he was older than me, (in vampire years) it still felt like he was my little brother. I looked out for him and he looked after me.

"Her scent is too appealing to me," he started. I couldn't decide if this was a good thing or bad, "I've tried staying away from her, and it hasn't worked. My only option left is to face it. So yes, I am coming back." He half smiled; he was pleased with himself.

_'YAY!' _I shouted in my head and kind of jumped on him and hugged him at the same time.

Monday morning was the same routine as any other day. We rode into school and parked in our spaces. The weather was cold, but it was not raining to my surprise.

I walked into English after departing from my cousins. Mike was sitting on the other side of Bella this time. Shame, it would have been nice to see him fall over again. I greeted Bella with a hello and sarcastically blew a flying kiss to Mike. I'm not sure if he realised it was sarcastic though. Mr Mason greeted the class by telling us we had a pop quiz. It was based on _'Wuthering Heights'._ It was extremely easy, very straightforward. I was surprised Bella hadn't asked me if Edward was in, maybe she had assumed he wasn't coming in any more.

The class ended and most people stormed out, complaining about how hard the quiz was. But they were quickly distracted by the swirling bits of white flakes, floating through the air. I walked out into the frost bitten space, although it didn't affect me much.

"Wow," Mike said. "It's snowing."

"Well done genius," I said as I walked past him and smacked him around the head with one of my textbooks. I could hear him complaining as I sauntered towards the only people who weren't shivering, but I didn't care what he had to say about me. It was the things he said about my family that made me mad.

They all stood there, picture perfect, with white flakes stuck to their faces and resting in their hair. I was a little warmer than the others, so it wasn't an issue for me. I nudged them and reminded them that they have to shake it off; otherwise people might become a bit suspicious as to why the snow still hasn't melted off them after an hour later.

I looked around the lot and saw that nearly everyone had broken out into snowball fights. Without warning, I felt something wet smack me on my back and explode around me. Emmett and Jasper were leaning against our car, grinning like monkeys. I grimaced at them and then swiftly bent down, scooped up a lump of snow, moulded it into a ball and threw it at the two of them; all before they even noticed. Myself, Edward and the two monkeys broke into a snow fight. We had to remember not to be too fast. Alice and Rosalie kept clear and shielded themselves behind the car.

Unfortunately, we had to go back inside. I slipped on the way in and Emmett made a joke about how clumsy I was. The rest of the morning was filled with excited boys and girls chatting about the snow. Lunch came by quickly. On the journey from my class to the cafeteria, there were flying snowballs everywhere. When I finally got to my destination, after ducking and dodging the icy clumps of snow, I sat down next to Edward.

He had a tray waiting for me, packed with all the things I like. He pushed a bowl beside my tray. It was filled with green stuff, and lots of it.

"Salad…really?" I asked. I didn't do healthy. Chips and Pizza was all I needed.

I could sense that Edward had stiffened beside me. I turned to him; his eyes were staring straight at her. Bella walked into the cafeteria with her usual group. She was also frozen, looking shocked, in our direction. She persisted with buying her meal, but Edward didn't move his eyes.

'_Look away,' _I said in my head and Edward slowly twisted his gaze elsewhere.

Emmett shook his dripping hair like a wet dog. Masses of cold snow came soaring out, onto all of us. We all laughed, Alice and Rosalie were leaning away, like he had a disease. I noticed Bella was watching us again, unaware that I had seen her.

"She's looking isn't she?" Edward said swiftly. I nodded.

"I can't hear her, and I don't know why. It's very irritating," he muttered. I didn't know how to reply so I just nodded again. For the rest of the lunch hour, Edward kept staring at Bella and she kept her eyes on her own table.

We walked to Biology as usual. Everyone's moods had lowered because it was raining, and therefore all the snow was melting. We entered the class, it was half full. Bella was sitting at the work bench, staring down at her notebook. Edward sighed. _'Good luck,' _I wished him.

I took my place next to Angela, who was already waiting and rearing to go. Edward and Bella were talking. Edward seemed more relaxed this time, more himself, although Bella looked like she was a little freaked out. Mr Banner began class. Our task was to separate the slides of onion root tip cells into the phases of mitosis they represented and label them accordingly; piece of cake. He gave us twenty minutes, but we wouldn't need that long. Angela and I began to look through the slides. She placed the first one on. She examined it for a while.

"I'm not too sure. It could be this, or that," she said pointing at her textbook.

"Can I look?" I asked. She pushed the microscope towards me. It only took me one, swift glance to know what it was. "Prophase," I stated confidently. Angela quickly scribbled it down into her book. She knew that I was always right, so she didn't bother questioning it.

I continued to look between the slides and Edward, just making sure he hadn't killed Bella yet. "Anaphase," I murmured, and again, Angela wrote in down. I grabbed slide three and put it into place.

"Can I take a look?" Angela asked nervously. I pushed the microscope towards her, keeping my eyes on Edward. They were doing their work, speaking to each other discretely. "I think its Interphase," she stuttered. I took back the microscope and took one quick glance. I nodded and she scrawled it down on her paper. Edward was handling the situation very well. He hadn't even broken the work bench this time. He looked like he was enjoying himself. Edward and Bella were making good conversation.

Angela and I finished our work and sat in silence. She was going over some notes and I was focusing on Edward and Bella. If Edward made one mistake, dropped one hint, about giving into his temptation, I would have to be there, at his side. I would have to stop him. I decided to stop giving them privacy and listen in on their conversation.

"Hey, did you get contacts?" Bella asked, flustered. Edward looked puzzled and nervous. She had noticed the colour change in his eyes. They went from a flat black to a dark gold, of course she would. "No," Edward replied, bluntly.

For the next few minutes, Edward and Bella continued on with their conversation. Discussing relatively the same things I did with her on the first day we met. Mr. Banner was explaining something on the overhead projector, something uninteresting and totally worthless.

By the time class had finished, my interest in Edward had left. I was sure he wasn't going to do anything to Bella, so I left them to it. Everyone complained about how difficult the work was while Edward, Bella, Angela and I kept quiet.

Edward and I walked into the lot as usual and I jumped into his car. "I suppose your taking a ride with me then?" He queried. I smiled and put the radio on.

_'Are you going to get in, or what?' _I thought. He acted as if he didn't hear me and leant against the side of the car. He was watching her again. He was always watching her and I could tell he was always thinking about her as well.

Bella slid into the rusting truck and roared the engine. She reversed out of her space, and as she did so; she was inches away from hitting another car. Her mind was obviously somewhere else. She glanced in our direction and then sped off. I then heard someone chuckling. I looked out of the window, Edward was laughing at her. Not in a mean sort of way, but a way that I cant quite describe.

A way that told me, from that point, I knew Edward and Bella would have something. Whether it be hate, friendship or even love; I knew they would have a future.


	5. 4 Accident

**4. ACCIDENT**

James walked towards me, his hands and mouth covered in blood. He reached his hand out to mine. "NO!" I screamed; louder, and louder. It went black, pitch black. The darkness was frightening. Unexpectedly, the sun's rays shone through and revealed a mirror. I stood in front of the mirror, I was scared at the revelation, it was now my hands which were wet with warm, red blood. I screamed again; louder, and louder.

I shot upright; my heart beating fast, my breathing heavy. I looked franticly at my hands, but they were clean. It was a dream. It was just a dream. I inhaled deeply and my heart calmed.

My room was bright. It was glowing from a reflection. I got up and looked out of the window. A layer of clean, white, brilliant snow sat softly on the ground. It lay so serene, so still. There was a trail of tiny foot prints leading into the picturesque forest; a deer I presumed.

Once I had gotten ready, I traipsed downstairs.

"Rough night?" Emmett asked. I nodded, was it really that obvious? Esme came over and gave me an affectionate hug. I ate breakfast as normal; by myself.

We all left for school. Emmett, Jasper, Edward and I had a snowball fight again, while Rosalie and Alice jumped into the cars. I wasn't going to drive today; _I _couldn't even trust myself to drive in snow. Edward drove his car, so I rode with him. The road was icy and slippery, although Edward had perfect control over the vehicle. For the first time in a while, he looked eager to get to school. He looked like he wanted to see something or someone. My guess was Bella. He had become rather interested in her since that biology lesson. I don't know whether it was because he was eventually going to kill her or because he wanted to be her friend. Whatever the reason, it was starting to freak me out a bit.

"Sorry," he apologised. He had been listening to me.

"Don't you know it's rude to eavesdrop?" I asked. He scoffed, and didn't look highly amused. The rest of the journey we were quiet, with the occasional conversation about something random.

We arrived at school, where everybody was standing outside in the cold. They always complained about the cold, so why didn't they stand inside? Humans; I would never understand them.

Bella drove in with her big truck. I was standing four cars down. She had snow chains attached to her wheels. Aw, bless her. She got out of the truck and examined the chains herself, must've been her father who had put them on. He is a police officer, so safety is naturally his top priority, especially his daughters.

She stood at the back corner of her truck, looking overwhelmed by the snow chains. Suddenly there was a high pitched screech and it was getting closer to where we were. I turned my head. People were shouting and screaming. They looked scared and startled.

Tyler's van was skidding towards us, out of control and wild. I could stop it; I could grab it from behind and pull it to a halt. But I couldn't expose myself; there was no excuse for being _that _strong.

The van span out of control and instead of now heading my way, it turned and charged toward the one person who would be absolutely helpless. She stood by herself, with no one around her to be able to pull her out of the way fast enough. The truck hurtled towards Bella, as she stood there perplexed. She turned and looked at Edward. Why, I'm not quite sure. I had noticed that she seemed to have become fascinated with him recently too. Edward looked shocked, the same as everybody else in the car lot.

Bella did nothing but stand there helplessly, looking at Edward like she was looking for the last time. The dark blue van carried on hurtling towards her. It was going to smash into the back side of her truck, exactly where she was standing; it was going to crush her.

I had to save her, I had to run and push her or the van out of the way. If I was fast enough, nobody would see me. It would be like a flash of lightning. I took one step forwards, ready to save Bella's life. As I built up the momentum, a firm grasp took my arm and pulled me back. Alice looked me in the eyes, they were full of anxiousness. She slowly shook her head. She didn't want me to go; she wasn't allowing me to save Bella. I could hear the van sliding. I didn't know what she was doing; why she wanted Bella to die.

Her eyes flicked away from mine and up. Her jaw tight and her face now worried. The van was going to crush Bella any second. I turned to see the last of what would be Bella Swan. I would miss her in English; she was nice to talk to.

Out of the blue, there was a rapid swoosh across the lot, too fast for human eyes to see. Edward was no longer standing by his car. He was running, running for her life. Alice had stopped me from saving her, because she knew he would. She had seen it.

Instead of a clattering noise of the van hitting Bella and her truck, there was a loud thud. The van had stopped a couple of inches away from its victim.

Edward should have fled by now, he shouldn't stay there with Bella, people would realise he stopped the van. But the pale white figure was still behind the truck. I soon realised the screaming and shouting of Bella's name coming from all directions. Someone shouted to get Tyler out of the van, others were shouting for an ambulance, others (mostly girls) were screaming in horror, and Mike Newton looked like he was going to cry; he's such a girl pants.

Edward still hadn't moved, and he needed to – people were running towards the accident. They couldn't see Edward there, they mustn't. So, I ran towards the cars that had almost collided together. I was now running to save Edward, to save him from revealing our family secret. I stopped at a gap where the vehicles were apart.

"Edward!" I said hurriedly. I saw the damage; there was a dent in the side of Tyler's van, where Edward had presumably pushed the van away. He got up at once, revealing Bella's baffled face. She wasn't stupid, and I guessed that she had wondered how Edward had reached her so quickly and how he had made that dent with just the small of his hand. Edward jumped over the back of Bella's bulky truck and we both ran into the forest.

We stopped, he looked scared and worried. "Nobody noticed I was there, we're okay," he reassured me.

_'Are you okay?' _I thought. He looked at me, questioning my request, although he eventually ignored it.

_'Edward, that was risky, you can't go around doing things like that.' _I thought calmly. His expression turned angry and frustrated.

"What did you want me to do? Leave her to die? You were going to go, weren't you?" He had a point, and I couldn't argue with him.

"Would you rather people became _suspicious _about us, or would you prefer if her blood was spilled across the ground? Don't you think people would be more suspicious, if they saw our reaction to her blood?" He was right; there was nothing I could say.

"I'm going to the hospital to see if she's okay," he said calmer. I smiled and nodded. He ran away and I turned back to the school.

The rest of my family were still standing by their cars, their expressions a mix of disapproval and fury. They didn't understand Edward's logic.

"What the hell was he thinking?!" Rosalie murmured angrily.

"Hey," I called after her, "it wasn't his fault; he had to." She turned around to face me and grimaced.

"Oh yeah, it wasn't _his _fault that we nearly got revealed. We would have been ruined, that Bella girl might remember everything and then we're screwed." Rosalie panicked, but her tone was unfriendly and harsh.

"He was trying to defend us," I said. She scoffed in return. Then I stole Edward's line,

"Wouldn't you rather people became slightly suspicious about us, than watch us react to the blood that trickles along the ground? How do you think people are going to react when they see us run towards the blood and start licking it off the pavement, hm?"

I was angry at Rosalie, I was shouting at her, though not loud enough for everyone to hear. The argument was growing, I could feel the anger rising inside of me and I could see it growing in her.

"He could have ruined the family, if we exposed ourselves; we would have been killed by the Vol –" I cut her off, I was so angry with her I didn't think what she said mattered.

"We would have worked it out." I tried to reason with her. Alice, Jasper and Emmett were all watching nervously from the side.

"Well, it's not like you've got anything to lose anyway. What have you got Nia? Nothing. You haven't got anything. You haven't got that James guy either." She glowered.

She knew she had touched a soft spot by mentioning him. I bit my lip hard and clenched my fists to try and stop myself from jumping on her and pulling her hair out.

"Shut. Up." I warned her. If she carried on, I could not be responsible for my actions.

"Why? Because you know that he doesn't really love you. Because you know that he's just using you. You have to make everything about you. At least I have Emmett, who loves me!"

She was being spiteful now. Emmett touched her arm, in order to hold her back from the nasty comments. She had hurt me with the thing that could damage me the most, and now I was going to hurt her. I didn't care about being mean, or selfish. She had gone too far and it was time for me to do the same.

"Well, at least I can have children! I can make a family!" I paused and thought whether or not to say the next bit, "I can be a mother!" I shouted at her. A few heads turned from afar, but they didn't seem to be bothered. Rosalie's eyes were blazing with fury. She screwed up her fists and I did the same. She took a lunge forward and I followed.

"That's it," she proclaimed and lunged even further forward.

"Come on then, bring it," I replied.

Emmett stepped in between us both, just before we were about to plunge at each other. He held up a hand to both of our faces, more people were staring now, wondering what was going on.

I straightened up and relaxed my face. I turned from Rosalie to the decent members of my family.

"I'm going to the hospital, to check on Edward-" I said calmly, they nodded.

I turned back to Rosalie who was still restless, "-**_and_** Bella," I stated, just because I knew that she wasn't too keen on Bella right now. I turned my back to the family and ran into the forest, leaving that wench behind.

When I got to the hospital, it was busier than usual. I wondered the corridors, chatting with a few nurses on the way. Finally, I found Carlisle standing in the hall. He had just been talking to a nurse. She ogled at him while she took his orders and then scurried away. Carlisle noticed my arrival and welcomed me with a smile. I could barely return the gesture following what had just happened. "Where's Edward?" I asked, looking around to see if he were there.

"He's with Bella. Nia, what's wrong?" He looked worried as to why I wasn't smiling. I shook my head, I didn't want to talk about it and get a lecture about how we should love each other and not fight. He raised an eyebrow; I gave in.

"Rosalie and I may have had a little…tiny…argument." He shook his head and sighed. Then he looked past my head, behind me. I followed his stare. Rosalie stood rigid and still next to Emmett. "I think we should leave them to talk. Girls, you can go into my office and sort this out," said Carlisle.

Rosalie and I walked to his office in silence, and entered in silence. I sat on the armchair, while she stood in front of the door. I didn't make eye contact with her, instead our eyes wandered around the office. There were diagrams on the walls and a few paintings of the sea. The picture of the family had been returned to Carlisle's desk.

One of us had to say something sometime, and I knew that she wasn't going to be the first to speak. Rosalie is definitely not the type of girl who apologises first. Well, I might as well break the silence.

"Rosalie, I'm sorry I said those things. I know how much you want to be a mother and it wasn't fair." I started. We were looking at each other now, but still both rather uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry too. I know how hard things are with James," I winced at the sound of his name, "I shouldn't have mentioned him," she looked very sorry, and I don't know if I did too, but I felt it. Rosalie's always wanted to have children and make a family, that's why she hates being a vampire. There couldn't be anything worse in her life than not to have children.

"Did you see the look on Emmett's face?" I joked, "he looked like he was going to wet himself." We both laughed and exited the room. Carlisle and Emmett were shocked to see us smiling and laughing with one-another, but Carlisle also had a sign of relief in his eyes. We joined them and stood in a small circle.

Just when I thought Rosalie didn't have any more argument left in her, I was wrong. She spent the next fifteen minutes explaining to Carlisle why Edward was so stupid for doing what he did. Although, Carlisle had the same point of view as me, he didn't make a fuss and let Rosalie do what she does best.

After Rosalie's rant, Carlisle looked alert again. "I better go and check on Bella," he said calmly, trying not to aggravate Rosalie into yet another tirade. Carlisle headed down the corridor and I followed. I thought of Bella as my friend now, I wanted to make sure she was okay.

The room was bright and white. Tyler was lying in the first bed and Bella sitting on the second. Edward was standing at the foot of her bed, looking happy and worried at the same time; how that were possible I'm not quite sure. I waved at Tyler as we passed his bed and he seemed to be in quite a lot of pain. Carlisle moved next to Bella's bed and I hovered next to Edward.

"Hey Bells," I said and smiled. She attempted at a smile back, but looked as fed up as I was with high school. Carlisle asked her how she was and she reacted strangely. At first, she seemed astounded by his voice and then answered with a simple answer, not what I would expect from a human.

He continued to ask her questions about how she was feeling, I kept walking around her and looking at the machines, pulling out wires here and there; causing strange beeping noises to sound, but every now and then when Carlisle mentioned Edward or anything to do with her health; she shot – almost deathly, glances at Edward, like it were his fault. Edward laughed every so often at Bella's replies to the questions, though I didn't find them amusing at all. After the interrogation, Bella seemed very eager to get back to school. In fact, she hopped off the bed and stumbled across the floor. Carlisle had to catch her and hold her upright.

Bella was confusing me slightly. She was very different; she didn't fuss, denied any pain, and was eager to get back to _school_. I mean, why would you want to go back there? Also, she was acting as if she was angry with Edward; he saved her life, what more does she want? Maybe she's one of those people who wants to die or get injured really badly. Maybe she's like…a freak. Edward turned to me and looked questioningly. _'My mind's wandering again isn't it?' _I thought. He nodded. Yes, I need to stop doing that; especially when Edward was around.

"It sounds like you were extremely lucky," Carlisle said, as he signed a chart.

"Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me," Bella retorted, with a hard glance at her lifesaver. I turned to look worryingly Edward; she knew he wasn't standing next to her. I could tell by the way she said what she did. Carlisle moved to Tyler's bed and examined him. As soon as Carlisle's back was turned Bella came over to us.

"Can I talk to you for a minute," she hissed under her breath. Edward took a step back and I followed. He made excuses, but Bella wasn't giving in.

"I'd like to speak to you alone, if you don't mind," she continued. I got the message, I wasn't wanted here. Edward turned and with his eyes, ordered me to go.

"I'll leave you two to it then," and I sauntered out of the room.

They spoke for only a short time, when Edward came stomping towards me. I didn't bother to ask what was wrong. He stopped at my face and stared at me like he was looking for an answer. Okay, maybe I was going to have to talk to him. He pushed past the anxious school students, waiting to hear of their friends' health. I apologised on Edwards behalf as I slowly slid through them.

Edward jumped into his car, which I assumed Rosalie and Emmett had driven here. I sat and waited for the engine to begin, but Edward did nothing. He stared out into the hospital car lot, saying nothing, doing nothing; totally motionless. Suddenly, he pushed his pale fingers through his prefect hair in an activity that suggested he was clearing his mind of all things, and then started the car.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked, as he drove home. He turned the volume of the radio down and said,

"I don't know what's wrong. I just feel disordered, confused. This isn't me; this isn't how I normally feel. And – it's her that's doing this to me; I don't know Nia…Help me." Edward had only asked for my help in chess games. He had asked for a shoulder to 'cry' on, asked for me to be a friend, but he never asked to be helped in anything serious.

For the rest of the journey, I tried to figure out exactly how Edward was feeling. He told me he was puzzled and confused all the time. He didn't know what to say or do around Bella; he almost felt nervous. And then, it clicked in the wonderful brain of mine; the giggling, and chuckling, the bafflement, the nervousness. It all seemed so clear now.

It would cause some problems, but I'm sure we could sort something out. Rosalie was _not _going to be happy about this, but Edward can't help it, it's only natural.

He pulled up in the garage where the other cars lay quietly. Surely he had been listening to my thoughts as I sussed out the situation.

"Well, what is it then?" He asked uneasily, like I was diagnosing him for some kind of disease. I lifted my head up and smiled at him, keeping my mind blank.

"I'm a little surprised actually," I said to him.

He made a facial expression that asked enquiringly.

"I thought you were gay. I mean, you look gay, you act gay, your just a gay pants Edward, but don't worry; it's nothing to be ashamed of, okay?" I joked, but Edward was not finding it amusing. I had made many remarks in the past about how Edward was gay; I'm not surprised he doesn't find it funny any more.

"Well?" He asked again.

"You like her don't you?" I beamed, yet still content. Edward's face was first shocked and then calm. His head dropped and he smiled a crooked little smile that made him look almost child like. He raised his head back up again, still smiling.

"Do you think so?" he asked, quietly. I raised my eyebrows and nodded at the same time.

He got out of the car, still grinning and to my surprise, so was I. I guess I was just so happy for him that I didn't think of all the complications this would cause. I ran over to his side and gave him a big hug. I pulled away, but kept my hand on his shoulder.

"Congratulations," I patted him, "you're a teenager again."

He looked surprised, but then a wide grin slowly emerged on his face.

"One hundred and seven to seventeen in one day," he laughed.

"No," I disagreed, "it's been more than one day." I smirked and walked up to the house leaving love-struck Edward behind me.

**1. ACCIDENT**

James walked towards me, his hands and mouth covered in blood. He reached his hand out to mine. "NO!" I screamed; louder, and louder. It went black, pitch black. The darkness was frightening. Unexpectedly, the sun's rays shone through and revealed a mirror. I stood in front of the mirror, I was scared at the revelation, it was now my hands which were wet with warm, red blood. I screamed again; louder, and louder.

I shot upright; my heart beating fast, my breathing heavy. I looked franticly at my hands, but they were clean. It was a dream. It was just a dream. I inhaled deeply and my heart calmed.

My room was bright. It was glowing from a reflection. I got up and looked out of the window. A layer of clean, white, brilliant snow sat softly on the ground. It lay so serene, so still. There was a trail of tiny foot prints leading into the picturesque forest; a deer I presumed.

Once I had gotten ready, I traipsed downstairs.

"Rough night?" Emmett asked. I nodded, was it really that obvious? Esme came over and gave me an affectionate hug. I ate breakfast as normal; by myself.

We all left for school. Emmett, Jasper, Edward and I had a snowball fight again, while Rosalie and Alice jumped into the cars. I wasn't going to drive today; _I _couldn't even trust myself to drive in snow. Edward drove his car, so I rode with him. The road was icy and slippery, although Edward had perfect control over the vehicle. For the first time in a while, he looked eager to get to school. He looked like he wanted to see something or someone. My guess was Bella. He had become rather interested in her since that biology lesson. I don't know whether it was because he was eventually going to kill her or because he wanted to be her friend. Whatever the reason, it was starting to freak me out a bit.

"Sorry," he apologised. He had been listening to me.

"Don't you know it's rude to eavesdrop?" I asked. He scoffed, and didn't look highly amused. The rest of the journey we were quiet, with the occasional conversation about something random.

We arrived at school, where everybody was standing outside in the cold. They always complained about the cold, so why didn't they stand inside? Humans; I would never understand them.

Bella drove in with her big truck. I was standing four cars down. She had snow chains attached to her wheels. Aw, bless her. She got out of the truck and examined the chains herself, must've been her father who had put them on. He is a police officer, so safety is naturally his top priority, especially his daughters.

She stood at the back corner of her truck, looking overwhelmed by the snow chains. Suddenly there was a high pitched screech and it was getting closer to where we were. I turned my head. People were shouting and screaming. They looked scared and startled.

Tyler's van was skidding towards us, out of control and wild. I could stop it; I could grab it from behind and pull it to a halt. But I couldn't expose myself; there was no excuse for being _that _strong.

The van span out of control and instead of now heading my way, it turned and charged toward the one person who would be absolutely helpless. She stood by herself, with no one around her to be able to pull her out of the way fast enough. The truck hurtled towards Bella, as she stood there perplexed. She turned and looked at Edward. Why, I'm not quite sure. I had noticed that she seemed to have become fascinated with him recently too. Edward looked shocked, the same as everybody else in the car lot.

Bella did nothing but stand there helplessly, looking at Edward like she was looking for the last time. The dark blue van carried on hurtling towards her. It was going to smash into the back side of her truck, exactly where she was standing; it was going to crush her.

I had to save her, I had to run and push her or the van out of the way. If I was fast enough, nobody would see me. It would be like a flash of lightning. I took one step forwards, ready to save Bella's life. As I built up the momentum, a firm grasp took my arm and pulled me back. Alice looked me in the eyes, they were full of anxiousness. She slowly shook her head. She didn't want me to go; she wasn't allowing me to save Bella. I could hear the van sliding. I didn't know what she was doing; why she wanted Bella to die.

Her eyes flicked away from mine and up. Her jaw tight and her face now worried. The van was going to crush Bella any second. I turned to see the last of what would be Bella Swan. I would miss her in English; she was nice to talk to.

Out of the blue, there was a rapid swoosh across the lot, too fast for human eyes to see. Edward was no longer standing by his car. He was running, running for her life. Alice had stopped me from saving her, because she knew he would. She had seen it.

Instead of a clattering noise of the van hitting Bella and her truck, there was a loud thud. The van had stopped a couple of inches away from its victim.

Edward should have fled by now, he shouldn't stay there with Bella, people would realise he stopped the van. But the pale white figure was still behind the truck. I soon realised the screaming and shouting of Bella's name coming from all directions. Someone shouted to get Tyler out of the van, others were shouting for an ambulance, others (mostly girls) were screaming in horror, and Mike Newton looked like he was going to cry; he's such a girl pants.

Edward still hadn't moved, and he needed to – people were running towards the accident. They couldn't see Edward there, they mustn't. So, I ran towards the cars that had almost collided together. I was now running to save Edward, to save him from revealing our family secret. I stopped at a gap where the vehicles were apart.

"Edward!" I said hurriedly. I saw the damage; there was a dent in the side of Tyler's van, where Edward had presumably pushed the van away. He got up at once, revealing Bella's baffled face. She wasn't stupid, and I guessed that she had wondered how Edward had reached her so quickly and how he had made that dent with just the small of his hand. Edward jumped over the back of Bella's bulky truck and we both ran into the forest.

We stopped, he looked scared and worried. "Nobody noticed I was there, we're okay," he reassured me.

_'Are you okay?' _I thought. He looked at me, questioning my request, although he eventually ignored it.

_'Edward, that was risky, you can't go around doing things like that.' _I thought calmly. His expression turned angry and frustrated.

"What did you want me to do? Leave her to die? You were going to go, weren't you?" He had a point, and I couldn't argue with him.

"Would you rather people became _suspicious _about us, or would you prefer if her blood was spilled across the ground? Don't you think people would be more suspicious, if they saw our reaction to her blood?" He was right; there was nothing I could say.

"I'm going to the hospital to see if she's okay," he said calmer. I smiled and nodded. He ran away and I turned back to the school.

The rest of my family were still standing by their cars, their expressions a mix of disapproval and fury. They didn't understand Edward's logic.

"What the hell was he thinking?!" Rosalie murmured angrily.

"Hey," I called after her, "it wasn't his fault; he had to." She turned around to face me and grimaced.

"Oh yeah, it wasn't _his _fault that we nearly got revealed. We would have been ruined, that Bella girl might remember everything and then we're screwed." Rosalie panicked, but her tone was unfriendly and harsh.

"He was trying to defend us," I said. She scoffed in return. Then I stole Edward's line,

"Wouldn't you rather people became slightly suspicious about us, than watch us react to the blood that trickles along the ground? How do you think people are going to react when they see us run towards the blood and start licking it off the pavement, hm?"

I was angry at Rosalie, I was shouting at her, though not loud enough for everyone to hear. The argument was growing, I could feel the anger rising inside of me and I could see it growing in her.

"He could have ruined the family, if we exposed ourselves; we would have been killed by the Vol –" I cut her off, I was so angry with her I didn't think what she said mattered.

"We would have worked it out." I tried to reason with her. Alice, Jasper and Emmett were all watching nervously from the side.

"Well, it's not like you've got anything to lose anyway. What have you got Nia? Nothing. You haven't got anything. You haven't got that James guy either." She glowered.

She knew she had touched a soft spot by mentioning him. I bit my lip hard and clenched my fists to try and stop myself from jumping on her and pulling her hair out.

"Shut. Up." I warned her. If she carried on, I could not be responsible for my actions.

"Why? Because you know that he doesn't really love you. Because you know that he's just using you. You have to make everything about you. At least I have Emmett, who loves me!"

She was being spiteful now. Emmett touched her arm, in order to hold her back from the nasty comments. She had hurt me with the thing that could damage me the most, and now I was going to hurt her. I didn't care about being mean, or selfish. She had gone too far and it was time for me to do the same.

"Well, at least I can have children! I can make a family!" I paused and thought whether or not to say the next bit, "I can be a mother!" I shouted at her. A few heads turned from afar, but they didn't seem to be bothered. Rosalie's eyes were blazing with fury. She screwed up her fists and I did the same. She took a lunge forward and I followed.

"That's it," she proclaimed and lunged even further forward.

"Come on then, bring it," I replied.

Emmett stepped in between us both, just before we were about to plunge at each other. He held up a hand to both of our faces, more people were staring now, wondering what was going on.

I straightened up and relaxed my face. I turned from Rosalie to the decent members of my family.

"I'm going to the hospital, to check on Edward-" I said calmly, they nodded.

I turned back to Rosalie who was still restless, "-**_and_** Bella," I stated, just because I knew that she wasn't too keen on Bella right now. I turned my back to the family and ran into the forest, leaving that wench behind.

When I got to the hospital, it was busier than usual. I wondered the corridors, chatting with a few nurses on the way. Finally, I found Carlisle standing in the hall. He had just been talking to a nurse. She ogled at him while she took his orders and then scurried away. Carlisle noticed my arrival and welcomed me with a smile. I could barely return the gesture following what had just happened. "Where's Edward?" I asked, looking around to see if he were there.

"He's with Bella. Nia, what's wrong?" He looked worried as to why I wasn't smiling. I shook my head, I didn't want to talk about it and get a lecture about how we should love each other and not fight. He raised an eyebrow; I gave in.

"Rosalie and I may have had a little…tiny…argument." He shook his head and sighed. Then he looked past my head, behind me. I followed his stare. Rosalie stood rigid and still next to Emmett. "I think we should leave them to talk. Girls, you can go into my office and sort this out," said Carlisle.

Rosalie and I walked to his office in silence, and entered in silence. I sat on the armchair, while she stood in front of the door. I didn't make eye contact with her, instead our eyes wandered around the office. There were diagrams on the walls and a few paintings of the sea. The picture of the family had been returned to Carlisle's desk.

One of us had to say something sometime, and I knew that she wasn't going to be the first to speak. Rosalie is definitely not the type of girl who apologises first. Well, I might as well break the silence.

"Rosalie, I'm sorry I said those things. I know how much you want to be a mother and it wasn't fair." I started. We were looking at each other now, but still both rather uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry too. I know how hard things are with James," I winced at the sound of his name, "I shouldn't have mentioned him," she looked very sorry, and I don't know if I did too, but I felt it. Rosalie's always wanted to have children and make a family, that's why she hates being a vampire. There couldn't be anything worse in her life than not to have children.

"Did you see the look on Emmett's face?" I joked, "he looked like he was going to wet himself." We both laughed and exited the room. Carlisle and Emmett were shocked to see us smiling and laughing with one-another, but Carlisle also had a sign of relief in his eyes. We joined them and stood in a small circle.

Just when I thought Rosalie didn't have any more argument left in her, I was wrong. She spent the next fifteen minutes explaining to Carlisle why Edward was so stupid for doing what he did. Although, Carlisle had the same point of view as me, he didn't make a fuss and let Rosalie do what she does best.

After Rosalie's rant, Carlisle looked alert again. "I better go and check on Bella," he said calmly, trying not to aggravate Rosalie into yet another tirade. Carlisle headed down the corridor and I followed. I thought of Bella as my friend now, I wanted to make sure she was okay.

The room was bright and white. Tyler was lying in the first bed and Bella sitting on the second. Edward was standing at the foot of her bed, looking happy and worried at the same time; how that were possible I'm not quite sure. I waved at Tyler as we passed his bed and he seemed to be in quite a lot of pain. Carlisle moved next to Bella's bed and I hovered next to Edward.

"Hey Bells," I said and smiled. She attempted at a smile back, but looked as fed up as I was with high school. Carlisle asked her how she was and she reacted strangely. At first, she seemed astounded by his voice and then answered with a simple answer, not what I would expect from a human.

He continued to ask her questions about how she was feeling, I kept walking around her and looking at the machines, pulling out wires here and there; causing strange beeping noises to sound, but every now and then when Carlisle mentioned Edward or anything to do with her health; she shot – almost deathly, glances at Edward, like it were his fault. Edward laughed every so often at Bella's replies to the questions, though I didn't find them amusing at all. After the interrogation, Bella seemed very eager to get back to school. In fact, she hopped off the bed and stumbled across the floor. Carlisle had to catch her and hold her upright.

Bella was confusing me slightly. She was very different; she didn't fuss, denied any pain, and was eager to get back to _school_. I mean, why would you want to go back there? Also, she was acting as if she was angry with Edward; he saved her life, what more does she want? Maybe she's one of those people who wants to die or get injured really badly. Maybe she's like…a freak. Edward turned to me and looked questioningly. _'My mind's wandering again isn't it?' _I thought. He nodded. Yes, I need to stop doing that; especially when Edward was around.

"It sounds like you were extremely lucky," Carlisle said, as he signed a chart.

"Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me," Bella retorted, with a hard glance at her lifesaver. I turned to look worryingly Edward; she knew he wasn't standing next to her. I could tell by the way she said what she did. Carlisle moved to Tyler's bed and examined him. As soon as Carlisle's back was turned Bella came over to us.

"Can I talk to you for a minute," she hissed under her breath. Edward took a step back and I followed. He made excuses, but Bella wasn't giving in.

"I'd like to speak to you alone, if you don't mind," she continued. I got the message, I wasn't wanted here. Edward turned and with his eyes, ordered me to go.

"I'll leave you two to it then," and I sauntered out of the room.

They spoke for only a short time, when Edward came stomping towards me. I didn't bother to ask what was wrong. He stopped at my face and stared at me like he was looking for an answer. Okay, maybe I was going to have to talk to him. He pushed past the anxious school students, waiting to hear of their friends' health. I apologised on Edwards behalf as I slowly slid through them.

Edward jumped into his car, which I assumed Rosalie and Emmett had driven here. I sat and waited for the engine to begin, but Edward did nothing. He stared out into the hospital car lot, saying nothing, doing nothing; totally motionless. Suddenly, he pushed his pale fingers through his prefect hair in an activity that suggested he was clearing his mind of all things, and then started the car.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked, as he drove home. He turned the volume of the radio down and said,

"I don't know what's wrong. I just feel disordered, confused. This isn't me; this isn't how I normally feel. And – it's her that's doing this to me; I don't know Nia…Help me." Edward had only asked for my help in chess games. He had asked for a shoulder to 'cry' on, asked for me to be a friend, but he never asked to be helped in anything serious.

For the rest of the journey, I tried to figure out exactly how Edward was feeling. He told me he was puzzled and confused all the time. He didn't know what to say or do around Bella; he almost felt nervous. And then, it clicked in the wonderful brain of mine; the giggling, and chuckling, the bafflement, the nervousness. It all seemed so clear now.

It would cause some problems, but I'm sure we could sort something out. Rosalie was _not _going to be happy about this, but Edward can't help it, it's only natural.

He pulled up in the garage where the other cars lay quietly. Surely he had been listening to my thoughts as I sussed out the situation.

"Well, what is it then?" He asked uneasily, like I was diagnosing him for some kind of disease. I lifted my head up and smiled at him, keeping my mind blank.

"I'm a little surprised actually," I said to him.

He made a facial expression that asked enquiringly.

"I thought you were gay. I mean, you look gay, you act gay, your just a gay pants Edward, but don't worry; it's nothing to be ashamed of, okay?" I joked, but Edward was not finding it amusing. I had made many remarks in the past about how Edward was gay; I'm not surprised he doesn't find it funny any more.

"Well?" He asked again.

"You like her don't you?" I beamed, yet still content. Edward's face was first shocked and then calm. His head dropped and he smiled a crooked little smile that made him look almost child like. He raised his head back up again, still smiling.

"Do you think so?" he asked, quietly. I raised my eyebrows and nodded at the same time.

He got out of the car, still grinning and to my surprise, so was I. I guess I was just so happy for him that I didn't think of all the complications this would cause. I ran over to his side and gave him a big hug. I pulled away, but kept my hand on his shoulder.

"Congratulations," I patted him, "you're a teenager again."

He looked surprised, but then a wide grin slowly emerged on his face.

"One hundred and seven to seventeen in one day," he laughed.

"No," I disagreed, "it's been more than one day." I smirked and walked up to the house leaving love-struck Edward behind me.


	6. 5 Questions

**5. QUESTIONS**

I bounced into the house, overjoyed with the news I had just discovered about Edward. The main complication was that Bella was human. If Edward wanted to have a relationship with her, he was going to have to resist the temptation of her blood, and I had no doubt that he wouldn't be able to do that. But the main thing was, humans aren't supposed to know about us. It ends badly, somebody dies.

Esme was glad to see me happy, as she always is. The night was young, and I had nothing to do. I completed my homework at lunch; I had to write a four page essay about dance around the world. I finished that in five minutes, and managed to do some Bio as well.

The house was very still; everybody was doing their own thing. I didn't want to be a menace and ask someone to play a game with me so I decided to leave them to it.

"Is there anything for me to do at the hospital?" I asked Esme. She would know from having just had her four 'o' clock chat on the phone with Carlisle.

"No, Carlisle said there's nothing exciting to do," she said sweetly. I sauntered over to Rosalie, where the ambition not to be a menace had somewhat left me.

"What ya' doin'?" I asked, bored out of mind. I knew I was bored because I had actually come to _Rosalie _to find something to do. Rosalie wasn't exactly the most exciting person. She ignored me and flicked her hair in my face. Wow, big insult.

There was nothing to do inside the house, so maybe I could find something outside of the house. I told Esme I was going for a wander and she did her usual: 'Be safe,' speech.

Before I left, I grabbed a towel from upstairs and put on a two piece, just in case I fancied going for a dip. I headed off on my stroll, climbing trees and looking at the view. Right at the top was best; the very top point of the tree. The view was magnificent, you could see the whole town, high school, the hospital, everything.

I leaped from tree to tree, travelling toward one of my favourite places in Forks, one place where I felt calm and at peace with myself. No-one could distract me from this place, no-one.

I bounced down from the great height I was at, and landed softly on the ground, but then stumbled around like I was drunk. There was a sight of greenery and water surrounding me. In front of me sat a beautiful waterfall. The water was like crystal falling from the sky, especially when it was sunny. It poured down on the rocks so gently, without making a thunderous noise. The noise it made was more welcoming than anything else.

I checked around me to make sure nobody was looking and I slowly slipped my clothes off until I was wearing my bikini, I had trouble taking my shorts off and had to hop around as they got hooked on my toes. I hung my shorts and t-shirt on a nearby branch and proceeded into the water.

It was cool and refreshing as I waded through it. I stood right underneath the water, falling from heaven. I let it splatter onto my face and body. I felt relaxed.

I stood in the water for about ten minutes, just thinking about stuff. But then, I was distracted. I could hear something moving around in the forest. I turned my head sharply to see if I could spot anything. The rustling stopped and I couldn't see anything, it was probably just an animal.

I turned back to face the water and let it hammer down on my body. Then, so quickly I didn't even realise, somebody came up behind me and seized me in their arms. I froze, not knowing what to do. They pulled my wet hair back and ran their face along my neck. I knew from his icy, hard skin that it was him.

How did James find me here? He tilted my head and slowly kissed my jaw. All I felt I could do was stand there, totally unresponsive. Again, I closed my eyes and felt my heart melt and knees weaken. Just when I thought I was going to collapse he swivelled me around to face him. A few strands of his blonde hair were stuck to his face and tiny droplets of water dripped off his nose.

"Hi," he grinned and pulled me closer to his body, holding my semi – naked torso.

"And just when I thought I could get away from you," I sniggered. James smiled my much-loved smile and pushed a wisp of hair behind my ear.

"Like you could ever get away from me," he said cheekily. I rolled my eyes, and then we both laughed together. It was weird seeing James so often, but it was scary too; scary feeling like everything was okay, it was scary to know that I was letting him hold me and touch me like this, even when I knew it was wrong.

While I stood there in James' arms, thinking about how much I love him, he abruptly pulled me towards him and started kissing me. The water was still falling on us heavily, but it felt more like glue. I felt as if the water was gluing me to James and I couldn't tear away. The glue was immensely strong… it was like super glue.

James kept pulling me into him, his hands moving around my body, across my back, up my thigh, down my neck. Then, he pulled away unexpectedly. I looked at him and his eyes looked disappointed.

He clasped my face in his hands, "I have to go… I'm sorry," he murmured, and before I could ask why he was leaving he had run off into the trees. I stood alone again, and the water became water again, but this time, it wasn't calming. It made me feel more nervous and anxious. I think I had had enough for today. Still confused about what had just happened, I gathered my clothes and re-dressed my self.

As I ran back to the house, all I could do was help but wonder why he had run away? I couldn't think of a logical reason for it. Whatever the reason was, I didn't care. It was good that he stopped otherwise we wouldn't have.

I got back home and fell straight onto my bed. I didn't want to think about _him_. I didn't want to think about anything, and hopefully I wouldn't have to.

Morning came, and I was glad I had high school to take my mind off things. Once I had changed into a jumper, or a sweater as they call it, and put on my jeans I left the house and got into Edward's car and we made our way to school. The journey was quiet, I didn't like the quiet.

"Sooo..." I slurred, "looking forward to seeing Bella?" I asked casually. He flinched slightly when I said her name, like he was trying not to think about her.

"I'm actually going to try and stay away from her," he said quietly, it was almost a whisper, but said with difficulty.

_"Because it's safer for her, right?" _I thought. Edward nodded and carried on to pretend he was concentrating on driving. His mouth twitched into a smile for about half a second and then disappeared.

When we got to school, everybody was hyped up for the spring dance. It was girls' choice, which meant I got to pick somebody to go with, not that there is anybody worthy enough to go with me anyway.

I got out of the car and the first thing I saw was Chad Baker, leaning on his small, little vehicle. He was a jock, and had the brain of one as well. Some girls actually think he's hot, and yes he has a nice body but he's as stupid as a pigeon. Actually no, that's degrading the pigeon a bit.

I walked towards the school building, making it obvious that I didn't want to speak to him, but that hadn't seemed to affect Chad. As I walked up to his joke of a car, he called my name. I took no notice and carried on walking.

"Hey!" he called after me, still sitting on the hood of his car. Again, I took no notice and continued. He then, irrationally grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me into him. All of his fellow pigeons started whistling and making noises.

"Hey babe, you're looking hot today," he said to me, trying to show off to his brainless crew. I thought about what I was going to say. I could be straight with him and tell him to get the hell off me, or I could play a little game with him, and embarrass him in front of the whole school. Hmm, the second one sounds more appealing. I pursed my lips and then smiled.

"Don't I look hot everyday?" I asked. He grinned, thinking that he was doing well, and he winked at one of his mates.

"Of course you do babe, but you're looking especially fit today," he said, and I could feel the glare of my family watching me and thinking what the hell I was doing. Edward would be the only one who knew what I was doing, if he wasn't too busy focusing on Bella.

I giggled like a teenage girl would and then fluttered my eyelashes at him.

"So, I was thinking." Ha, that makes a change. "Do you wanna go to the spring dance with me?" his friends all watched excitedly, like their mate was just about to score the hottest girl in school. Oh wait…he was. No, I'm just joking.

"Erm," I wondered allowed. I paused for five seconds, pretending to think about the decision. "No," I said bluntly. The expression on his face was highly humorous as it turned from being absolutely chuffed with himself to utter disbelief.

"No babe. Maybe you heard me wrong, I said-" Now it was my time to shine.

"Number one, don't babe me ok? I'm not your babe; I never have been and never will be." I pushed away from him and made my voice loud so that everyone in the lot could hear.

"Number two – no, I didn't hear you wrong. I don't want to go to the dance with you, you utterly dense boy and you know why? Ah, that brings us onto number three. Number three – and I want you to remember this one, and remember it good. Girls with a brain and a body like mine do not go out with boys with a brain and a face like yours."

His face dropped and he looked so shocked he was almost crying. Everybody pointed and laughed at him; served him right for being such an obnoxious git.

At the beginning of Biology, Mike Newton was talking to Bella again. Edward was leaning away from them both. I hated Mike so much. He was a cowardly little boy, who didn't have anything better to do than make fun of people and talk about them behind their backs. Ever since we first came to the school, he's had it out for us. He never got round to the stage of acceptance for us, like everyone else did. The rest of my family have never realised, but I've caught him on numerous occasions talking about us; he calls us freaks and nobodies. Nobody talks about my family like that and gets away with it, and so I make sure that I can be as mean to him as possible.

Throughout the entire day, guys kept asking me to the spring dance. A couple of them weren't too bad and actually were nice about it. I could have said yes to one of them. I could have gone with one of those boys and had a good time, but for some reason, I didn't want to. I wasn't sure that I wanted to go to the spring dance at all. I didn't want to upset him if he wanted to date me by saying no.

After school had finished I quickly rushed into Edward's car, trying to avoid being asked the same exasperating question. Edward was waiting for me, Alice and Jasper to arrive. There was a long line of cars waiting behind him, including Bella. Before I jumped in, I smiled at her, but she looked angry and didn't do anything back.

"Don't worry, you didn't do anything," Edward said, knowing that I was wondering why she was angry at me.

_'Did you?' _I thought. Edward scoffed and then nodded.

_'Why?' _I asked. The last time Bella was angry at Edward, it was because he had saved her life, so what was it going to be this time? He hadn't tried to help her with something had he; how dare he do that.

Edward laughed at my thoughts and then said, "No, it's a little more than that." I turned around in my seat to see Bella talking to Tyler. From what I could hear, they were talking about the dance.

"I told her that it's better if we're not friends," Edward suddenly blurted out, sounding slightly regretful.

"Why would she want to be friends with you anyway? Ew," I joked and thankfully, it made Edward laugh.

Alice and Jasper slid into the Volvo, but Edward was busy looking in his rear-view mirror – at Bella. He wasn't just looking at her but laughing to. The same laugh he did when she nearly backed into another car.

An engine revved and when it did, Edward quickly drove off; still laughing.

"What's so funny?" Jasper asked. Edward snapped back to reality and the laughter calmed down to just a smile.

"Oh nothing," breathed Edward, "she just…makes me laugh." I didn't know whether he was talking about her actions or the way she looked, because that would have been really mean. She wasn't entirely bad looking; in fact she was quite pretty when you thought about it. I laughed at some humans' appearances from time to time, but laughing that hysterically about it was quite insulting.

When we reached the house, Edward hadn't commented on my thoughts. I went into one of the kitchen cupboards and grabbed a snack. I wasn't hungry, and never really was, but eating was quite fun. It was a different experience from anything else; weird almost.

I hopped up the stairs to find him there again. I wasn't going to let him deepen my moods today. I couldn't see his face, but I could make out what he was doing. He had found those pictures of him and me. The ones that I had hidden under my bed, to remind me of all the wonderful times we had had together.

"Do you remember this one?" He asked, turning his body around to face me but still grinning down at the photo. I walked over to him and looked at the memory.

"Of course," I whispered. The picture showed James and I laughing hysterically, he had his arms wrapped around my waist and we both faced the same way. I love that picture.

James chuckled, "We had some good times, didn't we?" He said, remembering them. I didn't say anything, but just smiled. As quick as a blink, James packed away all of the photos and put them back under the bed. He moved too quickly for me to be sure, but I think I saw him put a couple of the pictures into his back pocket.

"So, spring dance is coming up then?" James said surprisingly, as I sat down next to him on the bed. How did he know about the dance? I asked him.

"Because I'm just so amazing," James replied, childishly.

"Right," I slurred and got up, about to walk away from him. But he grabbed my hand and pulled it, so I turned around to face him. His hair was just as scruffy as it always had been, but his face looked darker and more tired.

"Nia," he said, now holding my hand in both of his, "will you go to the spring dance with me?" He imitated, saying it just like the boys at school had done.

"That's not funny," I replied, but he seemed to think so as he laughed at himself.

As James sat there and laughed, I began to think about us. He was _here, _in my bedroom and I was letting him sit there and laugh? What was going on in my head? What was I doing? We were separated for so long and now he's found me, he keeps coming back. Why am I letting him? Shouldn't I be telling him to leave, shouldn't I just kick him out every time he's here? Why aren't I doing that? Because, I was doing what I feared I would do if he ever found me. I'm falling for him again. I've never stopped falling, but when I didn't see him everyday, it was much easier to tell myself to stop thinking about him and move on. If we continue like this, I'm never going to get over him. He needs to be out of the picture. He needs to go and never come back.

"James," I said calmly. He had stopped laughing and was watching me think, "I want you do to something for me, and you have to promise that you will do it."

He thought about my request carefully, "That depends on what it is," he replied. Damn, I thought he might say that. "I don't think we should do anything too naughty, your family is in the house," he continued. I fought the urge to smile and quickly put my serious face on.

"Please James. I want you to go, and I really mean go. I don't want to see you ever again. I – I don't need to see you ever again," I struggled to get the last words out, because I knew they weren't true.

"You don't need to see me?" He paused, "yes you do," he then said sounding so sure of himself, like he controlled me.

I sat down beside him and put my hand on his knee. I was about to plead him to go, when he cut me off and spoke instead.

"No okay! I don't want to go. What happened to us Nia? I want to go back to how we used to be," his voice was sharp and slightly louder. He was stupid for bringing this up again. James never seemed to realise what had tore us apart.

"What happened to us? You happened!" I shouted, for the anger inside of me was rising, I just hope my family weren't listening.

"You ruined everything! We were happy, and everything was good and fine and you ruined it by lying to me. Why didn't you tell me from the start? Why didn't you just tell me that you were a monster?"

I had jumped up in fury and interrogated James with my questions, making him look like the culprit. He was. He did this to us, he made our relationship as tangled and confusing as it could be. He made me stick to him and now I can't tear away, no matter what I try and do. Not only that, I've tried to get away from him and move on, but he wouldn't let me, and every time I try, he shows up and destroys everything.

"But how can you stay away when you love me?" he supposed, talking calmer than I had.

"I don't love you!" The words pierced my heart as I shouted them. I had tried so many times to force myself into believing that this was true.

"You know that's a lie," James said as he got up and walked towards me. His dirty hand reached out for my cheek. I felt the icy stone touch my skin and I suddenly felt weaker. Anybody would think that this was James' special ability, yes; it was his special ability over _me_. It only worked on me and no-one else. I wish I didn't have to be the one to endure this pain and suffering, knowing that every time he touched me, I would become weaker and useless.

I fought the powerful passion and pushed his hand away vigorously, before he could do anymore damage.

"I don't want to love you," I said slowly, the words stabbed at my heart again, but this time I was not lying.

"Yes you do," James said, hurt.

"No, I don't! My life would be so much happier if I didn't love you. Loving you is killing me James. I feel so much pain and anguish. Loving you hurts me so much I want to just kill myself sometimes," I argued, tears beginning to stream down my face. My family were probably helplessly listening from downstairs.

"DO NOT SAY THAT!" James bellowed. All of the photo frames on the shelves fell, crashing onto the floor. The door and the bed frame rattled. My heart had pounded out of my chest and then slammed back into place. He could see that I was scared from the event.

"Please don't say things like that Nia. I can't imagine a world without you," he said peacefully and much quieter. He took a few steps closer and took my face in his hands. He bent his head down slightly, so that he could look into my teary eyes. He wiped one that trickled down to my chin.

"You are my world," he whispered. He kissed my forehead and then kissed my lips and then left, without saying another word. I'm not sure whether I like these abrupt exits; they didn't give me time to brace myself.

I traipsed downstairs, still in shock from what had just happened. As I came down, each member of my family turned to look.

"Sorry," I murmured. Esme came to stand next to me and give me a hug.

"You did nothing wrong sweetheart," she smiled, and made me feel warm.

The rest of that evening I spent watching TV with the family. The argument had worn me out so much that I could feel myself drifting to sleep.

James stood still. His hands were stuck in a claw shape and he smiled the grin I loved most. But it did not look like a smile that I would want, it looked evil and nasty.

"James." I said.

Behind him lay a pile of bodies, heaped up into a hill. He strode forwards, in my direction. His hands were ready to attack. His face was ready to kill. His eyes were ready to seek and his mouth was ready to drink.

"No!" I screamed.

He made no reaction to me and carried on walking towards me.

"No James! Please!" I screamed and screamed, but still he made no response. As he grew closer I could see his eyes more clearly and see that his focus was not on me, but on something behind me. I turned around and followed his gaze, but there was nothing. I could not see what he was hunting. I could not see his prey.

"No James! Stop!" I shouted louder.

I struggled to get hold of him. I reached out to grab him but could not. I felt I was touching a t-shirt and icy cold skin, but I was no-where near him. Not knowing what he was after made things even worse. What did he want to kill? Was it a child or a baby even?

"No James, no!" I repeated my cries over and over, but he was unresponsive to all of them. I couldn't see anything but the menace on his face. I blinked and he stood before me, his mouth and hands dripping with blood and another body had been added to the hill.

The little girl looked happy, even though she had been murdered. She had brown hair that shone lighter in the sun. It fell into curls and waves and tiny ringlets around her small, cute, coloured face. Her eyes were a beautiful brown, like mine. Her lips were a soft pink, like mine. The smooth red in her cheeks still remaining as the life drained away from her, red like mine.

I was breathing so fast; I couldn't get enough air into my lungs and out again. Someone had put a weight on my chest; it was extraordinarily difficult to breathe; like I couldn't believe something.

"Laila," I whispered. My heart was sinking. I could feel it slipping down from my rib cage and through my digestive system.

"My daughter, my daughter," I sobbed, but there were no tears.

"No James No! No James NO!" I screamed so loud, trying to make sense of it all. All I could hear myself saying was no over and over.

I opened my eyes slowly, but everything was still a blur. Two frozen hands took hold of my arms. "No!" I shouted and I struggled for release.

"My daughter, my daughter," I kept repeating.

"Nia, calm down. Everything's okay Nia. It's us," I recognised Carlisle's voice at once. I opened my eyes fully and my sight was restored.

"My daughter, my daughter," I carried on saying, although I hadn't a clue why.

I was in a cradled position lying against Emmett. I was clutching onto his t-shirt so hard that it had torn. The faces of my family surrounded me, they all looked worried and distraught; if they looked like that, I wonder how I looked.

My hands were shaking as I released Emmett, my breathing scattered and trembling.

It had been a dream…again. These horrible dreams had been torturing me ever since James came back. They weren't even dreams, more like nightmares. I didn't want to close my eyes again in case he was there, so I stayed up all night.

I lay on Edward's chest while he watched TV. Every now and then he would stroke my hair and tell me everything was okay. If only I could believe that.


	7. 6 True Rumour

**6. TRUE RUMOUR**

From having been awake all night, I hadn't realised the time. All I had been thinking about was James. It was already time for us to go to school. I had to get changed and freshen myself up pretty fast, but thankfully Alice had prepared my clothes again.

I was in no state to drive, so I grabbed a ride with Edward; as did the others. We arrived at school and I got out of the car. It might be in my head, but I swear people were looking at me funny. Was it because I looked tired? I didn't know and I didn't really care either.

The day was slower than usual. I stood in the middle of everyone while they walked past me, so much slower than usual.

English just began when I took my seat. Bella had not arrived yet, but I knew she was here; Edward had been speaking to her earlier. She soon entered and hurried to her seat next to me. She looked over nervously and little worried. A twinge appeared on my face, not commendable enough to be called a smile, although I did try.

Mike wasn't sitting as close to Bella as he normally did. He was probably upset that she had turned him down for the spring dance. Who would want to go with him anyway? When class ended, I got up and dragged myself to the cafeteria.

I looked over to our normal table and saw them, sitting down; happy – I think: Rosalie, playing with a curl in her hair, Emmett, talking to Jasper across the table, Alice, looking worried and Edwa-, where was Edward? He was sitting on another table, by himself. I began to walk over to him, had the family said something to him and made him upset? I was about two metres away from his table when Alice coughed loudly and shook her head at me. Then her hand flashed up and motioned for me to sit with them rather than Edward.

I changed my direction and sat down on our normal table. "What's he doing?" I asked quietly, but everyone ignored me. Bella Swan walked over to his table and sat down.

I had lost my appetite, which was very rare for me, but I couldn't eat anything. I watched Edward and Bella the whole lunch hour. Edward kept laughing, but Bella looked so shocked from the sudden friendliness.

Edward had told me the other night that he wasn't going to try and stay away from Bella anymore. I guess this was him getting to know her better.

"What is he doing?" Rosalie muttered under her breath. She had developed what looked like a sudden hatred for Edward. All of a sudden, everything he did was wrong, and everything he said was irrelevant or annoying.

"Just leave him alone Rosalie. If he wants to be with Bella then let him. Leave him alone, alright?" I said agitated. I know it's wrong to choose favourites, but Edward was my favourite out of the family. I loved my family so much; I would die for them any day. But Edward was different; I cared for him the most. If anything were to happen to him I would be devastated. He wasn't just my cousin, but my best friend too and he was always there when I needed him. If he wanted to kill Bella, I would help him. He wanted to marry her, I would support him. I backed him, but I don't think any of my other cousins did. Esme and Carlisle would of course be supportive in whatever his choice.

Edward and Bella spent the whole of lunch talking. People were clearing out of the cafeteria, seeing as there were only a few minutes left until the next lesson started, though Edward and Bella did not move. I walked over to them, upset with myself for disrupting their conversation and bonding time, but I didn't want Bella to be late for her class. But before I reached their table, Bella had already jumped up.

"We're going to be late," she said. She had seen me and quickly looked away nervously. She was always nervous around us, I thought of her as my friend, not an enemy. Maybe she had seen Rosalie's reactions to her and presumed that that's how we all feel, but she knows me better from English; oh I don't know, the human brain again – confusing.

"We're not going to class today," Edward said, tilting his head towards me.

"Why not?" Bella asked.

"It's healthy to ditch class now and then," he smiled up at Bella and then at me, I smiled back at him and then at Bella. She looked a little freaked out.

"Well I'm going," she said.

"I'll see you later then," Edward said happily.

I said bye as she walked away from us. She hurried out of the door, but took one last glance at Edward before she entered the classroom.

"You looked like you had fun," I half asked, half stated as Edward and I began to walk towards the gym. He chuckled, but said nothing.

I got changed into my dance clothes, while Edward sat and looked away. I thought that if I was ditching class, I might as well try and clear my head by dancing, it was one place where I didn't have to think about James.

We wouldn't normally ditch class, but we had to today. They were doing blood testing in Biology. Can you imagine us? Mr Banner would be telling us to prick ourselves and see what blood type we are, but nothing would happen. Actually, something would happen, the needle would snap in half at the point of touching our skin. But that wasn't the only thing, _everybody _would be pricking themselves. There would be blood everywhere; including Bella's. I could handle it, from experience in being a doctor, but Edward couldn't, especially not Bella's.

I put the music on and began to dance. I had to practice a sequence for an upcoming performance. I didn't need to practice, but it was something to do. A tango was tricky to do by yourself. On the day of the performance, the teacher was going to pair me up with some random guy and I would have to tell him what to do, but I couldn't practice with anyone in school because no body was fast enough, no-one could keep up with my pace.

"I could help if you want," Edward had been eavesdropping again.

"Yeah, like you can dance," I scoffed.

"You could teach me," Edward said, smiling that childish smile again.

_'An old dog can't learn new tricks,' _I thought. Edward's head automatically shot up and he raised an eyebrow at me.

"Hey, don't call me a dog." We both started laughing and the tiredness I had felt all day seemed to vanish. I was happy again and I didn't feel so weak.

The music changed and we began to 'dance' the waltz. We swirled around the room, laughing and giggling, moving out of time with the music. Edward was deliberately stepping on my feet and I purposely stepped on his. We danced for ages, it seemed like. We had stopped laughing and were now just twirling round and round the floor.

"You do know this isn't tango right?" I asked him.

"Shh, you're spoiling the moment," he whispered jokingly. The laughter began again, but only for a short while. Edward pulled away, his face hardened and he wasn't amused at all.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I enquired. He stared at the ground and his eyes were narrow. He was listening to someone's thoughts.

"Bella," he said, no tone to his voice; plain and flat. He strode away,

"What about Bella? Is she okay?" but he had already left, without answering anything. The music was changing between soft waltz pieces to edgy tango pieces, but I did nothing. I needed Edward to keep my mind of _him_, and now he's gone, I couldn't help but think about _him_.

"Hey," whispered an edgy, familiar voice. I turned around instantly, startled. I was angry he was here, sometimes he was so careless.

"James, what are you doing in my school? There are so many humans here," I said frustrated.

"Ooh stop it, you're making me thirsty," he muttered. I scoffed in disgust. There he goes again, talking about blood and humans as if he were a human stuck in a desert with no water, being forced to listen to the sound of it, dripping. I had just got him out of my head and I didn't want him re-entering it again.

"Maybe you should just go."

"I don't want to," he replied so childishly I wanted to slap him. I stared at him as if to tell him this was not the time to mess around and be stupid. James took a few steps closer.

"I know you need help with your dance, so why don't you practice with me?" He requested, tilting his head slightly.

"No thanks," I retorted sharply; like I was really going to dance with him. One of my most favourite kisses with him was when we were dancing; I didn't want to be reminded of it.

"Just one dance and then I'll go," I hadn't realised James had come closer and was now standing in arms reach. I refused him again and again, getting bored of always having to tell him no. It didn't matter what the situation was, recently I felt that all I was saying to him was no.

Like he was saving me from a bullet, (not that it would do any harm anyway) James grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him. He seemed to be very fond of this move; I have no idea why I haven't learnt how to tear away from it.

The music track changed into a slow, sexy song; perfect.

The words: _'when marimba rhythm starts to play, dance with me, make me sway,' _filled the room. It was unbelievably coincidental that this song was playing, the song that we just so happened to be dancing to on that night of our first kiss.

It suddenly caught my attention that we were moving, dancing to the song. We moved like silk against the skin, so soft, so smooth it didn't feel real.

_'Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore, hold me close, sway me more,'_ my eyes hadn't moved from James', but I knew exactly what I was doing. It all just came by itself; I didn't have to think about anything.

_'When we dance you have a way with me, stay with me, sway with me,' _it was as if the song was speaking what I felt. James ran his hands down my neck and along my back. Our eyes were still fixated on each other. James titled me back so my body was leaning away from his,

_'Make me thrill as only you know how, sway me smooth, sway me now,' _I could feel icy fingertips running up my thigh, and I ran my fingers through his hair, using it to pull him closer to me. The music was telling him what I truly wanted him to do. I was so engrossed in this moment I didn't want to let my thoughts get in the way. I know this was wrong and I should be fighting it, but it feels so good to be in his arms again.

_'Other dancers may be on the floor, dear but my eyes will see only you,' _James' smouldering ruby eyes had captured me and although they reminded me of everything I hated him for, at this moment, I only saw the man I love.

_'Only you have that magic technique,' _he spun me out.

_'When we sway I go weak,' _and then spun me back into him again. My breathing was heavy, though I was not out of breath. I happened to notice that I was standing like a flamingo, against James. I stood on one leg, the other tightly wrapped around his outer thigh.

Our eyes had not yet parted and neither had our bodies. My leg slowly slipped down, until I was fully balanced on both feet.

James put his hand on my cheek and then kissed me. I kissed back. I didn't care what I was doing, I wanted this. I wanted this back again so badly; I didn't care if it was wrong because now, at this very point in time, nothing could break me from him.

A scent entered my nose – a human scent. James and I pulled away from each other instantly. I looked around frantically, seeing if anyone was spying on me, but there was no-one in sight.

"Crap!" I troubled. Whoever that was had destroyed this moment, but they would be wondering who James was. Oh Jeez, I hope they don't tell the principle.

"I guess I should go," James said saddened by this idea.

"Yeah," I fought out; I didn't want him to go. He departed as he usually does; kissed me on the forehead and then left.

I was still so dazed about everything that had just happened, but I had to find out who saw me. I grabbed my bag and ran out of the gym. I reached the main building of the school, and as I entered everyone stared at me. I was used to the staring, but this was a different kind of stare. People were whispering to one another.

Jessica and Angela were standing by their lockers, I smiled at them and they faked a smile back, but then began whispering too, every so often looking up at me and then back to each other. What were they whispering about? I focused on listening to their conversation, even though I was quite far away from them.

"Apparently, she was like with this guy, and he was like way older than she is, and like, he doesn't even go here, and like, apparently, they were like, making out, like really passionately, and like, he wasn't even wearing a shirt. I wonder if he was hot," Jessica muttered to Angela. Whoever saw me was now spreading a rumour about me? Who was this horrible person?

I marched over to the two girls; no doubt the rage was showing in my face.

"Who?" I asked them through gritted teeth. They didn't say anything, but looked utterly terrified as I glared at them.

"Who told you?" I asked again, this time trying not to sound so angry, but I don't think it worked.

"M – Mike," Jessica stuttered out. MIKE?! I wasn't so surprised anymore. He hated me so much that he decided to spread a rumour about me - how lovely. He's really too kind.

I marched my way through the crowds of teenage boys and girls, whispering about me and my 'much older guy'. Finally, I found the sad little boy I was looking for. I stood in front of him so that if I needed to, I could rip his head off nice and clean. He looked petrified as I showed up and stood there, with my hands clenched.

"I know it was you," I said slowly, trying not to scream. He looked like I was about to arrest him. Hmm, that would be a fun little idea.

"Well it's true. I saw you," Mike said, trying to be confident and show off to his friends that he could be a rebel. He was true though; this rumour was true, except for the bit about James being _much _older than me. There was only a five year age gap between us.

"That doesn't mean that you have to spread it around school. You know, I thought you'd get enough gratitude from saying nasty things about my family, but now you're doing this as well? You ruined everything! You have no idea what that moment meant to me do you? No, because you're an insolent little boy, who doesn't seem to have hit puberty yet, so he cant quite understand what the word 'love' means and what it feels like watching the man you love walk away from you because of the rude behaviour of a stupid, idiotic, foolish teenage boy!" That felt good. I'm glad people were laughing at him; for he looked like he had been smacked on the face and I think that from the speed of which my words were coming out, they probably did smack him. Maybe I could embarrass him a little more.

"It's not my fault you're jealous because you've never even dared to kiss anyone of the opposite sex before," there was a long pause, and Mike once again, looked like he was going to cry.

"And you're not even denying it," I stated and everyone in the corridor laughed. As I walked away from him I turned back to see the mess I'd left behind. I looked him up and down once.

"Pathetic," I said and then turned my back on him, hoping that I did make him cry and grateful that I didn't kill him.

By the time school finished, my emotions were so messed up that I needed something powerful enough to distract me – blood. So instead of catching a ride with the family, I decided to run home instead, and hunt on the way.

I made out into the forest, the sound of cars and chattering soon disappearing behind me. As I got up into the mountains, a deer came skipping through the leaves, it looked at me. Its eyes gleaming with fear, like it already knew what was coming. I wish I didn't have to do this, but I was getting thirsty.

I ran after the deer, gradually catching up with it. I dived and caught it by its behind. It struggled for release, but it wouldn't be able to get away from my grasp. I killed it quickly, so it wouldn't have to go through much pain for long. It was bad enough to do this to animals; I don't know how other vampires could do it to humans.

A few more deer showed themselves and I devoured them too. The biggest one put up a good fight, but it was no match for me.

After I had fed, I went back home. I greeted Esme before I skipped upstairs. As I was going to my room, I went past Edward's. He was sitting on a sofa, doing nothing but gazing at the wall and smiling. I put my bag down in my room first and then went to investigate the unusually cheerful Edward.

His room was white like mine. He had a whole wall of CD's like mine, but without any photos. I sat down on the sofa next to him, not asking if I could enter his room in the first place.

"Well hello there Mr Happy," I stated. He rolled his eyes.

"Not thinking about Bella again are you?" He only chuckled.

"If you're not getting it," I said, "That's your cue to start talking," I told him. I wanted to know how he was feeling about Bella. I think his feelings were a bit screwed up like mine at the moment. Maybe we could help each other out. _'But I'm going to need you to start talking, because I'm not as nosy as you and can't hear what you are thinking,' _I thought deliberately so he would say something.

"I was talking about you today," he finally spat out, but was he trying to change the subject? I wanted to know about Bella.

"When?"

"When I dropped Bella off at her house," Edward said quietly, but looked up at me as though he was pleased with himself.

_'You did what?' _I thought sarcastically, pretending that he had done something really rebellious.

"I told Bella about how crazy you are," he got up and changed the CD in the CD player. Edward was obviously happy about his progress that he was making with Bella, and I'm glad, but I had to remind him of the seriousness of this.

"Do you think she has any idea about us?" I asked, all jokes aside. Edwards face hardened and I know that he probably dislikes me for bringing that up. As soon as I thought that, Edward shook his head. The hard expression transformed into a tiny smile, the childish one that he always does when he thinks about Bella. He hesitated, and then sighed,

"She has her theories." I said nothing; in fact, I don't know what to say. I got up to leave from his room and let him think things through.

"She's going to find out soon," I stopped, just as I got to the door. Edwards's eyebrows frowned questioningly.

"Because you love her," the words hit Edward and me as I realised what I had said.

"Yeah, I think I do," he replied hesitant.

"Think?" I said, leaning on his door.

"I bet you that in four years, you'll be married to each other and have a kid," I joked, but was I? Was I really joking? It could happen; they could fall in love and be inseparable. I doubt that they would have a child though, I wasn't actually sure if that could happen.

"That's impossible," Edward said, as I walked down the corridor to the staircase.

"Nothing is impossible," I carried on speaking whilst walking backwards to the stairs, so I could still see Edward.

"Last year, you said it was impossible for you to ever fall in love with a human. I thought that it was impossible to ever kiss James again…look where we are now. You're in love with a human and I kissed James just over an hour ago."

Edward was shocked by the truth of my words. I was surprised he hadn't questioned me about my kissing James.

"What?" I guess he had finally picked up on it.

"Err…nothing," I said sweetly, before I ran downstairs being chased by Edward.

"Tell me!" Edward called, but I was already hiding behind Esme, using her as a shield. She giggled at the two of us being so childlike. I spaced out from everything then, because I realised that I wasn't in this alone. Edward and I were in the same boat. We had different issues, but when you think about it, it all came down to one thing – love. Damn it…and I really meant that.


	8. 7 Shocking Truth

**7. SHOCKING TRUTH**

It was Friday and Emmett and Edward had already left for hunting. The whole family was going for the weekend. We all needed a good hunt and due to the easy fire that was burning in my throat, I knew that my last hunting trip had not been sufficient enough to satisfy my cravings.

Rosalie, Alice and Jasper were still planning to go to school as normal, but I needed a break from boring teachers and useless facts. Carlisle was going to go to work as usual; maybe I could go with him too. I asked and he accepted, knowing that if he didn't I would keep harassing him until he agreed.

I got changed into smart trousers and a t-shirt; I had to at least look the part. We were driving down to the hospital in Carlisle's Mercedes, and I wore a smile throughout the journey, overjoyed by the fact that I wasn't going to school today. Well, I was smiling until Carlisle suddenly said my name in a stern voice. Was I being told off for something? What had I done now? I hope Mike Newton's mum hadn't called up again, complaining about how I treat her son. I looked over to him, trying not to make direct eye contact.

"Are you alright?" He asked. Oh, was that it?

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" Carlisle pulled into his usual parking space and then turned the engine off. He didn't make a move to get out of the car, so neither did I.

"Nia, I'm worried about you."

"Why Carlisle?" I asked, sounding more worried than he did. What was I doing? Is it because I'm so crazy, because that's not my fault, it comes naturally to me, and I can't help it. Or maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I need special help. Oh no, he's going to tell me that I have to go to a crazy people's home isn't he. Carlisle said nothing while I was pondering, but stared at me.

"The screaming, the shouting, the crying in your sleep," he said, looking like he was going to cry. I forgot that my family could hear that. I always forgot about everyone else when I had those nightmares.

"I'm sorry," I said, and I really was sorry. I was putting my family through terror, making them listen to my screams and pleads.

"Don't be sorry. It's just that we're worried about what it's doing to you. We don't want you to feel that pain. We were wondering if there's anything we could do," Carlisle said, his voice breaking here and there.

"No Carlisle, there's nothing you can do," I said, pained by my own words.

"But, I'm fine. Don't worry about me anymore. I'm totally fine," I continued, hoping that Carlisle would buy it. He knew that I wasn't fine, but we got out of the car and proceeded into the hospital.

Carlisle left to do his own work as usual. I grabbed a crisp, clean, white jacket from one of the cupboards and put it on. I went to the front desk where a few familiar faces sat.

"Nia sweetheart, not going into school today?" Asked Mrs Collins.

"Nope, but I might have to if you start talking about Carlisle's butt again," the nurses giggled, slightly embarrassed by their teenage chatter. I took my identification badge from the top draw and clipped it onto the pocket. I opened the second draw and took out a stethoscope and then out of the third draw, I stole a couple of pens. It felt good to put the stethoscope around my neck again. It also felt good to know I had my own name badge, because I had done so much work here. _Dr N Cullen _was written boldly across the top.

"You'll be taking Mrs Brown today," said Mrs Green and she handed me the patients chart; room number 5. I strolled over to it, whilst reading the chart. Her vital organs were slowly collapsing and soon she would die. My job was to keep her as comfortable as possible, more of a nurses job if you ask me, but I didn't mind.

"Mrs Brown," I called as I entered her room. She was frail and elderly. Her hair was a dusty blonde, soon to be white, short and cropped, with a little box fringe that always reminds me of old people.

"How are we doing today?" I asked, standing at the foot of her bed.

"Good," she said, using all her strength to reply. I smiled back at her. I walked over to read the machines that were beside her. Her heart rate was slow, as expected. Everything seemed to be as it should.

"You're related to Doctor Cullen?" she said. I don't know if she had read my name badge, or seen a resemblance between us. I nodded and smiled in return.

"You're so beautiful, like the others of you I suppose. You're all beautiful," she murmured, struggling for breath.

"Thank you Mrs Brown," I said politely.

"Please, call me Betty." I smiled again; it was good to keep smiling, especially when they were going. Her earlier words suddenly came back to me; _'like the others of you I suppose, you're all beautiful.'_

"So, you've seen my cousins?"

"No," she said to my surprise. If she had not seen them, how did she know that they were all beautiful? Maybe Carlisle had told her.

I left Betty to sleep and continued on with my day; I checked in on other patients, did some things for the nurses, sorted out the files into alphabetical order. All these things I enjoyed doing, so much more than high school.

Some results came back from the lab about Betty that had been run yesterday. They were handed to me, as I was to look after her now, but I wasn't as happy as I had been as I saw the results. Betty was surviving off the machines and soon they would not be able to do that job anymore. She only had a matter of hours before she left us. I decided I would spend those hours with her, so that she wouldn't feel so alone.

I had to run a few other errands before I could sit with her for what would be her last hours. This news really made me value my abilities. I would never have to wait for death to come and take me. I would never have to sit around hopeless, knowing that soon I would be dead. I have the chance to fulfil everything that I want to do, without being too old or young. I was extremely lucky, and I hadn't noticed that from all the wallowing in self pity I had done.

At last, I could go and sit with Betty. When I sat down beside her, she opened her eyes and smiled as she saw my face. We spent the next hour talking like old friends. She told me about her late husband, who had died from a heart attack. She told me about her children, who had been killed by an animal when they went camping in the mountains. There are lots of grizzly bears and mountain lions up there; Emmett and Edward's favourite to hunt. I listened carefully to her stories, interested in her life and realising that the life of a human was not so different to that of a vampire. I had always thought that they were so different, but they were similar in some ways.

I also noticed another thing; I had never asked Betty how old she was. I did and she answered,

"Eighty. I know, I know, I'm very old," she laughed sweetly. I was older than her. I had been living seventeen years longer than her. I was so used to being surrounded by teenagers, of that I was eighty years older. I laughed through my nose and looked into her small, tired eyes.

"Not as old as I am," I whispered to myself, too quietly for her to hear.

"You'll never have to go through this will you?" she asked abruptly.

"Sorry?" I asked, confused by her statement.

"Waiting for death to come," she said as soon as I finished the word, "your organs would never collapse would they? Do you even have organs?" She asked again. What was she talking about? She saw the puzzlement on my face and sighed.

"I know what you are," she said, still with a smile upon her face. I was too shocked to say anything back. Could she know?

"You and Dr Cullen and the rest of your family. You're all vampires aren't you?" I couldn't move. How could she possibly know? I was so shocked by her words.

"H-How," I managed to stutter out.

"About ten years ago, I went for a walk with a local community group in the forest. I got side tracked from the rest of them and unfortunately I got lost. But, being the tough cookie I am, I carried on looking for them. While I was walking through the forest I saw someone watching me. It was a man. I can't remember what he said his name was. He was blonde and scruffy, but somehow still handsome. He told me that he was going to kill me, but before he did so he told me what he was." I couldn't believe Betty's story. She had met one of us before and survived. I still couldn't speak properly. Betty had come face to face with a vampire who was going to kill her; she must have been so frightened.

"But after he finished telling me about vampires, he disappeared without touching me, and my group re-emerged."

After a few moments of silence, I managed to ask her if she had told anyone; she said she hadn't. She told me that Carlisle knows she knows.

Betty's heart rate was slowing down even more; she hasn't got long left now. We spoke for the last couple of minutes Betty had left. Her breathing was becoming difficult and strained. I held her hand, while she was slowly slipping away from me, from the world, from life.

"You are a lovely woman Betty Brown," I said as her eyes were drooping shut. Using all the energy she had left she smiled and closed her eyes, her breathing to the very minimum now. Although I had only known Betty for less than a day, I couldn't watch her go. I kept hold of her hand, but I had to look away so I couldn't see the life drain out of her face.

She gathered up one last deep breath, "James," she whispered. I lifted my head, still not looking at her face.

"I remember now, his name was James," she breathed. The beep of the heart monitor was inaudible, the other noises were irrelevant. All I could hear was those words. I looked back to Betty, seeing her cold face completely lifeless. She had past away, wasting her last breath on the man who was going to kill her. My man.

I couldn't say anything. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't move anything. My hand stayed fixed in Betty's. A tear rolled down my cheek, and dripped onto the name badge I loved so much.

I wanted to feel angry and outraged. I wanted to feel disgusted by what he had done, or was going to do. I wanted to find him, scream at him, slap him and pull his head off, but…nothing. I felt nothing. There was numbness in the middle of my chest, but nothing else.

One of the nurses walked into the room and started to disconnect wires, only then did I recognize that I wasn't breathing.

"Honey, you need to call it," she said kindly, as she walked around Betty like she wasn't even there. I couldn't say it. I couldn't spit it out. The words I needed to say were right there in my head, but they were having difficulty getting down to my mouth.

"Honey, you need to call it," she repeated, urging me this time. I opened my mouth slowly.

"Time of death – seven p.m.," I barely said it, but the nurse didn't ask me to say it again and left me alone with Betty, who had been dead for a few minutes now.

I took in a deep breath, becoming more aware of things. My face was sticky and wet from tears and my hand was getting colder as it still lay in her hand.

"I'm so sorry," I sobbed out to Betty. One of my tears fell onto her dead hand. I sniffed and blubbered beside Betty, feeling like everything that had happened to her was my fault. I knew it wasn't really, but I felt like I was part of it; being part of him, makes me part of everything he's done.

Now feelings were coming back to me. Rage and anger hit me first. I was going to confront him and demand to know why he was going to hurt an elderly, frail lady. I was going to ask him how he could even think about doing something like that. I was going to ask him how he could be so sick and evil. I was going to punch him a few times too. I was going to shout and scream and have a tantrum. I was going to tell him how much I hate him. I was going to ask him why he was such an arse hole. I was going to ask him why he didn't just leave me alone.

I was going to ask him how, after everything he's done; after everything he's put me through - I was going to ask him how it's at all possible that I still love him, because I do.

I still love him. I don't know how, I don't know why…but I do.


	9. 8 Confrontation

**8. CONFRONTATION**

I ran through the forest faster than I ever had, he'd better be where I'm expecting him to be. I forgot to tell Carlisle I was leaving the hospital, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind.

Carlisle's car door slammed shut just as I reached the front door. He must've have driven after me.

"Nia, are you alri-," he tried to ask.

"I'm fine," I rudely interrupted, but I just needed to find him and do something to him. I just needed to hurt him, or inflict pain on him somehow.

Alice, Esme, Rosalie and Jasper had already left to join Emmett and Edward on the trip. I told Carlisle to go ahead, and I would join them if I felt like it, but I doubt that I would. Carlisle left shortly after, and I couldn't think of a place that I could find _him_. I couldn't even think his name; it made me want to throw up (if I could) every time I thought of it.

I had to think, where was he most likely to be? Where would he be waiting for me? The idea popped into my head and I stormed upstairs into my bedroom, anticipating him to be there. And like I had presumed, he was. He smiled at me and I could feel my jaw tighten.

"You git," I said, rather bluntly. He frowned, but kept smiling.

"What have I done now?" he moaned, thinking that this was a joke.

"Betty Brown, ring any bells? Cast your mind back ten years James, and think about all of your victims. Was there one old, frail, poor little woman who you were going to kill, but never got round to it? Because I met her today, and she told me about you, she told me what you were going to do to her. She died today, I watched her die. But I guess it's better for her to die this way, than be killed by you, right? I would much rather have my organs collapse than be killed by a horrible-," I hit him on the chest, "indecent-," I hit him again, "nasty-," and again, "heartless-," and again, "horrible," and again, "thing."

"You said horrible twice," he corrected me quietly.

"I don't bloody care!" I exclaimed. James looked frightened as I stepped up to him and forced him to fall back onto the bed.

"Why would you do that?" I asked furious, my hands speaking for themselves. "I mean, _why _would you do that? What gives you pleasure by killing a little old lady, hm? I don't know, I guess it could be quite pleasurable, if you were absolutely deranged!" I shouted, not letting James get a word in edgeways.

"I mean, who does that? I mean – just who does that you know? I mean - well, obviously you do, but what normal people would do that? I mean – it's just – it's crazy, who does that? I mean – you know, it's just not normal. You need help, like severe help, like…really big help, because you, you have a problem, because that's just not normal," after I finished by ramble, I let myself calm down.

James looked at me, still smiling. How the hell could he still be smiling? I guess the big accusative speech had failed and I couldn't get the words out how I wanted them to.

It was taking me the next five minutes to get myself breathing normally again. James was absolutely fine, well I'm glad he's bloody fine, because I'm not and the words I wanted to hurt him with just wouldn't come out. Stupid vampire, sitting there with that stupid smile, thinking stupid things I imagine. He hadn't said anything in a while and he didn't look like he was going to either.

"You're such a pachanga," I finally said, much quieter.

"What's a pachanga?" James asked.

"I don't know, it sounds like something horrible though doesn't it?" I said, my voice getting louder again. No, I had to keep calm otherwise I might do something I regret.

"You know, you keep saying horrible. I thought you had a much wider range of vocabulary than that," smirked James.

I stared at him and raised an eyebrow. It was the 'don't mess with me' look.

"How? Just…how? How...How..._How?_" I think I was asking myself that, rather than him.

"How could you be so _sick, _and _evil? How?_" I continued, this time making sure he knew I was asking him.

"God woman, stop saying how," he said, showing no sign of remorse.

"How, how, how," I said spitefully.

"I guess," he said, beginning to answer my previous question, he got up and stood in front of me, quite close, "it just comes naturally," he whispered in my ear.

I stepped back, remembering that I'm supposed to be angry at him.

"I hate you James."

"Yeah, I know," he said, a little too happily and jumped out of the window onto the ground and sped off into the trees.

I turned around and for some reason I was smiling, I shouldn't be. I should be crying and depressed, but I was grinning, biting my lip and acting like a teenager. Maybe I was becoming a teenager again. Maybe I was shrinking. Maybe my time of being a vampire had run out, may-. Nia, shut up, this is not the time for your mind to conjure up crazy ideas.

Two firm hands spun me round and I was instantly being kissed. James leaned away and then smiled. My face was still in the position of when he kissed me, totally shocked by what happened.

"Forgot to say goodbye," James said, and smiled my favourite cheeky smile. He jumped out of the window and ran away again.

"Alrighty then," I said five minutes after he had left, a bit confused and light-headed. I looked at my watch; five past eight. I was supposed to join the rest of my family to go hunting, but I didn't want to. Don't get me wrong, I loved whole family camping trips, but this weekend gave me an opportunity to have time to myself and think things through.

_'I'm staying at home!' _I shouted in my head, and hopefully Edward might be paying attention to me. If not, Alice would be able to inform the others of my decision.

I put the TV on. Titanic was on – too soppy. Saw – too boring. Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon – wasn't as good when you could do all the moves. Finding Nemo! I flicked onto that channel and got some chocolate, popcorn and crisps out of the cupboard. I love Finding Nemo; Dory was my favourite. I plonked myself down on the sofa and watched a film I know can't get me down.

I opened my eyes and yawned. The TV was now showing some children's programme. The sky outside was grey, with a few patches of blue. Chocolate wrappers and crisp packets lay everywhere; or chips, as they were called over here. The house was still and quiet. I got up and tripped over the remote controls, but managed to look at the clock. It's only eleven 'o' clock, which means I have the rest of the day to enjoy.

What to do, what to do. I could go shopping, but I wasn't in the mood. I didn't have any friends that weren't scared of me to hang out with. What about Bella? I could see if she's doing anything. We could hang out and I could get to know my future… er, whatever she would be to me if she and Edward got together.

Carlisle had Charlie's house number around here somewhere. Charlie was a nice guy for the chief of police. There was a slight resemblance between him and Bella. Finally, after ransacking through drawers filled with people's phone numbers who were probably dead by now, I found the one I was looking for.

I dialled and waited through the _ring ring…ring ring. _A mans voice answered, "Hello?" Charlie said.

"Hi Charlie, its Nia Cullen."

"Well hello Nia, I haven't spoken to you in a while, but that's a good thing, means you're keeping out of trouble," Charlie said happily.

"Always am," I giggled, "is Bella around?"

"Sure, hold on…Bells!?" There was rustling and then a much higher voice spoke.

"Hi Bella, its Nia. What's up?" I said, trying to make her feel comfortable.

"Nothing, just studying."

"Cool, I was wondering if you'd like to meet up or something," I didn't want to sound too desperate, but I didn't want her to feel like she was the last resort.

"Sorry Nia, I have loads of work to do…maybe another time though."

"Sure, no problem. See ya'." I was about to put the phone down when I heard her still talking. I listened again.

"-you supposed to be camping or something this weekend?" she said.

"Yeah, I was. The others have gone, but I decided to stay behind, like you said – got work to do," I told her, but I was also lying; I had already done that work.

"Nia, can I ask you something," she sounded weary.

"Sure, go for it."

"Are you a-… never mind, I'm just being stupid. See ya'." The phone cut off. Okaaaaay, that was weird. Wonder what she was going to ask me. Oh well. So the Bella plan was out, what else could I do? The only beach around here was in La Push and I wasn't supposed to go there. Oh well, why not be a bit rebellious.

I got changed and left for the beach. I'm going to walk; it will be nice to get some fresh air.

I got to the border line of our boundaries. La Push was in the Quileute reservation. Ages ago, before I joined the family, they made a treaty with some old people here who knew our secret. They were like werewolves or something. Vampires and werewolves have major beef and are technically enemies. The treaty was that we had to stay on our own land and they could only protect people on there's. So by me going to La Push, I would theoretically be breaking the rules. But the on other hand, I wasn't even a vampire, I was only half. I'm pretty sure they didn't make a treaty about half vampires – ha, didn't think about that one did they, smelly dogs. Quileutes are descended from wolves, but I only know of one – Sam Uley.

I stepped over the river that separated us enemies. If they had a problem with it, they could come and find me; I wasn't sacred of a few mutts.

The sound of pebbles and stones crunched under my feet as I strolled along the beach. I sat down close to the water, but far away enough not to get wet. I picked up a handful of pebbles and threw them one by one into the grey sea. They bounced away, travelling far into the distance, where I wish I was. Sometimes I feel like I need to get away and go be by myself. For some reason, I think that this is going to help me forget everything in my past.

Crunching pebbles were getting closer to me, but I didn't turn to look at who it was and just kept throwing the stones.

"What are you doing here?" Asked a male voice, which I recognized as Jacob Black. He is the son of Billy Black, who is good friends with Charlie. Billy's a great guy and I'm the only one out of the Cullen's that he trusts or likes for that matter. Jacobs's skin was russet-coloured, along with all the other residents in La Push.

I chuckled once. Jacob knows I'm not supposed to be here. He sat down on the cold, wet rocks next to me.

"I thought I could smell a dog," I joked; although Jacob wasn't a wolf otherwise his odour would be much worse.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked. Surely his father had told him about the legends, surely he would know about his elders.

"Think about it," was all I said, hoping he would realise and not just think I'm weird. It was quiet, all except for the slow sea crashing onto itself and then gradually crawling through the spaces between the rocks and stones, up to where my feet lay.

"You should probably get out of here before Sam finds you," Jacob broke the quiet, sounding a little frustrated.

"Why?" I know perfectly well why, but I wanted to test his knowledge.

"The pale faces aren't allowed here," so he did know.

"Yes, but I'm not exactly pale, am I?" I'm almost the same colour as he is, but of course I'm half Asian.

"But you're part of them," implying my family.

"I'm the same colour as you."

"I'm a better colour than you," he sneered.

"So you're being racist now?" I gagged.

To my surprise he started laughing; had his fathers' sense of humour. I didn't have the energy in me to laugh, but I grinned.

"So why are you here anyway," he continued to talk.

"Sometimes it's nice to get away," I sighed.

"What, your family bothering you?" Oh my gosh, would he stop with the questions.

"No, just another person."

"Who?" What's he trying to do, find out my whole life story? But to save me from having to answer that question, more crunching stones came. One boy had long black hair like Jacob, which fell down to his shoulders. The other one had short hair, but a cute face that belonged to a boy no older than fifteen.

The one with short hair stared at me in amazement and then made a noise which I always associated with food. It was that noise that you made when you had something really nice to eat and you really enjoyed it. Was he going to eat me? I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm Quil," he said oddly, trying to sound like a man. I stood up, ready to go home now.

"Hi, look Quil, I'm way too old for you," I let him down gently.

"Only a couple of years," he said, attempting to persuade me. It wasn't only a couple of years, it was eighty two!

"I'm sorry but-," I stepped closer and pushed myself closer to him, "I prefer older men," I whispered. He was obviously very flustered, not so much of a man now.

"See you around," I said mainly to Jacob, and I turned and walked away. As I did so I winked at Quil, just to get him even redder than I had already made him.

As I was walking, I was still in hearing distance of what they were saying.

"She's so hot," Quil said.

"Quil!" I presumed the other one had said.

"Embry, you've got to admit. She is pretty hot," Jacob said to, now who I knew as Embry.

"Jacob!" Embry complained.

"What's wrong with her?" Quil asked defensively, bless him.

"Dude, she's a Cullen," Embry replied. The three of them were silent for a moment.

"Yeah, but look at her butt," Quil said impressed. They were looking at my butt? I had a feeling of wanting to cover it with my hands so they would stop. Their voices were getting harder to hear now that I had reached the edge of the forest.

I pushed back branches and leaves as I sauntered through the trees, laughing to myself. And there it stood before me; a huge black wolf. Its eyes were filled with resentment, its teeth bared to rip. It took one step forwards, putting its charcoal paw a few inches from my foot and then growled. I stared at it, aghast. Its eyes returned the stare, getting more furious with every second.

It growled again, much louder, much fiercer…Uh-oh.


	10. 9 Mistake

**9. MISTAKE**

I stood still, trying not to show that I was scared. "I can explain," I said before the enormous thing got any closer. It didn't move, because it didn't trust me. He knew that if he phased into his human form, it would make it much easier for me to kill him. As much as I would like to kill him, I would have to tell him that I was safe.

"I promise not to hurt you," I reassured. It looked into my eyes; his as deep as the ocean. The animal abruptly turned and ran into the trees. Seconds later, Sam appeared out of the exact place where the wolf had disappeared. He was shirtless, but there was nothing special to look at.

"Explain," he said bluntly, keeping out of arms reach.

"I didn't hurt anything. I just came to relax. All I did was sit on the beach, ask Jacob Black." Hopefully Jacob wouldn't stitch me up and tell the truth like a good boy. Sam's anger didn't seem to ease at all.

"You still broke the treaty," he said.

"Actually no, I didn't. The treaty clearly states that any vampire from our family isn't allowed onto your land. I'm not a vampire; I'm only half of one. The treaty says nothing about half vampire-half humans." I felt very clever having sussed this out. It was a great feeling making dogs feel stupid.

"Well the same rules apply to you," he replied back, he could have come up with something a bit better than that. I rolled my eyes. I didn't really give a crap about what he said. No-one tells me what I can and can't do – I make my own decisions.

"Now leave," he said.

As much as I hated obeying flea bags orders I ran back home, seeing as I was leaving anyway. I expected to find Esme in the sitting room, enquiring me about where I had been. I forgot they were hunting; hope their having fun. What could I do now? I'm so bored. I didn't want to watch a movie, I didn't want to watch TV, I didn't want to read, I wanted to do something active where I could move about and be energetic.

"Nice place you have here," James said, appearing from behind the wall. His voice didn't startle me anymore.

"Hey," I said, ignoring his comment, "do you wanna hang out?" The words came out like vomit. Did I really just ask that?

"I'd like that," he replied, no questions asked.

We sat on the sofa and James put the TV on. He didn't have much experience with technology. He spent most of his time in forests and woods, running. He put it onto a drama series that was utterly stupid, overdramatic and unrealistic, though I didn't complain when it came onto screen. I made sure I kept distance between James and I.

The characters on screen were a man and a woman. The man wanted to be with the woman, but the woman had already agreed to marry his brother, but the man had murdered the woman's friends father, because the father tried to kill him…wait, I'm confused.

_'I can't be with you Jerry; I'm going to marry your brother.' _

_'But Natalie-'_

_'No Jerry, I know what you did to Bryony's father. You're a murderer Jerry!'_

_'But I love you Natalie!'_

_'I love you too.'_

Then they were instantly kissing. They then ran away together and eloped. What in the hell kind of story is that?

"If only it were that simple," James sighed. I had stopped thinking about him – I must have been too engrossed in the programme.

"It could be," he continued. I didn't have a clue what he was on about. Was he still talking about the programme? I sat quiet and didn't make any movement.

"Kiss me," James said so quietly it was almost a whisper. I turned my head from the TV to him, and he had already filled that space between us.

"Wha-," I began, but before I could finish, his frozen lips were on mine. Oh my, I had forgotten what this felt like. Wow…no, okay, take a deep breath, ignore your feelings and push him away. Okay…now. Come on, push him away. Push him away. Push him _away_! What?! No, don't put your hand on his face. Nia, you know what happens when you put your hand on his face.

The inner monologue I had going on was slowly drowned out by excitement and adrenalin. James' hands were on my back and mine were in his hair. Screw being good, forget about doing the right thing, forget everything I've stopped myself from doing over the past weeks. I want this, I want to feel him again, and I want him to hold me again.

My hand ran across his shoulder blade and pushed back the jacket that I hadn't noticed he was wearing. It fell onto the floor along with my shoes. Was I undressing myself? No, taking off shoes doesn't count right? I would have taken them off anyway. And taking off James' jacket was just so that he didn't get too hot. I wasn't removing his clothes, I was just thinking of him.

I fell back and James crouched over me. Our lips hadn't parted since we began. I slipped off my socks with my feet and they too, fell onto the floor. That was nothing – my feet were getting hot. My hands slid uncontrollably over James' torso. He put one arm around my back and the other under my knees. I was lifted off the sofa and seconds later rested down again on my bed.

Our lips continued to hold each other while all I could do was pull James closer. I could feel his hands on my body, gently holding me and keeping me safe. My hands remained in his hair, searching for something and always wanting more.

My lips then suddenly had no-one to hold and I pulled James even closer so they could be loved again. I felt his restraint but I kept him secure. Eventually he broke from my embrace. I opened my eyes to look into the deep blue ones before me. They were questioning and hesitant.

"Are you sure?" He asked checking that I was comfortable with this.

"I want this," I assured him and his lips came crashing back down onto mine. I wanted this more than I had ever wanted it before.

James and I made love. It was different from the other times we had. There was more passion and love rather than just fun. I didn't just want this but I needed it too. I needed to feel loved again.

Bright light shone onto my eyes and they pulled open. Half of my body lay on something cold and stone-like. I propped myself up and looked at a smiling face.

"Good morning," James said and then placed his hand on my cheek and kissed me.

"I wanted to wait until you were awake before I leave," he said, but I was completely dazed and faint. He got out of bed and re-dressed himself while I watched because I didn't know what else I should do. He finished and then knelt down beside the bed so he could be at the same level as me.

"Last night was amazing, thank you, I love you," he whispered. He kissed me again and then stood upright. I realised that I had looked into 'blue' eyes yesterday; perplexed by my thirst for love, but now I was seeing the true colour – red.

"I'll see you later," he said, and before I could ask where he was going, he had already vanished.

A car engine cut off and some doors slammed shut. The front door opened and then shortly closed again. Hm, wonder what that could be. Maybe some people are coming into the house – that's nice. Some people are coming into the house and I'm lying in my bed naked. Some people are coming into the house, probably my family. My family are coming into the house and I'm naked. My family are in the house and they are probably going to come up and say hello to me now…and I'm naked. They're going to see me and wonder why I'm naked. Crap!

I pulled the covers up making sure that I was completely covered. Emmett, Edward and Carlisle entered the room. They all had to be men, didn't they?

"Just came to say we're back," Carlisle said, half-way through realising my position.

"Why are your clothes on the floor?" Edward asked. I had to block any thoughts out so that he couldn't read my mind.

"I was hot," I said quickly.

"Are you naked?" asked Emmett, while Carlisle suddenly became stiff and uncomfortable.

"Maybe," I replied vaguely.

"Whose scent is that?" asked Edward.

"Mine?" I said back, replying as a question which I found wasn't very convincing. A wide grin spread onto Emmett's face, a small smile appeared on Edward's and Carlisle's stayed blank.

"Ooh Nia got some booty, Nia got some booty, Nia got some booty," Emmett sang over and over.

"Shut up," I complained, but he rushed out of the room and downstairs to the others. He said something and then they all gasped, great so now everyone knew.

"I'm pleased you had a good time," Carlisle said kindly and then exited the room. Edward's small smile had now become a pretty big one.

"James?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Does this mean you're together now?"

I bit my lip; that was a good question. Edward laughed and then said, "I'll leave you to get changed," and walked out of the room.

I needed to find James and ask him what this meant. He said that he'd see me later, but I can't wait for later; I need to see him now. I put my clothes back on and trooped downstairs. They all looked at me as I approached.

"I missed you sweetheart, things are so quiet without you," Esme joked, which broke away some of the stares.

"I missed you too," I said, "I have to go out and find-"

"Say no more, say no more," Esme said and I left the house in search of James. I don't know what I'm going to say or how to approach him.

I sauntered through the forest, hoping that he would appear out of no-where like he normally does. I searched further up north, but I still couldn't see him or smell him anywhere.

Something suddenly caught my eye; something bright orange and red. It was floating in mid air. I walked towards it, it was not moving vigorously, but moved from side to side every so often. As I got closer I could see that this was no fire, or brightly coloured object, but it was someone's hair.

James' scent was close, but I could not tell which direction it travelled in. The fiery hair belonged to a woman, who stood in front of someone. I circled around them until I could see the side of her face and the person she was talking to.

She was talking to James. Her facial features remind me of a cat; very feline and sly. She was smiling at James and he smiled back at her. I got closer so I could hear what they were saying.

"Where were you last night?" The cat woman asked James.

"I was hunting all night, sorry I should have told you," James replied.

"That's alright baby. You'll just have to make it up to me," she smiled a cheeky but evil smile at him and he returned the same look. She pushed herself onto him and put her hands in the back pockets of his jeans that I remember removing not so long ago.

"God, you're so sexy," she said and they both chuckled together.

"I love you," she said too aggressively. James hesitated and dropped his head so he wasn't looking at her.

"I love you too," he murmured. They ran away into the forest together and I could still hear her sharp laugh in the distance.

My heart pained as the moment replayed in my head. My heart sunk like a defeated ship. He had ripped it out, pierced it, trodden on it and left it to die; the heart that has always belonged to him. My face soon became wet with tears.

I can't move, I can't speak, I can't breathe. All I can do is think about the fire, that I wish I had never seen.


	11. 10 Understanding

**10. UNDERSTANDING**

I lay on my bed, the scent of him still lingering in the bed covers. I did nothing but think about what they might be doing right now. He could be making love to her, just as he had done to me. I thought I was special. I'm not being greedy but I thought I was the one; the only one. He said it, he said 'I love you' to someone who wasn't me. So what did last night mean then? Was I just a quick thrill? Did it mean nothing to him? Did those three painful, excruciating words mean anything to him? Obviously not, seeing as he loves someone else. He had lied to me again. I don't know why I never learn, that he is never going to change.

I hate him, I really hate him. I'm never going to let him touch me again, that two-faced liar. How could he use me like that? I knew he was a horrible, selfish man but I never thought he would be able to do something like this.

I went around the house doing things that managed to keep my mind off other things, which mainly consisted of moving a candle from one side of the room to the other every ten minutes, not knowing on which side it looked best. Surprisingly, you wouldn't think it, but I eventually got bored.

I waited and waited for him to show his lying, cheating, chiselled face. But he wasn't showing up. He had probably forgotten all about me while he was with dragon lady. If he had just come straight out with it and said, "Nia, I'm seeing someone else," this would be so much easier to handle, but of course James doesn't do things the easy way and likes to make everyone suffer as much as possible.

If he had just said it, last night would have never happened, I wouldn't be feeling so angry and used if he had just told me about her. What was so special about her anyway? She seemed like she had a horrible personality and it definitely wasn't just about looks because she looked like a cat!

The family were talking and moving downstairs. I didn't want to join them, I would sit and wait for him right here; on my bed, where he made love to me and then ran away to shag somebody else. I read a couple of books and annotated the whole of WutheringHeights before I saw something running towards the house.

He was here, he had come. Come on Nia, you can handle this, don't let yourself be yourself. Don't let him touch you, because otherwise you will fail and you'll probably end up in bed again.

James jumped in through the window, the evening was drawing close, the day light still trying to fight its way through the black night. He was smiling, a smile that would be soon wiped off and stepped on…by me, because I was going to do this. I was going to shout at him and let him know how mad I am…I _am_ going to…I am.

"Hey beautiful, it's nice to see you've got some clothes on now," he stood there a grinned in his pride. Stupid man, with his stupid smile, that makes me feel so damn vulnerable.

I scoffed at his comment, but it sounded so fake it was almost like when James said that he loved me. He drew closer, and sat next to me on my bed, but as soon as he touched the white duvet, I sprang up and out of reach.

"I saw you," I said, remembering I was angry and I maintained that in my voice. I pronounced each word clearly and individually so that it sounded more menacing and to make sure that he really heard.

"Saw what?" He said. Oh, so now he was going to play stupid?

"Don't act like you don't know. I saw you in the woods with that…" I thought I wasn't going to cry, I thought I didn't need to cry, but obviously this was going to effect me much more than I had thought. I thought that I had cried so much that there couldn't possibly be any more tears left me, but again, I was wrong.

"With what?" he asked.

"That woman," my voice was slightly trembling now, why could I never fight my side with James? I felt like every time I see him, all I want to do is cry and cry and wail and cry and curl up into a ball and cry and then cry some more and then maybe some more.

James was speechless, yes that's right, he actually had nothing to say for once! I think I need to catch this moment on camera or something, but not now, I had some being mean to do.

"Oh yeah, didn't think I would ever find out, did you?" No, the tears must not fall out, they must stay inside. Don't cry, please don't cry. My voice is shaking and my throat swelling up, trying so hard to force the cries back inside.

"You just thought, oh it doesn't matter how Nia feels. I'll just do her and then move on to someone else. I'll tell her I love her and then tell the same thing to another person, straight after that. It doesn't matter, because it's not like Nia has feelings is it? It's not like she thinks the words 'I love you' mean something is it? That's what you thought James. Ah, I'm a fool, such a fool. Thinking I could believe that you would love me. Ha, ha, oh, I am so stupid!"

James looked like a school boy who had just been sent to the headmaster's office for being naughty, well good.

"But you-" the first one trickled down. "You're…you're clever," I pointed at him while I spoke and sniffed, I didn't need to, but it felt like the right thing to do.

James rose and tried to come near me, but I looked away and cried some more.

"I should have told you about Victoria," he said with regret.

"Oh no, the fact that you're seeing another woman isn't important," sarcasm seemed good; it helped the pain seem less abrupt.

"We had sex. You let me think that I was the only one," I whimpered, my muffled voice hard to hear.

"You are the only one," James fought, "I haven't done anything with her," I was sure he was telling the truth because he looked very serious and all the cheekiness and childlike attitudes were gone, although this was good news, it didn't make anything better.

"You led me on." I said severely.

"You led _me _on!" he shouted, "last night would have never happened if you didn't agree to it!"

"Don't blame this on me!" I half screamed half shouted, "You're the one who told me to kiss you! You made the first move!"

"I asked you if you were okay with it and you said that you wanted it! You didn't ask any questions, you just wanted me!" he retorted.

"Yeah, I did!" I instantly screamed back at him. I leant back and took a deep breath. I refused to make eye contact.

"I wouldn't have done anything if I knew," I said, the contrast from screaming to just a whisper was phenomenal.

"I don't love her. I love you. I'm only with her because I know how much it hurts when a heart is broken, I couldn't do that to someone else," he almost sounded considerate and sweet.

"But you just thought that you'd do it to me."

"Nia, if I could turn back time I would. If I could change I would, but I can't." He took two large steps, so he stood in front of me and put his hands on either side of my face, the position where he always did. "I love you, so, so much. You're the only woman for me."

And then I made the worst mistake I could have; I looked into his eyes. They were ruby red and glistening from the light. I feel disgusted by his eyes, reminding me that he is a human killer. But when I stare into his eyes, I cant think of anything.

James held my lower back and pulled me further towards him. He kissed my cheek, my nose then my lips; it was a long kiss, asking for forgiveness. He stopped and pulled away, I felt disappointed in myself for not sticking to the plan, when do I ever stick to the plan?

He said bye, kissed me on the forehead and smiled as he backed out towards the forest and was shortly gone from my view. The room came back into focus and I realised that my family were still downstairs.

I traipsed down each step and saw their faces, all trying not to look and act as if nothing had happened and that they didn't hear anything, but Rosalie couldn't help but stare. Before I could apologise Esme interrupted me and gave me one of her wonderful hugs. Edward and Emmett smiled, Alice gave me a shoulder hug, Jasper looked sad and empathetic, of course he knew how I felt, for he could feel anyone's feelings.

I then went back upstairs and into Carlisle's office. The walls were panelled and the ceiling was high. There are towering bookshelves almost everywhere you look. Carlisle sat in his leather chair, behind the huge mahogany desk. He was reading and I felt bad for interrupting.

"Sorry I didn't knock," I said quietly. Carlisle simply smiled and shook his head.

"Carlisle…what is love?" It shouldn't hurt this much should it?" I asked. He gestured for me to sit down in the opposite chair to his and so I did. He thinks for a while before he says, "love isn't just one thing. It comes in all different ways and has different effects on everyone. It may hurt certain people and pleasure others, but after all, love has no boundaries," he sat still and smiled at me waiting for a response.

"Let's say, if Esme was bad, evil somewhat, would it be right to still love her? Say if she had killed thousands of humans and lied to you about it, would you still love her?" He thought again and then answered,

"Yes I would, but I don't think I could be with a person like that, and I know that you wouldn't find it very comfortable either." Right, so he knew what I was talking about.

"Thanks Carlisle," I went over and pecked him on the cheek before exiting his office and strolled into Edwards's room.

He sat on the cushioned chair, because he did not own a bed. He half smiled but looked scared.

"She knows about us," Edward said reluctantly.

"Well duh."

"I am scared," he muttered.

_'Why?' _I thought.

"She loves me and I really love her," he shied away and if he could blush, he would be bright pink.

"Edward, you have nothing to be scared about," I assured.

"I could hurt her," he said worriedly.

"Only physically though. You would never hurt her in any other way, and if you love her enough, you'll find the strength to not hurt her at all."

Edward nodded and agreed with my remark. I hugged him tightly, and let him know I was truly happy for him.

I got up and made my way out, but before leaving I leant on the door frame and turned to smile at Edward again.

"I envy Bella you know," I said, the smile slipping from my face. Edward made a questioning look.

"She knows she's safe with you, that you would never hurt her…. I wish I had that."


	12. 11 Spur of the Moment

**11. SPUR OF THE MOMENT**

I was so confused. I know that 90% of the time I'm confused anyway, but I was really, really confused. I have no idea how I feel about James. Do I forgive him and do I carry on like we were or am I angry at him and tell him I never want to see him again and make sure he stays away this time?

I bet whoever invented love never came up with this scenario. I can't ask anyone for help because they have no idea how I feel. No one has gone through this.

We've slept together now. We've kissed so many times now, yet we're not together? What the hell does that mean? I want to be with James, but I don't want to be with him; does that make sense? I hate him, I really do, but I love him so much that I can't keep away now. He's such a prat, but he's so kind and thoughtful sometimes. Ugh, why must this be so difficult? I needed something, I need to do something but I just don't know what.

Edward was spending a lot of time with Bella. They're all happy and loved up. Everyone is doing their own thing with there partners. I'm the only one who sits around all day doing nothing, planning my future. Every time I think of a plan, it gets messed up by reality.

When most people are in a situation similar to this, or who feel so depressed, they say that they hate their lives. I don't hate my life; I just wish that it wasn't so messed up. I'm not asking for an easier life, I'm asking to be a stronger person. If I was stronger, James would be long gone; my life would probably be great. I'd be happy like I was before and I wouldn't give a second thought to James. Or, why couldn't James be stronger. Then he wouldn't keep coming back, and he would have left me alone when I told him to. James always likes to pretend that he's macho, and he can defeat anyone, and to be honest, so do I. But the truth is, we're both as weak as each other. Neither of us had the restraint to stay away from one another.

I grabbed my jacket from the hook and put it on. The lining inside it felt nice against my skin, plus it was quite cold outside, so if anyone saw me, they'd wonder why I wasn't wearing anything.

I climbed some trees until I was higher into the mountains and deeper into the forest. I eventually found a nice perch overlooking the sea. I sat on the boulder and breathed in the thick air and salty sea. The sound of the waves crashing onto each other made me relax and cleared my head.

But that did not last for long. Someone's footsteps approached from behind me.

"Hey," James said. I didn't have to see his face to know it was him.

"Ah damn, you found me again? You should enter the hide and seek tournament, I'm sure you'd win," I joked.

He sat down next to me on the hard rock and also took a deep breath.

"We used to play it a lot, remember?" He said. He was wearing that jacket again. I lent on his side and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I taught you everything you know," I smiled and wrapped my arms around his. He laid his head on top of mine and smelt my hair.

"Mm, hide and seek in the bed sheets," he smirked and we both chuckled. Then I sighed, and focused on the waves falling on top of each other, then mixing together and then falling again.

"We had fun, didn't we?" I half whispered half spoke.

"Mm, lots and lots and lots of fun," he said slyly. I lifted my head off of his shoulder and smiled. Fun was obviously a simile for something else.

I looked at his eyes, then at his lips, then at his eyes again. He put his hand on my face, stroked it, and then dropped it.

"So does this mean we're together now?" He suddenly asked. I then remembered that I was supposed to be making my mind up about that. All I could think of was my pro's and con's list that I had made up. I kept thinking of fire lady and humans and my family and Bella. Why was I thinking about Bella? Maybe I'm turning into Edward.

"I don't know, I'm still confused," I whispered, still looking into his eyes, I was searching for an answer, something that would tell me what to do. I couldn't even see the red anymore; I was seeking, seeking for something in his eyes to tell me what to do.

"Tell me how to help you not to be," he whispered back, eager to help.

"I don't know James. If I did I would tell you, but I don't know," my hand was on his face now. I had to be careful not to move those two inches closer to his face, to his lips.

"We can go back to London, we can be like we used to. That might help," James said almost frantically, trying to find different resolutions to our problem.

And then it hit me.

"Yeah…_I'm _going to go to London…by myself," it just came out of my mouth before I had time to really think about it, but why not?

"I need to get away from this place, think things through," I continued, making plans without thinking. James didn't look too happy about that. His head fell and then rose again.

"And when you come back?" he asked. I was going to set my goals high.

"I would have made a decision," I needed to be stern with myself, it was the only way things were going to get done, "and don't try to find me while I'm there. Give me time. I need time," I quickly added, before he got any ideas.

"No I wont, that's fine," he agreed, to my surprise.

"You should go, wont fire lady be wondering where you are?" I asked, upset that I remembered this.

James slid closer to me and like he always does, held my face in his hands.

"I know you'll make the right decision," he sweetly said, and then tried to lean in to kiss me, but I pushed him away.

"I'll be back in a few days," I said. James leaned back and then stood up.

"Right then," he smiled and nodded.

He kissed me on the forehead, smiled and said, "Have a safe trip," before he ran off into the woods.

Right, so now I had to go back home and tell the family that I was going to London. Even though I didn't think about it, it seemed like a good idea. I did need to get out of Forks and away from James. I did need to clear my head of everything, so why not?

I ran home, but it felt like I was only walking. On my way I saw a deer, I was a quite thirsty, so I drank from it. I left the drained body beside a tree, and shut the poor animals' eyes.

I got home and hung my jacket up on the hook. I rushed to my laptop and found some tickets to London. There was one going tonight, no that would be too soon. There was one for tomorrow evening, was that too soon too? The one after that was next week. That's too far away. So I guess it would have to be tomorrow.

I quickly packed up most of my clothes and left a few back. I threw some shoes in and a few other random things. I wasn't going to tell anyone yet, just in case I change my mind at the last moment. I would have to keep my mind very busy so Edward couldn't find out. He'd probably try to stop me. Also, the tickets are going to arrive tomorrow morning, so I must be the first to pick up the mail. I would have to beat Jasper to it.

Edward came back from being with Bella and everyone seemed to be sitting together watching to TV, so I went down and joined them, keeping my thoughts very slurred and non visible.

I sat next to Edward and crossed my legs so I looked like I was about to meditate or something.

"What are you trying to hide from me?" Edward whispered.

"Nothing," I said back to him.

"Yes, that's why you're singing the Canadian national anthem in your head," he asked questioningly.

"What?! It's a good anthem," I tried to defend myself. He didn't try and get any more information out of me and I guessed that he is just waiting for me to slip, but I'm not going to, _'so in your face' _I thought more prominently.

He turned away from the TV to me and squinted. Emmett flicked through the channels, and nothing seemed to be on, then he stopped on one programme and grinned.

"Buffy the vampire slayer? Really?" Alice asked. We all watched, completely mused by the programmes portrayal of vampires. They all were really ugly; totally not what vampires really look like.

The night eventually came and it got late, so I bid everyone a good night and went up to bed. Once I changed into my pj's I climbed into bed and snuggled the duvet up to my chin.

My eyes slipped to sleep and I dreamt of happy things. That was unusual.

I woke up to the sound of the mail man posting letters through the door. I jumped out of bed so quickly I think I left my head on the pillow. I scrambled down the stairs, tripping over my own feet and bashing into a wall, but I got to the post before the others. I flicked through each letter, until I saw my name. I hid the envelope under my top and then ran back upstairs making sure I looked at where my feet were.

I got into my room and scratched the envelope open. The tickets lay inside, ready and waiting for me to go. I put them on my suitcase that was hidden under my bed.

School went quickly; I was agitated by my secret and couldn't wait to go. I said bye to Bella, but didn't tell her why. When we got home, I went upstairs to check that the tickets were still there and they were.

I got my last things together and watched the time go by as I waited for the very last moment until I would have to tell the family. I wonder if James would come and say one last goodbye, or maybe he would have actually listened to me and not show up.

It was 7.00pm. Edward had come home and the others were sitting downstairs. My flight was at nine, now was the time. I grabbed my suitcase, checked in my bag that I had my passport and ticket and headed downstairs.

Esme's face was so worried when she saw me come down the stairs. The others just stared.

"Hey," I said to address them, but they were already all looking, "I'm going to London," I said calmly. I could see Esme's face grow with shock and sadness. "I'm only going for a few days. I need to clear my head, think about some things."

Everyone stood up and walked towards me, I stood near to the door. Carlisle spoke first, "have you got money?" I nodded, "and you're all set to go?" I nodded again.

"Everybody do a sweep of the house and make sure Nia has everything she needs," Esme said worriedly, bless her.

Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme left to look around the house, but Edward came even closer to me.

"You can't go, I need you Nia. You need to advise me on stuff," Edward said anxiously.

"Edward, you'll be fine," I assured, "I'm sure Alice or Jasper or any of them would be happy to have a chat, even Rose!"

"I don't want to talk to Rosalie about Bella. She's being really difficult about it," he said angrily. The rest returned and none of them had anything to give me, so I presumed I had everything.

"How are you getting to the airport?" Esme asked.

"I'll walk."

"Don't be silly," Esme said.

"I'll drive her," Edward continued. Okay, looks like Edwards driving me then. I kissed and hugged everyone goodbye, and told Esme five times that I'm only going for a few days.

I lugged my suitcase into the back of Edwards Volvo and then sat down in the front.

"Thanks for taking me," I smiled.

"It's alright," he returned.

We shortly arrived at the airport. Edward was a gentleman, as always and got my case out of the back for me.

"Well, I guess I'll see you then," I said. I hugged him tightly; I had to stretch my neck for it to rest on his shoulder. I kissed him on the cheek and told him to take care.

He looked hesitant to let me go. "Your suitcase was really heavy, let me take it in for you," Edward quickly locked the car and was almost running inside the airport.

"Edward!" I called, but he was already through the doors. We walked through the corridors until we were standing in the middle of the check-in desks, and other desks that all confused me. Edward didn't want me to go, and he was starting to make me feel like I didn't want to go alone.

"Come with me," I squeaked and my face screwed up; I was scared to ask him for some reason. He raised an eyebrow at me. "Come with me to London," I asked again. Edwards face dropped.

"Nia, I'd love to, but I can't. Bella – I have – I can't – I have to," his sentences weren't complete, but I knew what he was trying to say.

"Yeah, of course, I totally understand. You have Bella, it was just an idea. I – didn't really want you to come – I'm just – just trying to – er – convince myself not to – to go," I saved. Edwards face was pained.

"Don't feel bad, please," I assured. I started laughing to cover up that embarrassing moment, and luckily Edward laughed too. I hugged him again.

"I love you, okay?" I said.

"Yeah, I know," Edward replied.

A woman dressed in a navy blue suit with a red scarf around her neck came up to us. She was taken aback at first, but then pointed at my luggage. She turned to me.

"Excuse me miss, but is this all of you and your boyfriends' luggage?" She indicated me and Edward.

"Oh," I began, "he isn't my-" but I was cut off by Edward.

"Yes, it is," he said, and nudged me to play along.

"Well you should get your luggage boarded," she said and looked star-stuck at us, but the kind lady smiled, and then walked away towards a frantic family waiting in the queue; the two little children were running around their parents and through other people, screaming, while their parents stood and aggravated.

"I don't know why people keep thinking that you're my boyfriend," I joked.

A couple were walking through the airport looking very tanned and rummaged through their bags. Another elderly couple slowly sprawled their way through the people. A very serious looking man held his laptop close to his hip and scowled at the loud children.

"Well we were going to be once," Edward suddenly muttered.

At first I was confused, but then shocked. I sighed and looked away, back into the groups of people.

"I thought we were never going to talk about that again?" I asked, making sure that we did actually agree to this. I slowly returned my eyes back to Edward.

"Sorry," he quickly said. That was in the past; a long, long time ago and it especially didn't need to be brought up now. But then why did he say it? I wanted to ask him, but I was running out of time and the lady was right, I did need to sort my luggage out.

"I should go," I finally said, and smiled at Edward one last time before he bid me farewell and a good flight.

I waited around for a bit. I sat in a café and had a hot chocolate, then I went into some duty free place and looked around, I bought some really nice chocolate. I walked along, eating my chocolate and looking around. This chocolate really is good. Mmm. Because I was so busy with the chocolate, I walked into someone and all their papers fell onto the floor. I tore my intense gaze away from the chocolate and looked up at the guy. He had short brown hair and pretty blue eyes. His jaw was chiselled, but was nothing like rock. He was dressed in a suit and had a laptop bag around his front.

"I'm so sorry," I quickly said and bent down to help him collect his papers.

"It's alright," he laughed. His smile was cute. He looked like a friendly man, around early twenties, maybe a bit older. I handed him the last pieces of paper and he thanked me with a smile, I returned it and then went over to the gate.

I found a seat by the window and fixed my eyes on the sun set. Orange and pink florescent light wrapped itself around the grey clouds and a bright, glowing circle lay in the midst of it all.

The people around me stood up and began to move around, so I stood up too and went to join the queue. I finally got to the front and showed my passport and boarding pass. The grumpy old man handed me back my passes.

"Thank you," I smiled at him, but I didn't get what I was looking for, "not gonna smile, okay," and I left down the white tunnel leading onto the aeroplane. I showed my passes again, but this time to a much happier man.

"Thank you madam, enjoy your flight," the Irish dude said to me.

I looked at my ticket, and then at the seat numbers and then at my ticket again, and then at the seat numbers again. When I finally managed to realise that I was looking for seat 24G and it was right in front me, I sat down.

It was by the window, but the person sitting next to me would have the view. Hopefully no-one will sit next to me and I can have two seats all to myself. At least I'll be able to watch movies on this flight.

"Well hello there," said the guy who I bumped into. He stood beside my seat.

"Looks like we'll be sitting next to each other," he continued. This, I don't mind. He has his laptop with him so he'll probably be on that the whole flight, and that means I can watch High School Musical in peace.

"Do you want me to get out?" I asked.

"No, that's quite alright, I'll just squeeze past, if that's okay with you," he said in his posh British accent. It wasn't a snobby kinda posh though, it was a…sexy kind of posh.

"Sure," I said. He put some other bags in the overhead locker and pushed it shut. He threw his laptop onto the seat and then slid in front of me. His butt was right in my face, but I didn't mind. It was quite a nice sight. He picked up the laptop and then sat down on his rather handsome posterior. He put the laptop underneath his seat.

"I'm Nia," I introduced myself.

"James," he replied. My heart skipped a beat and I felt scared.

"What?" I said a bit too forcefully.

"My name…is James," he said kindly. Great, just great. I apologised for my abrupt behaviour.

The air host and hostesses did their exits dance and told us to pull the orange thingy on the right shoulder and blow the whistle on the left. But I wouldn't do that. I would jump out of the aeroplane and grab as many people as I could, we would probably land safer than with the orange thingy.

The pilot introduced himself and then we began to take off. The plane shook a little and swayed too. The front wheels began to lift off, then the middle of the plane and then the back wheels and soon we were drifting upwards through the air, reaching the high altitude where I know I am going to be safe.

For me, there was no where safer than up in the sky, because no-one could reach me up here. No-one could find me. James can't even jump _that_ high. In my eyes, no-one could hurt me in the sky. I was alone and sometimes…it's nice just to be alone.

"So," the new James started, "are you going to London to meet someone or are you just travelling?" He had opened his laptop and was typing something.

"I need to clear my head," I replied.

"Business trip for me."

"Do you have a wife, kids?" He only looked like he was in his early twenties, but I could be wrong.

"Oh no, no, no. I'm only twenty-five," he said. I told him I was twenty-one and that I was a doctor. He said I looked too young to be a doctor.

A wave of tiredness washed over me and I felt my body become droopier. It wouldn't hurt to close my eyes for just a second…

There was a loud bang on the side of the plane. The other passengers all looked worried, but I wasn't. The emergency exit door ripped off and James walked inside. My James. Everything went black and all I heard was screaming and cries. Then the scene returned and the plane was empty, everyone had disappeared apart from me, new James and my James. I turned to new James, but he was sleeping, his chest barely moving. His chest wasn't moving; he was dead. My James smiled and then sat down in a seat not too far from mine. He picked up the headphones and put them on. He turned on the screen that was inserted in the back of the chair and began to watch a film. The film was of James and I, and we both looked so happy. We danced and swirled around a marble floor, while others did too, but didn't look nearly as skilled as us. I stood up and walked over to where James sat, tripping over a bag on my way.

"James," I whispered.

"Yes," he replied, but his voice sounded distant and his lips did not move.

"I love you," I whispered again.

I calmly opened my eyes and I was smiling.

"What?!" James asked. My head rested on his shoulder, it must've fallen to the side while I was sleeping. I lifted my head and looked at him, slightly nervous.

"What?!" I repeated in the same tone in which he had asked me.

"What did you just say?" he asked.

"Nothing, I didn't say anything," I said quickly. My convincing and lying skills are awful.

"Yes you did. You-you said you…loved me," he said nervously.

"Oh no," I nervously laughed, "I wasn't talking about you," I nervously laughed again, "I was talking about…my dog."

James frowned and looked a little freaked out.

"Your dog?" he asked.

"Yes…my dog…James. I love him…very much," out of all the animals, I had to pick a dog.

"Then why were you rubbing my chest when you said it?" Oh crap! What was wrong with me?

"I was," the nervous laughter came back, he wouldn't buy this, I was so bad at lying, "imagining…that…ha ha…I was…stroking him," I convincingly said.

"It seemed awfully romantic to me," James said uncomfortably. Great, now he thinks I'm some kind of freak who has intimate relations with her dog. Ew, that would be really weird. I wonder if there is anyone like that. I wonder what kind of dog they have.

"What kind of dog is it?" James interrupted my train of thought, but with a surprisingly coincidental question.

"A – erm, golden…Labrador," I made up. James didn't talk to me for a while after that. I wasn't surprised. I wouldn't want to talk to me either if I were him.

I put the headphones on and caught 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire' just before it began. The guy in it who played Cedric looked terribly a lot like Edward.

The film finished and I took the headphones off. It would be so cool to be a wizard. And you'd get a wand and robes and magical creatures and everything; it would be so awesome.

"I wish I was a wizard," I accidentally said out loud. James looked at me weirdly again.

"You're very strange," he said to me.

"Yeah, I know. I'm working on it," I joked and luckily he laughed.

"I tried being normal once…it didn't last very long," I smiled at him and he laughed again.

"Your boyfriend must stay very entertained," James said while typing something else onto the screen. My chest pained a little and my face dropped down.

"Oh, I don't…really…have a boyfriend," I said quietly.

"What, a pretty girl like you?"

"One of your chat up lines is it?" I asked and we both laughed together. The pilots' voice came out of the speakers and told us that we would be landing in about ten minutes.

"I travel a lot, and I have to say, this has been the most fun journey of them all," James said kindly.

The plane began to decline. First the front then the middle and then the wheels and we had landed in Britain – back home. James slid passed me again and so I got the pleasure of looking at his bum one more time. We walked off the plane together and through all the gates. He helped me carry my suitcase off the swirly thing, even though it looked like he was the one who needed help. We continued to walk and talk until it was finally time for us to depart.

A taxi had come to pick me up and take me to my hotel. "Well I guess this is it then," I said. I was quite sad actually, James was a new friend, and even though I wasn't quite fond of his name he was a really nice guy.

"Yes," he agreed, "would you like my number? Maybe we could meet up sometime," he shyly said.

"That would be nice," I replied, it would be nice to see his bum again too. We exchanged phone numbers and then bid each other farewell.

Hopefully this James would be a bit more decent then the other one.


	13. 12 Contemplating

**12. CONTEMPLATING**

The black taxi took me through London and up to my hotel. Being a London hotel, it wasn't very cheap. It had a few bushy, flowery plants outside and flower baskets hanging by the door. The lobby was extravagant and very clean. The very friendly taxi driver insisted on taking out my luggage from the boot, even though I told him there was no need. I wheeled the suitcase into the hotel myself and waited at the reception desk for the lady to acknowledge me.

I made it quite clear that I was waiting for assistance, but maybe she was too busy on facebook. I coughed impatiently and tapped my fingers on the desk. An important looking man strolled over behind the desk and she suddenly had an interest in me.

She wheeled over on her wheelie-chair but didn't say a word; instead she gave me a sort of look that I didn't think was very welcoming.

"Bet I've got more friends than you," I joked, but she didn't move a muscle in her thin, deprived, heavily drowned in foundation that was too light for her skin tone, face; each freckle made even more apparent.

"Not up for a bit of light humour I see," I muttered.

"Most likely because I didn't quite understand the joke," the receptionist said, trying to put on her most posh accent.

"Oh you mustn't fret," I copied, but in a much more sophisticated, and posh accent that sounded like I was incredibly rich and well off. "Most people with your level of intelligence don't understand. Heck, I doubt whether you can even understand anything I'm saying to you at this very moment." I smiled the most fake smile and the thin face turned fierce; like she wanted to throw her stapler at me.

"So," I continued, "are you going to give me my room key, or am I going to stand here and insult you some more?" I smiled again.

The woman squinted and pushed her head forward, like she was observing a small detail on my face.

"What foundation do you use?" she suddenly said in her original accent. Okay, that was a weird question.

"I don't wear foundation," I answered truthfully.

"How do you get your skin like that then?" she asked, a bit rude and personal now.

"Erm," I said, feeling a bit intruded by a receptionist lady who was being very rude _and_ I didn't even know her name.

"Could you just give me my room key please?" I asked a little freaked out by her. She then took my details and found my room, she gave the key to me and I went in the lift to the third floor. Room 288…room 288…room 288, where are you? Aha, right at the end of the corridor.

I put the key in the door and turned it to the right, but that didn't work. I turned it to the left, but that didn't work either. I leant my suitcase against the wall and put the key in again. I turned it to the right and then to the left, and it still didn't work. I put the key in again and tried turning it to the left first, but that was hopeless too.

"Oh for crying out loud!" I shouted, scratching the door with the key, hoping that somehow it would open if I did this.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a man was walking out of the room a few doors down and trying to find something in his bag.

I put the key in the lock and turned it clockwise. I pushed the handle down and it went down. Finally, the bloody thing had worked. I bashed into the door in order to get it open, but it didn't move so I ended up looking like a right twat and whacking my face and shoulder into the door.

"Ow," I whimpered as I straightened up again and stretched my jaw.

"You need some help there?" said a beautiful Irish voice. I turned to where this voice had come from and saw a man. He was in his early twenties I would say, possibly a bit older. He had short-ish dark brown hair, and eyes to match. He had a bit of stubble, but not the kind where you think; ew gross, that's disgusting, the kind where you think; dayum, I could tap that and I _could _tap that. I suddenly spoke because I realised I hadn't responded to his question and there was an awkward silence while he awaited my reply.

"My door's not…" I didn't know what the right word was, "working," I finished.

"Oh no, it's not just you," he said cheerfully, god I wanted to make-out with him so badly, "It happened to me the first time as well, and I whacked into the door just like you did," I felt somewhat embarrassed but I wasn't too bothered. I was too focused on his little, cute smile that I wanted to eat. He was wearing an open red and white checked shirt on top of a white t-shirt, with black jeans and brown shoes. He had festival bands and leather and string bracelets up his arm. Round his neck he wore a guitar pick on a piece of string. Ooh, and he was a musician, could this guy _get_ any sexier?

"There's a knack to it you see," he continued, which I enjoyed so much. He re-hitched his bag on his shoulder and walked over to me. I held out the key without thinking, but he took it and put it in the door. I was standing so close to him. He smelt good too. I could grab each side of his shirt and pull him towards me and kiss him and then kiss him some more, and then make him say something in his amazing accent and then I would kiss the crap out of him. But before I could act he was already holding my door open for me.

"I hope you were watching that because I'm not doing it again," he said, standing with his arm outstretched against my door.

"I'm afraid you might have to," I said and he laughed. Ooh, his laugh was so nice, but he quickly stopped.

"Laugh again," I pleaded and then I realised what I had just said. He raised an eyebrow. I had to think on my feet here.

"It makes me feel good when people laugh at me," what was I saying? He frowned questioningly. "Well, not laugh at me but, well laugh at me but not _at _me, just like…at _me_," I was so stupid.

"I hope you don't mind me sayin'," He spoke again, "but you're crazy," he laughed while still holding the door, I laughed too just so that things didn't seem awkward.

"Thanks," I told him, for opening the door.

"That's alright, just make sure you don't get locked in there," he joked. "I'm Rob by the way," Rob said as he stepped back into the corridor.

"Nia."

"I'll see you later Nia," he smirked and then walked down the corridor to the lift. I hope he does come back. He was so handsome and rugged and sexy.

I shut the door and took a few moments to come back to reality. The room wasn't just one room; it was lots of different rooms. Before me there was an entrance area, to the right of the entrance area there was a bedroom. Attached to the bedroom was a bathroom. Behind the entrance area there was a lounging area, with a TV, radio, DVD player, some books and some magazines.

I have so much to do, but I think I'm going to sleep. Rob had made me so excited that I was tired out and needed a rest. I dragged the suitcase into the bedroom and dumped it by the extravagant wardrobe. I jumped onto the bed and bounced a few times. Ooh, very nice bed. I rolled around for about 5 minutes, trying making it just a bit more comfy. And slowly I realised that I was falling asleep.

I woke up on top of someone. I ran my hands down his arms; they were warm and soft and had several bracelets on them. They had several bracelets on them?! I opened my eyes fully and looked underneath me. Rob lay quiet and smiling.

"Rob what happened?!" I said, a little scared.

"Was I really that bad?" he grinned.

I tried to say something but my voice had disappeared.

"Let me try and make it better then," he said in his stunning accent. He put his finger under my chin and brought my face down to his. He kissed me. It was a soft kiss, but didn't last long as I pulled away. I was so shocked by the whole experience.

I rolled to the right, but couldn't stop myself and carried on rolling until I fell onto the floor.

"Ow," I muttered and rubbed my head, a white bed sheet was wrapped around my body.

"Are you alright down there?" Said a different voice; a British accent. I placed my hands carefully on the side of the bed, just in case it decides it wants to turn into a boiling lake of lava. I pulled myself up so I could see the top of the bed. Aeroplane James was lying in the exact place and position of Rob.

"Oh my god!" I yelled.

"What? You seemed to be alright with my body last night," he smirked.

"What?!" I said appalled. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," I whispered and held my head in my hands. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I re-opened my eyes and saw, yet another new man lying on my bed. My James lay smiling at me. This was not a new sight and was not nearly as weird as the others, but the thing that freaked me out a little, was that the same man had turned into three different men…does that make sense, because it isn't making any sense in my head.

I climbed back onto the bed and lay next to James. I felt calmer and more relaxed lying next to _him_.

"What's going on?" I whispered as I looked into his eyes. He didn't say anything but stroked my face and smiled.

I rested my head on his chest and wrapped my arm around his body.

"This is nice," said a different voice, whose voice I didn't want it to be, but I was ninety-nine percent sure it was him, but I don't want it to be him because that would be really, really, really weird. I snapped up straight and turned around.

"Aaah!" I shrieked and smacked my hands over my mouth.

"Nia, what's wrong?" Edward asked, and he reached out to touch my thigh. I slapped it away as quickly as a frog catching a fly and let out another shriek.

"Ugh, wake up, wake up," I repeated while I mashed my face up and pinched myself. Then Edward took both my hands and held them down. He leaned in and kissed me.

I shot up; my breathing was fast and deep. I looked around frantically trying to find a man lying somewhere, but there was no-one else in my room, in my bed, besides me. Thank the lord for that.

I walked out of the bedroom and into the lounging area, where I switched on the TV and flicked through the channels. BBC news came on and in the corner of the screen it showed the time; 7.28 pm. I had been asleep for quite a while.

On the news, they were talking about economic depression and a spread of disease in Ethiopia; nothing happy. I looked through the other channels, looking for something that would give me a sign of what I should do about James, but there was nothing that was helping.

I then remembered that I said I would call Esme when I got here, so I got my phone out of my handbag and dialled the house number. It rang twice, and then Edward picked up the phone.

"Hey Edward," I said, happy to hear a familiar voice again.

"Oh, hi Nia, how's it going?" he said back.

"Good," and then I remembered something I wanted to speak to him about, "you know what you said at the air-" I tried to say, but Edward quickly interrupted me, and sounded rather excited.

"Sorry, I can't talk right now. I'm going to see Bella. I'll pass you over to Esme," he rushed. Before I could say bye, I could hear the phone moving from one person to another. At least he was still with Bella and things were going well with them.

"Nia?" a soft, sweet voice came through.

"Esme, hi," I said back.

"Oh Nia, I've missed you so much. Things are so quiet and no-one's been singing. Oh, I miss your singing and dancing. How are you? Is everything okay, are you sure because you shouldn't lie to me. If you need anything we can send it right over, you know. You need something don't you?" Esme worried; I couldn't get a word in edgeways.

"Esme, I'm fine. Calm down. I just took a nap and I've already met some nice people," I said, remembering new James and Rob and then remembering my dream.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Positive," I replied, hoping that she hadn't been fretting this whole time. We talked for a while about how things were back in Forks and how things were here in London. Then she passed the phone over to Carlisle and we had a conversation about the hospital. Then he handed the phone over to Jasper, who asked me how I was feeling surprise, surprise. Alice asked me what I was wearing and told me off because I wasn't wearing many accessories. I asked Emmett if he missed me and of course he denied it and then made jokes about how he could never miss me because he doesn't like me as usual. Rosalie didn't say much, but asked how my room was and casual chit chat.

After I had said goodbye and told Esme that I might call her tomorrow as well, I hung up. It made me feel so much more relaxed knowing that everything was how it should be. Emmett was the same, Jas was the same, Alice was the same, Rose was the same, Carlisle and Esme were the same, but not Edward…he had changed.

Not in a bad way, but he had definitely changed. He sounded more comfortable with this whole Bella situation. He sounded like he really wanted to be with her and not only for the reason that she smelt good, but because, perhaps, he enjoyed spending time with her, instead of finding it a struggle and restraint. He seemed…happier. He was happy because of the person who could cause him the most pain. I had the same problem. Whenever I'm with James, I feel a sense of happiness, even if I convince myself I hate him, even I'm screaming and shouting at him, I'm still happy, deep down.

And that was it, no matter how I was with James I was always happy and that might not always seem so clear, but I am. Whenever I'm with him, I know it's a place I want to be for a long time, and when he leaves, I always feel sad. But I can't be with someone who does that to humans could I? I'm not that type of person, to put my happiness before others, I wouldn't do that. But I have been suffering for a long time now, and the pain is pretty bad. Maybe if I just accepted who James was and worked around it. Maybe it could work out. Maybe we could go back to how we used to be, and I can pretend I don't know what he does. But that's it, I would always know, deep down inside, that he was a killer…a murderer of innocent people.

Why do we have to have feelings deep down? Why can't all of our feelings be on the surface? Then you could make up your mind about anything. I wouldn't have all of these inner feelings and crap like that. I wouldn't need to runaway to London to think about a stupid relationship choice, I could just make up my mind right on the spot, and I would be able to live with it, but oh no.

My head is telling me to go back to Forks and tell James that I'm out for good. My heart is pleading me to go back to Forks and tell James I'm in. Ugh, why is everything so confusing!?

It was 8.05pm, and I realised that I haven't had anything to eat in a while. I didn't know what time the hotel restaurant was open 'till. I wasn't that hungry, but it would take my mind of things for a bit.

I got changed into my pyjamas, because I can't be bothered to go downstairs and eat. While I was walking out of my room, there was a knock at the door. I didn't look my best, so hopefully it was room service or someone un-important.

I sleepily opened the door and saw him standing in front of me with a pack of beer and a takeaway bag.

"I ordered some Chinese food, but it's too much for just me," said Rob, "I thought maybe – if you haven't eaten already, than we could share it. I've got some drinks as well," he continued holding up the pack of beer.

"I'm quite hungry actually," I said to Rob, smiling. He walked in and we sat in the lounge. I found some plates in one of the cupboards and Rob pulled out some plastic forks from the plastic bag. He opened two bottles of beer and handed one to me.

"Cheers," he said, raising his bottle.

"And what exactly are we cheering to?" I asked.

"To meeting a very beautiful woman today," he smirked.

"That didn't happen to me," I smirked back. I clinked my bottle against his and then took a swig. I tucked into one of the Chinese boxes and swirled the slippery noodles around my fork. Then I shoved it into my mouth while I watched something on TV.

"It's good," I tried to say with my mouth full, but it only made Rob laugh.

"You know, most girls would be pretty embarrassed if I saw them in their pyjamas," he said.

"Why? It's better than being naked," I replied, and stuffed another mouthful in. We watched a period drama series on TV while we ate, and then cleared away all the boxes and bags, until there were only beer bottles left on the table.

"So tell me about yourself," Rob said abruptly, turning down the volume. I sipped a new bottle of beer and held it in the middle of my crossed legs.

"There's too much to say," I chuckled.

"Well I've got the whole night," he smiled back.

"I don't know where to start," I said. Rob told me to start with the basics.

"I'm twenty-one. I live in Forks with my uncle, aunt, and five cousins. I work in a hospital," I sat quietly and tried to think of more things to say. "I don't have a favourite colour, or band, or singer, or movie, or place, or person," I continued, but that was a lie.

"You don't believe in favouritism then?" he asked and I smiled. "What about your parents?" he suddenly questioned. I was taken aback by his query; it wasn't my favourite topic of conversation.

"I never knew my dad…he's dead now. And my mum…died – a while back. She was…killed," I said quietly. Robs face was apologetic and he expressed regret for his intruding.

"But enough about me. What about you?" I changed the subject quickly.

"Oh, well, I'm twenty-three and a musician. I play guitar and piano. My parents are in Ireland, along with my sister. And I'm out playing in clubs and bars, trying to earn some money. I'm not a fancy doctor like you," he joked.

"Oh no, I think musicians are really cool. I love music. I'd love to hear you play sometime," I said without thinking.

The night went by quickly from then on. It might be because of the alcohol consumption, or because I was having such a good time. Everything was a little less clear and a lot funnier.

Rob and I were laughing and had been for about five minutes, although I couldn't remember what we were laughing about.

"Ooh," Rob said, "I would love to kiss you," he said slurred.

"Well, you could…but I'm a little bit tipsy," I slurred back.

"Oh my god!" I had an epiphany, "this was your plan all along wasn't it," I shouted as I poked Rob, "to get me drunk and then-" I toned down to a whisper, "get me into bed," We both laughed again; I had sussed him out.

"Oh no, no, no, that wasn't my plan at all. You just want me to take you to bed, don't you? You can't resist my piano playing hands," Rob said and we both laughed again.

"That must be it," I joked. Rob then moved his head closer to mine, but I started giggling and hid my face from his.

"Oh, let me see your pretty face," he said kindly. He took my hands and held them down and then leant in further. The next thing I know, we were kissing. Rob still held my hands down gently, then he moved his hands to my neck and face and I moved mine to _his_ face.

"James," I muttered as Rob held my face. Rob and I both pulled away at the same time, and looked at each other. There was silence for a few seconds.

"I think you should go," I said softly, looking down at the sofa. He gathered his things and I walked him to the door. The drunkenness and silliness had vanished and I could only think about a few things. He paused at the door before he walked across the corridor.

"Thank you," I said, "for the food and the beer. I had a really nice time," I gave one last smile.

"Me too," he said and then I shut the door as Rob walked away. Who knew when I would see Rob again, _if_ I would see him again? It would be awkward if we were to see each other again. What would I say? 'Sorry I said someone else's name while we were making out.' I felt bad, and I wanted to apologise for it, but I'm also glad that that took place, because otherwise, who knows what could have happened next. When I'm drunk, all I need is a little bit of seriousness to knock me out of it.

But it was the kiss that I shared with Rob that made me think…what was the point of keeping away from _him_, when I couldn't think about anyone else?


	14. 13 The Past

**14. THE PAST**

A banging and thumping sound came from above me. I woke up and saw a bright patch of golden sunlight, shining onto a patch of the bed next to me. I yawned like a lion, and scratched my head like a dog. And then I simply sat. Sat, thinking about what I was going to do today; thinking about Rob and last nights events. Thinking about the thing that I was supposed to be thinking about and then thinking about how I haven't been thinking about that and should start thinking about it. Ow, too much thinking hurts my brain.

I've sort of decided that I'm going to let things happen naturally. I'm expecting to have an epiphany, a sudden moment of realisation, where I will have made a decision. I'm going to let the chips fall where they may.

I saw a leaflet on the side table saying, 'Breakfast from 6 to 11,' it was 9.45am now, so that meant I could go down and grab a bite to eat, before going shopping.

I got myself into a suitable manner and jumped down the stairs. To my delight, that weird girl from reception wasn't there. Instead, a rather fit man was sitting in her place, and again to my pleasure, he gazed at me as I walked past. I like it when hot guys do that; makes me feel good.

At the hotel restaurant they had an array of foods; cereal, croissants, toast, sausages, fish fingers, waffles, hash browns, the works. I put a bit everything on my plate and a group of women couldn't believe what they were seeing.

"God, you'd think that she'd leave some for the others," the snobby lady said to her friend. I'm not selfish like she probably is; I made sure that there was plenty left for other people before I helped myself.

"My daughter would never do something like that," she continued.

The other ladies all listened to each other intently.

"One of the girls in _my _daughters' school is pregnant! And she's only seventeen," they all gasped and made disgusted faces. Stuck up people make me so annoyed. Just look at how they sit there, with their expensive perfume, flicking their bland hair, with their well manicured hands. I wanted to piss them off, so I walked up to their table.

"I'm sixteen and pregnant with my second child, suck on that," I blurted, that would give them something to be appalled by. They all went wide eyed as I walked off to my own little table and sat by myself with my big, fat plate of food.

As I crammed my mouth with food, I noticed a young boy, probably about fifteen, taking glimpses at me. Oh dear.

After I finished breakfast, I went back to my room and got ready to hit the high streets. By the time I left my room again, it was 11.15am.

London was buzzing as usual. People were selling things on the side of the road, a few tramps begged for money, people pushed and rushed passed as they hurried to the tube station, and the sweet smell of cigarette smoke and waffles wafted through the air.

I wandered in and out of shops and made it my aim to buy at least one thing in each shop. By this time I had a lot of bags and new clothes that Alice would be very pleased with when I get back. I miss her, I miss all of them.

It was 1.30pm when I decided that I had been to all the shops and needed to refuel. So I decided to find a café or somewhere to have a cream cake and a nice cup of coffee. Starbucks looked like the only place available, so I settled down in one of the 100 down Oxford Street. I took up the whole of the comfy sofa area with my bags. My drink and cake were finally delivered to my table by a short woman, with jet black hair and thick black eyeliner. I thanked her and she smiled for a second.

I drank a sip of coffee and took a large bite into the cake. Some of the cream tried to slip out of the other end, and so fell onto my clothes. I quickly licked it off while no one was looking. I remembered I had bought a magazine while I was in one of the shops and so I retrieved it from one of the bags and flicked through it.

A tall man wearing a pea coat approached me as I was just getting into why you shouldn't wash your hair more than twice a day. He was quite good looking and had swishy brown hair. My guess was twenty-four.

"Hi, sorry, but I was just wondering if I could sit here, there aren't any other spaces," he asked politely, even though he didn't say please.

"Of course, sorry," I said as I tried to shove all my bags to one side, "I did a bit too much shopping."

As he sat down, he sipped on a cup of something and took out his phone.

"I'm Tyler, by the way," he said once he had stopped texting. I introduced myself too.

I continued to read the magazine, but I could feel his gaze upon me. He was staring at my face.

"Would you mind if I take a picture of you?" he suddenly asked.

"Erm, what for?"

"I'm a journalist. I work for 'Look' magazine and we take pictures of girls who we think are really pretty and have nice clothes basically. So, would you mind?" he seemed eager.

"How do I know you are who you say you are?" I enquired; I wasn't going to give my photograph to any old person, no matter how good looking they are.

"I have my business card with me," he said, while looking in his bag for it.

"Don't worry, I believe you," I said. Being alive for so long means that I have gotten quite good at telling when people are lying, telling the truth, nervous, scared, happy etc.

Luckily I had finished my 'lunch' and so we went outside and I posed in front of the wall. He snapped the picture and then thanked me.

"No problem," I said back. He then left and I decided that my day was over too.

When I got back to the hotel room and dumped all my bags onto the floor, I lounged around and watched TV. The programme 'Airport Control' was on and it made me think of what Edward said to me at the airport: _"Well we were going to be once," _he had said after that woman thought he was my boyfriend. We weren't ever supposed to bring that up again and we had succeeded for twenty-nine years. Why did he bring it up again? And then it made me think of what _did _happen twenty-nine years ago.

It was when I had first moved to Forks and was staying with my family. This was the first time we had lived in Forks, now is the second time. James and I had just split up and I was still very upset. Edward was lonely; everyone else had someone and everyone else was in love, but not Edward. Carlisle and Esme have always worried about Edwards's loneliness, so when I joined, they thought it would be perfect for Edward and I to try and get along. We bonded instantly and felt comfortable around each other too, but I had still only been living with them for a couple of weeks.

I was walking around the house one day, and I noticed Edward sitting on one of the steps of the stairs, so I sat next to him. We both didn't talk and just sat silently for a few minutes before I said, "You know what Carlisle and Esme are trying to do with us, don't you?" He smiled shortly and then nodded. I remember thinking that he was strange, because back then, he never used to smile properly.

We sat silently again for a few minutes. "Do you want to?" he asked and again, I remember thinking he was strange because of the way he talked, he was always depressed.

"I don't know," I replied.

"Maybe in time," he said calmly.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"I like you Nia," he suddenly said, and I looked at him. "I know I haven't known you long, but I like the way you think, it's…reassuring." I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. All I can recall is that suddenly we were very close; there was hardly a distance between Edward's face a mine. And then just like that, we kissed. To think about kissing Edward now grosses me out, but it happened. I didn't know what I was doing at the time. I felt my hand sliding up his neck, and knew that I had to stop.

"Edward," I whispered as I pushed him away, "this isn't going to work. I just broke up with someone – I still love him," I said, back then, regretfully, now, I'm so thankful.

"That can change," Edward whispered back, and I saw the desperation in him, just to be with someone.

He kissed me again and that time I found it harder to stop. I was sitting on the step but leant up against the wall. I had a leg on either side of Edward and he ran his hands up and down my back. Ew, thinking about it freaks me out. I eventually pushed him back, but he was eager for more.

"Edward I can't," I said, "I still love him. Who knows how long it's going to be before I…don't."

Edward then apologised and we carried on with things like normal. And now we're here today, best friends and like nothing ever happened, so this is why I'm so intrigued about why Edward brought it up.

I picked up my phone and dialled the house number. It rang once and then Edward picked up.

"Hey Edward, it's me," I said, hoping he wasn't on his way to meet Bella again.

"Oh hi, how's London?" he asked.

"It's doing fine, the last time I asked it," I joked, hoping that would ease the tension.

"I actually wanted to ask you something…about what you said…at the airport," I trailed off.

"Oh yeah, sorry about that. I don't know why I said it. I guess I was trying to remind you of what you were like after you broke up with James and thought that would stop you from going, but obviously it didn't," he sounded sincere.

"Oh, okay. I thought you might have…don't worry," I stopped, because I'm purely glad that he didn't mean anything else.

"Tell everyone I say hi, okay?" I changed subject.

"Sure," Edward said.

"I miss you guys," I added.

"Yeah, but you miss me most right?" He teased.

"Yeah, right, okay."

"I miss you too," Edward said, more genuine. We said farewell and then hung up. It was nice to get that cleared up. Now I had one less thing to think about.

The phone rang again, almost as soon as I put it down. The caller ID said it was James; the new James I had met.

"Hello?" I said when I picked up, even though I knew who it was going to be.

"Hi Nia, its James," he reassured.

"Oh hi James, what's up?"

"Well, it's my last night in London. I was just wondering if you fancied going out tonight." He asked politely. I couldn't really be bothered to be honest, but it was his last night, and it would be nice to see him at least once more, so I agreed to it. He was going to pick me up in an hour and a half, so I watched a bit of TV and then got changed soon after. Just as I was finishing up, there was a knock at my door and I assumed it was James. So I grabbed my bag and went towards the door. Without looking through the peep hole, I opened it.

James was not the man standing in front of me.

"Wow. You look gorgeous," Rob said in his beautiful accent. I didn't say anything because I was still surprised.

"Going out are you?" he asked, looking at my dress.

"No, I just like to dress up for fun," I said sarcastically, which I hope he didn't take offensively.

"Well… I was wondering if…maybe…you wanted to go out with me…but, I see that…you're already going out with someone, so, no worries," he said sadly.

"I would have said yes, if I wasn't already going out," I said. Rob smiled at me.

"You look really pretty," he murmured, before he went back into his room.

James appeared around the corner of the corridor. I shut the door, feeling bad about letting Rob down, but James and I didn't have any weird events that would make tonight uncomfortable, like I would have had with Rob.

James and I hugged and greeted each other before walking downstairs and catching a taxi to the restaurant. The road we approached was bright and lit up with tiny little lights, wrapped along pillars and posts. The lights from the restaurants were shining onto the shiny ground and illuminating wanderers' faces as they passed by.

James was a gentleman the whole evening. We made polite chit chat, and I had a really good time. James was a lovely guy and was going to make somebody out there a very happy woman. After dinner, we walked along the street for a while, before approaching a karaoke bar.

"Fancy a sing?" James asked.

"You're going to have to get my _very _drunk before I do that," I said.

James and I then walked inside and were surrounded my lots of drunk people having a really good time. As we walked through the clusters of tables, we came across some of James' old friends, who we sat with and ordered some drinks.

After a while, I did get a little tipsy. James and his friends kept urging me to sing, but I didn't know if I could.

"Go on, please!" James pleaded, he was also drunk.

"Just for you then," I finally gave in. I stumbled out of my chair and walked up the steps, everybody was waiting anxiously.

I got up onto the stage, and saw all the smiling, jolly faces waiting for me to sing. The music started playing, and the words appeared on the screen:

_"Where's the pain when you walk out the door?_

_It doesn't hurt like it used to before,"_

Really? What kind of song is this, I didn't want to sing something like this. I wanted to sing a happy song, something that I could enjoy and dance along to.

_"Where's the love that we couldn't ignore?_

_It doesn't kick like a pill anymore,_

_Where's the thrill at the end of our fights?_

_Where's the heat when we turn off the lights?_

_I just miss all the mess that we made,_

_When we still had the passion to hate,"_

James was looking up at me smiling, ugh, I hate that his name is James. I imagined what my James would be doing if I were singing this in front of him. He would probably be smiling too, and then come on stage and carry me out of here.

_"I miss missing you, sometimes,_

_I miss hurting you, 'till you cry,_

_I miss watching you as you try,_

_Try not to end up in tears,_

_Begging us to get back together,_

_I just want you to be,_

_To be stuck in a second forever,_

_So don't freak out if I leave,"_

This song was weirdly ironic and similar to my situation. I sang the rest, looking down at my feet and thinking about the words at the same time. I finally finished the, what felt like a very long song. Everyone cheered and whistled and James asked me if I would sing another, but I told him no.

I could only think about one line that really struck me and made me think even harder than all the other thinking I had been doing on this trip:

_"Cause love is only true if it hurts."_


	15. 14 Back Home

**14. BACK HOME **

James kissed me softly, only for a second. His lips were softer than usual. His cheeks were warmer than usual.

"You're warm," I breathed.

"I changed," he whispered, while stroking my jaw with his fingers, "for you, I changed."

"I knew you could…I knew you _would_." I said back.

We kissed again.

When I opened my eyes, he was gone. There was no-one in my hotel room. New James and I had said goodbye to each other last night. I hope we stay in touch; he was a nice guy.

I was going to go out again today, but I don't know where. I did shopping yesterday, so maybe I should do something interesting today; museums, galleries, colleges. What could I do that would be fun?

I went down to breakfast again, and had pretty much the same meal as yesterday morning, except for the snobby ladies weren't there, which already made my day better.

After I had gotten into a suitable state, I grabbed a cab down to one of my favourite places. James and I had visited here often. He would bring me down and twirl me around the fountains. We would sit on the many steps and I would eat lunch. And sometimes, late at night, when no-one else was around, we used to chase each other across the whole square and mess about in the fountains.

I found myself a nice golden step and plonked myself down. I looked out onto Trafalgar square. Individuals were busily rushing through the pigeons and people. The pigeons flew towards litter and food. The smell of food lingered in the air, as well as coffee and tobacco.

Some were reading, some listening to music, but I didn't want to do anything. I merely sat and 'people watched.' The men, the women, the young, the old, the dogs, all passing by with a life of their own; all of them with their own secrets and problems. And it was strange to know that absolutely none of them knew about me. They didn't know my secrets, or even my name and this made me feel so alone. There was no-one in this country who knew who I was, who knew really who I was, who knew about me, and spent more than a few hours with me.

I don't like this feeling, of loneliness, the lacking of companionship. But I chose this; to be alone and I could change it again, couldn't I? I could tell him, that I want him back.

The lunch time rush-hour was over, but the square was still full of activity, of life, of all those different lives. A man in a suit and carrying a briefcase was sat next to me. We weren't close, but I was close enough. I glanced at his watch. Time was going by quickly.

The man suddenly got up, leaving his rubbish behind and there was a bin right next to him! I leaned over and threw it into the bin. Bullseye!

A woman sat in his place. She was young, pretty; her scent was like citrus fruit. I couldn't help myself from speaking.

"Excuse me," I said, and she turned to face me, a book hanging from her fingertips. "I was wondering how old you are?"

"Twenty-one," she said. So she evidently wasn't very intelligent, otherwise she would have known better than to give her age to a stranger.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" I asked, and then realised that it sounded like I was hitting on her. I hope she didn't get the wrong impression.

She nodded nervously. "I was just wondering if I could ask for your opinion," I said, before she got really nervous. I moved a little closer to her.

"Say your boyfriend – what's his name?" I asked.

"James," she said with a smile. Oh my Jesus, James? I couldn't believe the coincidence.

"Okay. Say _James_ – I don't know – say, you and James had been together for a really long time, and then he did something…really bad. Would you forgive him?" I felt so stupid for asking her this; I didn't even know her name.

"But James wouldn't do something bad," she said irritatingly.

"Yes, but just imagine," I said.

"But he wouldn't do something bad," she said.

"Yeah, but just try and visualize that he did," I said annoyed.

"But why would I want to do that?" she asked, like a seven year old being asked to be naughty at school.

"You know what," I said fed-up, I covered my face with my hands, "don't worry," I finished and then got up and left.

"I would forgive him!" she shouted behind me.

"What?" I said quickly and surprised that she had shouted that loud for everyone to hear.

"I would forgive him," she said a lot quieter, "I love him too much to let him go," she said, before she turned around and went back to her step. I took a deep breath and carried on walking. I walked for ages, past pushing people and crying children. I walked and thought very hard.

If I were to go back to James, if I were to allow our relationship to be real again, what would I lose? I couldn't possibly become any more heartbroken than before. The only thing he could do to hurt me so badly again, would be to kill my family and I know not even James would do that.

I want to. I want to be with him so badly. Is this it? Have I made my decision? Had I come to a conclusion? Yes I had. James and I were in love, and I wasn't going to fight it anymore.

I grinned so widely that even the sad tramp on the road smiled. I skipped down the road, cars driving by. This place was familiar, but I had no idea where I was. People were giving me funny looks but I don't care, I'm so happy. And I can't wait to get back and tell James. He's going to be so happy and Edward, he'll probably be happy too. Esme will be happy. Everyone will be happy. Oh, I'm so happy.

I would finally be in James' arms again, without feeling guilty or like I couldn't, because I've said its okay. I've checked with myself and I'm fine with it. I've got to get back to the hotel and book the next flight home. I'm going back home with good news for a change. I'm going back home to my James, my James who I've missed so much, my James who I love with all my heart. My James-

Wait, this looks so familiar. There was a big, tall building with lots of windows in it. It's a block of flats I think. And then it hit me; the block of flats where we lived together. Subconsciously I walked in through the front door while someone was coming out. I went to the very top floor and found flat 40C. We always kept a spare key in the wall; all we had to do was break a piece out from the wall. I remembered my manners, so I knocked onto our flat door before entering.

"No-one lives there honey, and not for a while," said a sweet old lady. I thanked her, and then waited for her to pass on. I quickly punched the wall on the right of the door and a little chunk of it fell into my hand. The key still lay where we had left it. I took it out and then swiftly replaced the wall, fitting it into the gap.

I put the key in the lock and took a deep breath before entering. When I stepped inside the door, there was a picture of James and me hanging on the wall. As I turned left I saw more photos of us and they made me feel good about my choice.

But then my happiness faded as I saw the living area. It was just as we had left it, but that was the problem. The room was exactly as we had left it, and the atmosphere was exactly as we had left it, but my last memory here was not a happy one. The worst memory possible came back to me and I stumbled backwards.

I was sitting right in front of where I'm standing. I was watching the TV, waiting for James to come back. When he finally entered the room he smelt stronger than usual. He put the shopping bag down and came over to kiss me. And as he leaned in towards my lips, I saw it. I saw the human blood he forgot to wipe away. I asked him what it was, even though I already knew. He tried to dab it away, but he knew I was too clever to not figure it out. We fought for the first time ever. It's the most horrid, yet vivid memory I have and being here hasn't made anything better.

All I could think about now was how he had lied, for so long. I looked over to the kitchen area, where we had kissed he had lied to me. I looked over to the door of one of the other rooms, and how we had kissed and he had lied to me. I looked back at the sofa, and all I could think about was how we kissed and how he had lied to me.

I couldn't trust him, I wouldn't trust him. Coming back here has made me notice how much he lied to me. Every single day, every kiss, every time he had said he loved me. It was all lies, because he didn't love me, if he did then he wouldn't have lied. People who love each other don't lie to one another. How could I be sure of anything he was saying anymore? How would I know when he was telling the truth? And those humans, those poor humans that he kills. He's a monster; I don't want to be with a monster, do I? What if being with him turns me into a monster too? I don't want to be a monster.

I can't, I can't do it. And the sooner I tell him the better. I rushed out of that unpleasant flat and threw the key to the floor. I was caring too much about fighting back the tears then placing the key away safely.

I stormed through the hotel reception and up to my room. I slammed the door behind me and made the tables shiver. I went onto the internet and booked my ticket home. The flight was leaving two hours. I have enough time to pack and get there.

I dashed into my bedroom and collected all my clothes together. I piled them into the suitcase and snapped it shut. I dragged it down to reception and told them I was leaving. I threw a wad of cash at them and hoped it was enough. There were a couple of cabs waiting outside. I jumped in one.

"The airport, and be fast," I instructed. He put a foot on it without asking any questions. I spent the whole journey itching to go faster. I had to get out of here, I needed to see my family, I need to tell _him _that I couldn't be with him, I had to do it now, while I was geared up.

When we finally arrived, again, I threw some money at him and tumbled out of the cab. I ran over to the desk thing and shoved a whole bunch of important stuff in front of the lady. She took her dandy time, while I waited impatiently huffing.

When I was through will all the security and stuff, I had ten minutes before we were allowed to board. The ten minutes went as slowly as they could, but when they were up, I was the first in line.

They let me on and I leaped to my seat. I knew that this wasn't going to be fast, so as soon as we were in the air, I put on the headset and 'watched' and film or two.

Once we landed, I got out to the front of the airport on record timing. I'm sure no-one has ever boarded and left a plane as fast as I just did.

The cold air hit my face as soon as the door opened, but it was refreshing after the clammy atmosphere in the plane. I stood very still for a few seconds. I felt strange, like I had been _too _fast and my brain was still catching up. No-one else was around me. I wasn't breathing. I wasn't blinking; I was just staring at the ground in front of me.

My knees and ankles suddenly gave way, and I could feel gravity pushing me down towards the ground. I hit something cold and hard, but it was not the ground. I had fallen into someone's arms, and they cradled me while I pieced myself together again.

My breathing was frantic and I blinked uncontrollably. I looked up at the face above me. Edward looked concerned and fearful. I couldn't fight the tears anymore.

"Help me," I whispered, while weeping. Edward looked like he was going to cry. He pulled me further into his arms and hugged me tightly.

And I lay on the ground, crying into Edward's shoulder, knowing that soon we would get up, and I would have to tell _him. _


	16. 15 Facing my Fears

**15. FACING MY FEARS**

I was dazed through the whole car journey; my brain was still catching up with my actions.

When Edward parked the car in the garage, he took my suitcase out and carried it up to the house for me. I subconsciously walked behind him. When I entered the lounge, six smiling faces were watching me and that helped me forget about how I was feeling, because I was glad to see my family again.

They all stood in a semi-circle, awaiting their greetings and welcoming. Esme gave me a huge hug, saying how much she missed me. Carlisle smiled, and patted my shoulder. Emmett and Rose and Jasper all hugged and smiled. But when it came to Alice, she wasn't smiling; she didn't lean in to hug me. She stretched her neck and stood on her tip-toes so she could look me in the eyes. Her face was not a smile, or a welcome, but concern.

She frowned, "what I saw-" she asked as a question.

"Was nothing," I interjected quickly, before Esme could catch on. I nodded to approve. I didn't want Esme to start worrying over me; she'd never let me go anywhere by myself again.

Alice smiled, and I smiled too. She gave me a comforting hug. "Don't worry yourself about it," I whispered in her ear, so quietly that I didn't even hear myself say it. If I had spoken any louder, the others would have heard.

Edward had already taken my case up to my room. I looked him in the eyes and I could understand that he wanted to speak to me. I sauntered up the staircase, followed by Edward. We entered my room and so the interrogation began.

"Help me?" he asked.

"Edward, forget about that. I was tired, that's all," I tried to make-up.

"You plead for help and you want me to forget that you ever asked?" He said, angry and alarmed.

I stayed silent and walked to the window in my bedroom. How I missed my own bed, and my pictures, and my CD's, and this carpet, and the view.

"Now is not the time to be thinking about carpet Nia," he said softly. "You asked me for help, and it sounded like you need it too."

I turned from the window back to him, making myself dizzy with movement. "Well?" he pushed, "what do you want help with?"

"My English homework," I said sarcastically, "what do you think?" Edward was upset.

_'I was stupid, okay?'_ I thought, I didn't want anyone to overhear and it was very easy to do that in this house, _'I didn't know what I was saying, I was in shock, I wasn't myself. It's not like you could help me with this situation anyway.'_

"I could try-" he tried to say.

"No Edward you can't! No-one can," I said out loud, a bit too harshly and I regretted it after it came out. He turned around and began to walk out.

_'Edward,'_ I called in my head and he stopped at the door, _'you've already helped me as much as you can. It would be selfish of me to ask you to do the impossible,'_ I said, and he shifted around again so he faced me.

"What is this impossible thing?" he asked.

"To turn back time, and unless you have Doctor Who's number, I don't think it's possible," I said smiling.

Edward laughed and then left. I sat in my bedroom alone…again. But I knew I wouldn't be alone for long. _He _would be here soon. _He _would come looking and asking.

I waited for five minutes, which doesn't sound like long, but time went so slowly, I thought my clock was broken. And then, as I was staring out at the forest, I saw someone emerge from the edge and it was who I expected it to be. He looked up at my window and his face turned excited. He climbed up the side of the house and in through the window, but I did not move a muscle. He stood silently before me and raised an eyebrow.

"Sit down," I said and I patted the bed next to me. He moved slowly, but never took his glare away from my eyes.

"My trip was good. I cleared my head, did a lot of thinking," I breathed a laugh. I couldn't look at his eager face, he thought that it was good news, I could tell.

"And I thought, what's the point of being alone? And so I was…going to accept. But then…I went back to our flat…and it reminded me of everything; all the lies."

James shook his head in despair and ignorance.

"I can't do it James," I whispered, and I started to cry helplessly. He shook his head more.

"I'm sorry," I added.

"No, no, no Nia. You can. What about everything we've been through? What about our love?" he fought.

"James, I don't trust you. How can we have a relationship without trust?" I asked, trying to make him see.

"I don't care if you don't trust me. I don't care if you ask me where I am all the time and where I've been and who I'm with, I don't care!" he fought harder.

"I can't support you. I can't support what you do and your hunting patterns," I threw another reason at him.

"We can work it out," he pleaded. He took my face in his hands like he always does, but this time it was more sincere and earnest.

"James, you have to accept this. You have to go," I blabbered. He sprung up in infatuation.

"No! I'm not going anywhere without you," he demanded. I also stood up.

"James please, just accept it!" I begged.

"No!" he snarled. He came forwards and didn't stop walking until he had me up against the wall of windows. The cold glass wiped my back and James' cold breath fell onto my face. His hand was on my jaw and neck. He kissed me heartily, his hands now on my back. I found his chest and pushed him as forcefully as I could, but he only pulled his head back.

"That isn't going to change my mind," I whispered. James' face dropped, like he had failed. I now put my hand on his jaw and neck and touched my forehead to his. My nose went cold against his.

"You have to go," I muttered. He half smiled, kissed me, and then kissed me on the forehead, before he jumped out of one of the windows behind me. He dealt with that a lot better than I thought he would. And _I_ dealt with that better than I thought Iwould.

I went straight to bed. I shouted goodnight to everyone from the top of the stairs. The night was peaceful surprisingly, no nightmares, no dreams, just peace. Well this wasn't normal.

The next day, when we rolled into school in Emmett's Jeep everyone stared again. That might have been because Emmett decided he was going to stand up at the back, so we were driving around with an Emmett poking out of the car. I hadn't seen these young faces in ages.

I saw Bella, and I said hello and smiled. No doubt she would be sitting with Edward for lunch today.

The day dragged on like it normally does. The teachers were interested in where I had been. I told them I was ill, but they weren't very impressed.

"You've missed quite a lot of work," they all said, trying to make me worried.

"I've done everything before," I said under my breath and then one of the teachers told me to watch my attitude. Yeah, whatever, I'm older than they are; they should be treating _me_ with respect.

When lunchtime came, I was excited, mainly because it was pizza day in the canteen. I got my own lunch tray knowing full well that I would have Rosalie's as well. She pushed it over when I sat down next to Emmett. I saw Edward and Bella talking quietly. I finished one lot of pizza quickly and then I decided that I was going to go and embarrass Edward, so I picked up one tray and went over to their table. I sat down next to Edward. He frowned at me.

"Hey guys!" I said, over enthusiastic, biting my pizza, "What are you crazy kids up to?" I continued with the over enthusiasm.

"Nia, what are you-" Edward tried to say, but I didn't want to listen to him.

"So Bella," I interrupted, "what's up with you," I smiled. She became nervous and agitated.

"Um," she pushed her hair back from her small, pale face, "nothing much," she said quietly.

"That sounds like fun," I uttered. I knew Edward was staring at me in disbelief wondering what the hell I was doing, but it was my job to embarrass him and plus, I wanted to get to know Bella more. But before I could ask any more questions, Mike Newton approached our table.

"Hey Nia, how's it going?" he asked. Why was he asking me? And how rude of him to interrupt our conversation.

"Me and my pizza were having a very good time together until you came along," I complained. He laughed an annoying little laugh that made me want to smack him.

"I heard you were ill for a couple of days, are you feeling better now?" he asked. Why was he asking me these questions? What did he want?

"I was feeling better, but then I saw your face and now I feel a bit nauseous again," I insulted, but he laughed again.

"Could I speak to you in private?" he asked.

"Anything you want to say to me in private you can say right here," I stated. He crouched down by the table so he was closer to my face.

"I was just wondering if, maybe, you wanted to start…going out together?" His words slapped me across the face like a wet towel.

"What?!" I managed to spit out.

"Well, it's obvious that we have this…connection. Don't you feel it?" He said, but I couldn't take him seriously. Was he actually being genuine about this?

"I know I can definitely feel your connection too," Edward said in a fake tone; this was him trying to get his own back on me.

"See," Mike said, "Edward can feel our bond, we have something."

"Are you freakin' serious?!" I shouted, "I hate you!" Mike tried to say something, but I wouldn't let him. I could hear Edward and Bella laughing behind me.

"I hate you so much; I have fantasies about killing you, not…_kissing_ you. Ew, gross, that's disgusting. How could you ever think I would go out with _you_? Have you seen _you_? I mean really? Do you know what you're like? You irritate me so much that I feel like ripping your head off, I _HATE _you!" I ranted. All Mike could say was, "Oh." And then he ran back to his little friends, but they were all laughing at him too.

"Oh my god, that was amazing," Bella said while still chuckling.

"Well, you know, insulting is one of the things I'm best at," I smiled and we all laughed again, the three of us, together. I could get used to this; Bella being here. She was easy to get on with, no hassle, no drama, no annoying little things; she was herself and no-one else. She didn't try to be anyone else and that's probably why Edward liked her so much.

She was different, but she was normal, but she wasn't normal, does that make sense? I'm really bad at making sense of things, aren't I? I should read more, but I do like reading, but I don't have the time. Oh, I need to do that thing for Esme and I need to go to the hospital. I haven't been to the hospital in ages. Ah, I should check up on some patients. My patients are so nice. Oh, Betty, I remember Betty. She was the coolest. Oh Betty, but she died. And she knew, about me and my family…because of James.

But I don't need to think about _him _because _he's_ not important. _He's _nothing. _He _doesn't mean anything to me. Whois _he_? I've never heard of _him_ before, because I don't know _him_. I've never known _him_. I don't know _him. He_ means nothing to me… _He _means _nothing_ to me.

What was I thinking about before? Oh yeah, Bella…she's nice.


	17. 16 Guest in the House

**16. FACING MY FEARS**

I was dazed through the whole car journey; my brain was still catching up with my actions.

When Edward parked the car in the garage, he took my suitcase out and carried it up to the house for me. I subconsciously walked behind him. When I entered the lounge, six smiling faces were watching me and that helped me forget about how I was feeling, because I was glad to see my family again.

They all stood in a semi-circle, awaiting their greetings and welcoming. Esme gave me a huge hug, saying how much she missed me. Carlisle smiled, and patted my shoulder. Emmett and Rose and Jasper all hugged and smiled. But when it came to Alice, she wasn't smiling; she didn't lean in to hug me. She stretched her neck and stood on her tip-toes so she could look me in the eyes. Her face was not a smile, or a welcome, but concern.

She frowned, "what I saw-" she asked as a question.

"Was nothing," I interjected quickly, before Esme could catch on. I nodded to approve. I didn't want Esme to start worrying over me; she'd never let me go anywhere by myself again.

Alice smiled, and I smiled too. She gave me a comforting hug. "Don't worry yourself about it," I whispered in her ear, so quietly that I didn't even hear myself say it. If I had spoken any louder, the others would have heard.

Edward had already taken my case up to my room. I looked him in the eyes and I could understand that he wanted to speak to me. I sauntered up the staircase, followed by Edward. We entered my room and so the interrogation began.

"Help me?" he asked.

"Edward, forget about that. I was tired, that's all," I tried to make-up.

"You plead for help and you want me to forget that you ever asked?" He said, angry and alarmed.

I stayed silent and walked to the window in my bedroom. How I missed my own bed, and my pictures, and my CD's, and this carpet, and the view.

"Now is not the time to be thinking about carpet Nia," he said softly. "You asked me for help, and it sounded like you need it too."

I turned from the window back to him, making myself dizzy with movement. "Well?" he pushed, "what do you want help with?"

"My English homework," I said sarcastically, "what do you think?" Edward was upset.

_'I was stupid, okay?'_ I thought, I didn't want anyone to overhear and it was very easy to do that in this house, _'I didn't know what I was saying, I was in shock, I wasn't myself. It's not like you could help me with this situation anyway.'_

"I could try-" he tried to say.

"No Edward you can't! No-one can," I said out loud, a bit too harshly and I regretted it after it came out. He turned around and began to walk out.

_'Edward,'_ I called in my head and he stopped at the door, _'you've already helped me as much as you can. It would be selfish of me to ask you to do the impossible,'_ I said, and he shifted around again so he faced me.

"What is this impossible thing?" he asked.

"To turn back time, and unless you have Doctor Who's number, I don't think it's possible," I said smiling.

Edward laughed and then left. I sat in my bedroom alone…again. But I knew I wouldn't be alone for long. _He _would be here soon. _He _would come looking and asking.

I waited for five minutes, which doesn't sound like long, but time went so slowly, I thought my clock was broken. And then, as I was staring out at the forest, I saw someone emerge from the edge and it was who I expected it to be. He looked up at my window and his face turned excited. He climbed up the side of the house and in through the window, but I did not move a muscle. He stood silently before me and raised an eyebrow.

"Sit down," I said and I patted the bed next to me. He moved slowly, but never took his glare away from my eyes.

"My trip was good. I cleared my head, did a lot of thinking," I breathed a laugh. I couldn't look at his eager face, he thought that it was good news, I could tell.

"And I thought, what's the point of being alone? And so I was…going to accept. But then…I went back to our flat…and it reminded me of everything; all the lies."

James shook his head in despair and ignorance.

"I can't do it James," I whispered, and I started to cry helplessly. He shook his head more.

"I'm sorry," I added.

"No, no, no Nia. You can. What about everything we've been through? What about our love?" he fought.

"James, I don't trust you. How can we have a relationship without trust?" I asked, trying to make him see.

"I don't care if you don't trust me. I don't care if you ask me where I am all the time and where I've been and who I'm with, I don't care!" he fought harder.

"I can't support you. I can't support what you do and your hunting patterns," I threw another reason at him.

"We can work it out," he pleaded. He took my face in his hands like he always does, but this time it was more sincere and earnest.

"James, you have to accept this. You have to go," I blabbered. He sprung up in infatuation.

"No! I'm not going anywhere without you," he demanded. I also stood up.

"James please, just accept it!" I begged.

"No!" he snarled. He came forwards and didn't stop walking until he had me up against the wall of windows. The cold glass wiped my back and James' cold breath fell onto my face. His hand was on my jaw and neck. He kissed me heartily, his hands now on my back. I found his chest and pushed him as forcefully as I could, but he only pulled his head back.

"That isn't going to change my mind," I whispered. James' face dropped, like he had failed. I now put my hand on his jaw and neck and touched my forehead to his. My nose went cold against his.

"You have to go," I muttered. He half smiled, kissed me, and then kissed me on the forehead, before he jumped out of one of the windows behind me. He dealt with that a lot better than I thought he would. And _I_ dealt with that better than I thought Iwould.

I went straight to bed. I shouted goodnight to everyone from the top of the stairs. The night was peaceful surprisingly, no nightmares, no dreams, just peace. Well this wasn't normal.

The next day, when we rolled into school in Emmett's Jeep everyone stared again. That might have been because Emmett decided he was going to stand up at the back, so we were driving around with an Emmett poking out of the car. I hadn't seen these young faces in ages.

I saw Bella, and I said hello and smiled. No doubt she would be sitting with Edward for lunch today.

The day dragged on like it normally does. The teachers were interested in where I had been. I told them I was ill, but they weren't very impressed.

"You've missed quite a lot of work," they all said, trying to make me worried.

"I've done everything before," I said under my breath and then one of the teachers told me to watch my attitude. Yeah, whatever, I'm older than they are; they should be treating _me_ with respect.

When lunchtime came, I was excited, mainly because it was pizza day in the canteen. I got my own lunch tray knowing full well that I would have Rosalie's as well. She pushed it over when I sat down next to Emmett. I saw Edward and Bella talking quietly. I finished one lot of pizza quickly and then I decided that I was going to go and embarrass Edward, so I picked up one tray and went over to their table. I sat down next to Edward. He frowned at me.

"Hey guys!" I said, over enthusiastic, biting my pizza, "What are you crazy kids up to?" I continued with the over enthusiasm.

"Nia, what are you-" Edward tried to say, but I didn't want to listen to him.

"So Bella," I interrupted, "what's up with you," I smiled. She became nervous and agitated.

"Um," she pushed her hair back from her small, pale face, "nothing much," she said quietly.

"That sounds like fun," I uttered. I knew Edward was staring at me in disbelief wondering what the hell I was doing, but it was my job to embarrass him and plus, I wanted to get to know Bella more. But before I could ask any more questions, Mike Newton approached our table.

"Hey Nia, how's it going?" he asked. Why was he asking me? And how rude of him to interrupt our conversation.

"Me and my pizza were having a very good time together until you came along," I complained. He laughed an annoying little laugh that made me want to smack him.

"I heard you were ill for a couple of days, are you feeling better now?" he asked. Why was he asking me these questions? What did he want?

"I was feeling better, but then I saw your face and now I feel a bit nauseous again," I insulted, but he laughed again.

"Could I speak to you in private?" he asked.

"Anything you want to say to me in private you can say right here," I stated. He crouched down by the table so he was closer to my face.

"I was just wondering if, maybe, you wanted to start…going out together?" His words slapped me across the face like a wet towel.

"What?!" I managed to spit out.

"Well, it's obvious that we have this…connection. Don't you feel it?" He said, but I couldn't take him seriously. Was he actually being genuine about this?

"I know I can definitely feel your connection too," Edward said in a fake tone; this was him trying to get his own back on me.

"See," Mike said, "Edward can feel our bond, we have something."

"Are you freakin' serious?!" I shouted, "I hate you!" Mike tried to say something, but I wouldn't let him. I could hear Edward and Bella laughing behind me.

"I hate you so much; I have fantasies about killing you, not…_kissing_ you. Ew, gross, that's disgusting. How could you ever think I would go out with _you_? Have you seen _you_? I mean really? Do you know what you're like? You irritate me so much that I feel like ripping your head off, I _HATE _you!" I ranted. All Mike could say was, "Oh." And then he ran back to his little friends, but they were all laughing at him too.

"Oh my god, that was amazing," Bella said while still chuckling.

"Well, you know, insulting is one of the things I'm best at," I smiled and we all laughed again, the three of us, together. I could get used to this; Bella being here. She was easy to get on with, no hassle, no drama, no annoying little things; she was herself and no-one else. She didn't try to be anyone else and that's probably why Edward liked her so much.

She was different, but she was normal, but she wasn't normal, does that make sense? I'm really bad at making sense of things, aren't I? I should read more, but I do like reading, but I don't have the time. Oh, I need to do that thing for Esme and I need to go to the hospital. I haven't been to the hospital in ages. Ah, I should check up on some patients. My patients are so nice. Oh, Betty, I remember Betty. She was the coolest. Oh Betty, but she died. And she knew, about me and my family…because of James.

But I don't need to think about _him _because _he's_ not important. _He's _nothing. _He _doesn't mean anything to me. Whois _he_? I've never heard of _him_ before, because I don't know _him_. I've never known _him_. I don't know _him. He_ means nothing to me… _He _means _nothing_ to me.

What was I thinking about before? Oh yeah, Bella…she's nice.


	18. 17 Unpleasant Surprise

**17. UNPLEASANT SURPRISE**

We went to school, but today I would be spending most of my time practising for the fundraiser tonight. They wanted me to do a dance, and stupidly I accepted.

When I got into the gym, I got changed and put the music on, first I began by stretching, I didn't need to, it's not like I would pull a muscle or anything, but the gym teacher was watching, so I had to show I was doing things properly.

I was kind of excited for tonight, because the whole family was going, and so Esme and Carlisle would see my performance. Also, we were going with Bella, which was bound to make things more interesting.

After I had stretched I began practising, but then I realised that I needed a partner. This wasn't the same dance as the one before, but it was an Argentine Tango. I told the teacher and she disappeared for ten minutes; I was beginning to think she had forgotten, but then she returned with five boys. I was going to have to trial them all.

There were two main components in the dance; strength and speed. If these guys weren't quick enough or strong enough, then I would be in deep trouble. I could tell that the first guy wouldn't cut it, he was weedy and lanky, and his legs were too long. But I gave it a go anyway. Firstly I tried the hardest lift in the dance, which would be me vertical and upside down in the air, with my hands on his shoulders and he would have to support my weight.

I ran up to him, but he dodged out of the way, so we tried again, but the next time, he could barely life me off the ground at all. I went through all of the boys she had brought to me, and none of them were perfect. But the last one was the best, so I accepted him and we began practising. His name was Luke, but I didn't really care, as long as he didn't mess this dance up then it was fine.

We practiced the whole day, but not for my benefit. He wasn't too bad and needed frequent breaks. Every time he stopped I looked around the hall, because for some reason, I was expecting to see _him _there.

At lunch, we took a break. The corridors were full of posters and excited teenagers talking about it, I don't know why, it was nothing special.

When lunch had finished we returned to training, but the second half of the day went much quicker than the first. When the day had finished, we arranged what time we would meet at the fundraiser and I told him to relax, because he looked like he was going to pee himself.

When I went home, I only thought about the steps, nothing could distract me tonight, tonight was important. Apparently there was going to be a scout, who was coming especially to watch me, so I had to impress.

I got changed into my performance outfit, but took a spare change of clothes with me. When I came down the stairs, Esme said I looked lovely and Carlisle said I looked like a true Argentinean.

When we all arrived at school, more people were staring than usual, mostly because _all _of us were together in a group. Bella told me that she felt odd standing with all of us, but I told her that she fitted in more than I did. She was pale, and so was everyone else, I wasn't pale, I didn't have bronze or blonde hair and I wasn't as white as a sheet. I always felt awkward standing next to my family, knowing that they all looked the same and I was different. I guess Bella's different in another way.

When we walked in, I put my bag down on our table, and went to find…erm…what's his name? John? Ralph? Lucas? Luke; I went to find Luke. We would be opening the night, so my family wished me luck and I went. When I finally found Luke backstage, we rehearsed one last time, and things went okay then, so hopefully he wouldn't mess it up.

The curtain opened and I could hear our names being called out, we walked on and got into our starting positions. I took one quick glance at our table. Esme and Carlisle looked so proud, and that gave me the final boost of confidence, and motivation.

We started well, and ended well. Nothing went wrong and I thanked Luke afterwards. Everyone was on their feet apart from Mike Newton, who was barely standing. After the dance I met the scout and he said that I had a lot of potential and he would definitely think about giving me an offer. But was it worth it? I would have to leave the academy or school soon after. I couldn't become famous, because I would never get old, I would never be able to just disappear like we do now. There was really no point; I wouldn't be able to accept.

The headmaster wanted me to make a little speech about how the school had been supportive of my dancing. So I did go on stage, but I wasn't going to do what he wanted.

"I've been dancing for a long time, and there are only three people that I can really blame for that. Firstly, my guardians, Carlisle and Esme; you've kept me going through all the bad times. You've spurred me on and supported me when no-one else understood," I had to try so hard not to well up. _'Apart from you as well,'_ I thought, and hopefully he was listening in. I quickly looked at him and he smiled, so I was pretty sure he had heard.

"You are the best guardians anyone could ask for, and I love you with all my heart. The third person I would like to thank; my mother, for never giving up on me. And telling me, that even though I was different, I could achieve anything I wanted and I could be anyone I wanted, even if I was set in a certain way. I will love her forever. Thanks mum," I finished, and bit my lip to hold in those tears.

People were crying, but not my family. If they could, Esme would be in puddles of tears, but she couldn't, and I know at that point, she hated herself for that.

I went straight down to her and gave her a massive hug.

"That was beautiful," she whispered. I released my hold on her and then looked up at the others again. Over Jaspers shoulder, there was something bright and orange, like flames. It was looking at none other than the person next to it. People were talking to me, but I did not hear them, the blur of voices merged together. What frightened me most was that I knew what these flames were. And indeed the person next to her was who I thought. There they stood, together facing away from the people. I was petrified of what they were planning. Why were they here? It didn't matter, they have to go, there are too many humans in here. They had to get out now.

I pushed past Esme and Jasper. I heard Edward calling my name, but I did not stop pushing through the mums and dads and sons and daughters who would all be dead if I didn't get those two out now.

I didn't look at fire lady, only at _him. _I pulled his sleeve hard.

"Outside…now," I said sharply, and made them lead so I could keep my eye on them. I still hadn't looked at that dragons face, only at _his. _We were a good distance away from the building.

"Can we talk in private?" I demanded sternly. He sent the woman into the woods, and soon she was gone.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here?" I said abruptly.

"Look Nia, we didn't know you were going to be here. We were just hunting," he said calmly.

"Just hunting?!" I said hysterically, "You were going to kill all those people?!"

"The way I hunt has nothing to do with you anymore. I thought you didn't want anything to do with me," he said.

"You've come to my school, knowing full well that I go here!" I shouted.

"Well I didn't know you were going to be here!" he shouted back.

"It makes no difference!" I screamed. There was a bang of thunder and rain started pouring down.

"Look at us, fighting," he said. I didn't respond, I didn't know how to respond. I could agree, or dismiss it, either one would make no difference.

"I wish we could go back to how we used to be. I wish we could hold each other like we used to, kiss like we used to, sing to each other like we used to!" he exclaimed.

"What, do you want me to sing to you?" I said unbelievably.

_He _started to walk away, but if he wants a song, then he can have a song. I drew in a deep breath and let the rain hammer onto my face.

_"I don't wanna talk_

_About the things we've gone through,"_

He turned back around to face me.

_"Though it's hurting me_

_Now it's history_

_I've played all my cards_

_And that's what you've done too_

_Nothing more to say_

_No more ace to play_

_The winner takes it all_

_The loser standing small_

_Beside the victory_

_That's her destiny_

_I was in your arms_

_Thinking I belonged there_

_I figured it made sense_

_Building me a fence_

_Building me a home_

_Thinking I'd be strong there_

_But I was a fool_

_Playing by the rules_

_The winner takes it all_

_The loser has to fall_

_It's simple and it's plain_

_Why should I complain?"_

I had to re-catch my breath, as crying and singing at the same time was not an easy thing to do, although I could not tell the tears and the rain from one another. I knew the next bit would hurt to say, but he wanted me to sing.

_"Tell me does she kiss_

_Like I used to kiss you?_

_Does it feel the same_

_When she calls your name?_

_Somewhere deep inside_

_You must know I miss you_

_But what more can I say_

_Rules must be obeyed_

_The game is on again_

_A lover or a friend_

_A big thing or a small_

_The winner takes it all…"_

I couldn't show him how weak I was; I had to finish the song, even if this was stupid.

_"I don't wanna talk_

_Cause it makes me feel sad_

_And I understand _

_You've come to shake my hand_

_And I apologize_

_If it makes you feel bad_

_Seeing me so tense_

_No self-confidence_

_But you see…"_

"You've taken it all James," I managed to choke out. He looked surprised and upset, and so am I. I can't believe I've just sang a song to him. Well, what can I say? That song is how I feel; I would never be able to spit it out if I were just talking.

"No I haven't," He said quietly. What was he playing at?

"Yes you have! You've taken everything. You've taken my heart; you've taken over my mind. You've taken over my life!" I blubbered.

He stood still, and he looked as if he was thinking about what he was going to say next, but I don't think it will matter. No amount of words is going to heal the scar he left thirty years ago. The scar that has been aching for thirty years. The scar that has been bleeding for thirty years. The scar he cut so deep, it's never been able to heal itself.

"What more can you take from me?" The words were barely coming out, I couldn't hear them myself, but I hope he could.

"But I don't have you," He said gently. What?! Maybe he _couldn't_ hear me, because I've just explained to him how much he has of me.

I became a bit hysterical. "Are you that stupid?" I asked, raising my trembling voice so that I was sure he would hear. No-one had come outside, which I'm glad about.

"You've got _everything!_" I shouted, sounding like I was being drowned, the tears streaming fiercer against my face.

"There is nothing – nothing of mine that doesn't belong to you," I said, calmer. He carried on looking upset and thought long and hard about what he should say.

"No Nia, you're wrong," Come again? It took him that long to come up crap like that?

"You're ridiculous you are," I whimpered, hoping that it wouldn't be a whimper at all, but a confident statement.

"Don't say that. I don't have you, okay?" I tried to laugh mockingly at his opinion, at how stupid it was and utterly incorrect, but it sounded more like I had lost my breath and then tried to catch it again. He rolled his eyes impatiently.

"I don't have you," he said more sternly. "I don't have your warm body next to me every morning. I don't have your wonderfully bright smile everyday. I don't have your smooth hair to touch. I don't have your soft skin to stroke. I don't have your wide eyes to gaze into. I don't have your pink lips to kiss. I don't have your small hand to hold. I haven't got you Nia."

I was speechless. I know that he has feelings for me, of course I know that. I know that he's romantic and cheeky, but I never thought he treasured those things so dearly. I never thought that he would pay attention to those things and miss them when they were taken away from him. I didn't know that he likes to hold my, according to him, 'small' hand.

I watched him turn away and begin to walk into the edge of the trees where the fire lady had left. For a second, I thought I saw him crying, but I forgot that that was impossible, and that it was only the rain running down his face.

I was soaking from head to foot. The little droplets of water fell from my hair and along the line of my nose, finally dripping off the end and sauntering across my lips – the pink lips he didn't have to kiss. The small raindrop fell off my chin and wriggled inside my top, down across my chest – where he had not been for a while.

I was unconscious of the fact it was raining harder than when it first started. All I can think about is that little raindrop, making its way slowly across my body without any difficulty, taking one small step at a time. I am so unlike that raindrop. My life feels like its going at 200mph and for once, I can't keep up. For once, the leaps I'm taking aren't big enough, the breaths I'm breathing aren't deep enough, the air I'm consuming isn't clean enough.

When was this all going to end? When would he go away and I grow 'old' and move into a house with my twenty-five cats and I'll smell of an old person, even though I won't look it, and he'll stop bothering, and he'll be happy with fire lady and he wont remember me and I'll be living by myself with all my cats, but eventually they'll die and leave me too and then I would have to get more cats, but then would all the cats die? And then what would happen to me, because I wouldn't die, because I can't. I can't die.

"You okay?" came a soft voice. I didn't even turn to Edward, but kept staring straight into nothing.

"Take me home please."

We didn't talk in the car, the music is very quiet. Edward doesn't need to ask me what happened, he can just find out later when I begin to think about it again.

I wasn't sure what to do once I was inside the house, so I stood still and kept my arms wrapped around my body. The water still fell off me and I left wet foot prints on the floor, I would have to clean that.

_'Go.' _I thought, _'go back to Bella, enjoy the fundraiser.' _I actually was facing him now and showed him something that wasn't a smile, but was all I could do right now. Edward's eyes showed worry and concern.

_'I'll be fine, just go…please.' _

Edward kissed me on the cheek, gave me a hug and then left, to go back to Bella. His Bella, the one he loves and who loves him, their complications so much worse than mine and James', yet something makes me envy them. They are always happy together, I can't think of the last time I was truly happy with _him_…funny that.

I squeezed my hair into the sink and then again a couple more times. I made a special effort not to damage the carpet too much as I walked upstairs and into my bedroom. Before my pupils had a chance to dilate and focus on the room, I heard someone.

"I'm sorry," he said, and as he said it, I then realised how many times _he_ has said that word. I've always expected him to be sorry. He's not the one who should be sorry. It's my entire fault – everything. _He_ hasn't ruined anything; all the destruction and pain that I've suffered – it was all me. _He_ hasn't done anything. I should have checked for these things and made a thorough analysis before I fell in love. I should have moved away from _him_ when he first turned up here, not asked _him_ to go, that way I wouldn't have made my family listen to the screaming and shouting at night, they wouldn't have felt any pain either. I was the trouble maker here – me. This was _my_ fault. All my fault.

I flicked on the light and shook my head.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for," I whispered feeling so ashamed of myself. I thought the rain was still running down my face, but no, these were tears now. I could tell the difference, I knew why they were there; because I had just revealed something which would have been better off covered up.

I sniffed and wiped some salty liquid off my cheek. I looked up and started crying even more, buckets of tears pouring out, not because of the song, not because of the conversation afterwards, not even because of my revelation, but because this was the first time ever – ever in the whole history of me and James, that he had left me standing so close and not said goodbye, with a kiss on the forehead and a smile of reassurance.


	19. 18 The Game Begins

**18. THE GAME BEGINS**

It was starting to drizzle when we got into Emmett's jeep. We were going to play baseball, and Bella was coming too. She wasn't very sporty, but that wasn't why she couldn't play. Vampires play baseball slightly different to humans; we were faster, stronger, and immensely competitive. Alice said there was a storm coming, and that meant we could play. We needed the thunder to mask the blast of the bat striking the ball. I was wearing my baseball outfit and was rather excited when we set off. It had been a while since we all were together doing something fun. When I first moved in with these guys, I had to learn a lot about the sport, because we don't really play it in England.

When we approached the clearing, I became even more excited. It was large and wide, plenty of space to run around. I would be fielding first. Bella and Edward soon arrived and we began to get into position. Alice would be throwing the ball and Rosalie would be hitting first.

She went up, a determined snarl on her face. Her golden hair blew out from under her cap. Bella sat with Esme and they would be umpiring.

Alice threw the ball at Rosalie, it would have been a blur to Bella, but it was as clear as crystal for us. It individually flew threw the air and hit the bat. There was a loud crack as it flew off the bat and shot back through the air.

Edward and I always had a competition at baseball games. There was an everlasting debate about who was faster, me or Edward. And clearly it was me, but some people didn't see that. We both looked at each other and then turned into the trees, chasing the ball like a cop and robber. We were neck and neck, but I pushed to be ahead. I ran toward Edward, but I was still just in front.

"Come on slow coach," I shouted behind me and he laughed as I did too. I finally was in the right place to reach the ball, so I climbed up the tree and caught it in mid flight. I threw it back quickly and then jumped down from the tree.

"Race you back," Edward said, and he already started running.

"That's not fair!" I shouted, but ran harder and harder to stay with his pace. We entered the clearing at the same time and the others were ready to go again.

This time Carlisle was batting. He hit the ball and I knew I could get it even before I went into the trees. There was one big tree on the edge of the forest. I climbed up it in three big leaps and reached out for the ball, Emmett had also done the same on another near-by tree. We both reached out for the small object, and I managed to snatch it, before he did. I threw it back and we started again.

I stood by the edge of the clearing, Edward and Emmett on either side in front of me. Carlisle hit the ball again, and I ran up and towards the ball, leaping off a large stone. Edward jumped off a piece of tree and Emmett flew off the ground, we all dashed to the same thing. Suddenly the ball went out of sight, and all I could see were these two figures coming at me. We all collided together, the ball falling not far from us. We crashed as we hit one another, then when we fell to the ground, it rumbled and shook. The three of us lay laughing.

When we had finally got up, I had imagined they would be ready for another person to bat, but Alice had already thrown the ball and it had been hit into the forest.

"Stop!" She yelled. We all gathered around her. "Three of them, they're coming," she whispered. We all knew who she meant by they. There were vampires coming, most likely non-vegetarians; Bella…

I knew my gut feeling was right, but I had to check.

"Alice, what do they look like?" I asked.

"One's dark, a woman, she has red hair, another man, blonde," she said. I knew, I knew it would be _him_.

"Oh no," I breathed. James was a tracker, he would smell Bella's scent and track her down, he wouldn't stop until he found her.

"Edward you have to get Bella out of here now!" I warned.

"There's not enough time," Carlisle said.

"Edward…" I started but I was distracted by Bella's worried and confused face.

"Bella – put your hair down, be quiet, and stand behind me. Don't let them see you," I advised, and I knew she was clever enough to follow.

We stood in formation, ready to meet them, ready to meet _him _and his coven. The wind blew, and Bella's scent sifted through my nose. There was no-use, this was it, the game had begun.


	20. 19 Plans

**19. PLANS**

They emerged from the edge of the forest in synchronized manner. James was on the right, a dark man with dreadlocks in the middle and fire woman on the left. They stood a metre in front of us, the dark one holding the ball. I looked at James, and he looked at me. The dark one said something, and then threw the ball at Carlisle. Their eyes were all that ruby red that made me cringe.

"You're not going to introduce me then?" James suddenly said. I didn't want my family to know this was the man I loved. I sighed.

"Everybody, this is James," I muttered. Everyone, even Esme and Carlisle turned to look at me in disbelief.

"I'm Laurent," the middle one said in a slight French accent, "and this is Victoria," he said pointing towards the dragon woman. Carlisle introduced himself and the others.

"And you seem to know Nia," he added. James' was staring in my direction, but his focus was elsewhere.

"Ha, so you're Nia?" Victoria said, "You're a lot uglier than James said you were," she smirked, with the evilest of expressions.

"Ha, so you're Victoria?" I asked, "You're a lot _prettier _than James said you were," I smirked back. She glanced at James, but he was not paying attention to the conversation.

Laurent asked if they could join the game and of course, Carlisle being the absolute gentleman he is agreed to it, but made up a very clever excuse that some of our players were leaving, which would be Bella and Edward, then Bella could get out of here and she'd be fine. Laurent and Victoria walked towards the playing area, but James did not move. He was glaring at Bella. I walked over to his side.

"Come on James," I said, but he did not move, as if I hadn't said anything at all.

"James," I urged, but he was not moving, just staring and scrutinizing Bella.

"James," I urged again, but I was too late and my distracting techniques were too poor. The wind blew, and Bella's hair moved a little in the wind.

James lurched forward into a crouch. Edward bared his teeth, crouching in front of Bella; an untamed snarl came from his throat. The rest of the family were crouched too, and so were Laurent and dragon lady. I was the only one standing upright.

"James, please," I said, but he did nothing.

"You brought a snack?" he asked, and leaned further into his crouch.

"We will go now," Laurent said. Laurent and Victoria were the first to snap up from their positions, but James remained for a few seconds before pulsing up.

"James, please," I said again. He walked away, didn't even look at me. Even though he was walking away, I knew he wasn't going to stop until he got what he wanted.

"Please James!" I shouted, but he carried on walking. They disappeared from the clearing and straight away, without even discussing anything, we were already preparing plans for Bella.

I jumped into one of the cars, I don't know whose. I let them take me wherever they were going. I wasn't listening to their plans, or their worries. I was scared; no-one knew James as well as I did. No-one understood that he wasn't going to stop. He was such a monster, so evil, so mean, how could he say that when I was right there. I was standing next to him, how could he?

I was waiting to wake up, waiting to wake up and see it was all a nightmare, nothing more than a nightmare. I tried everything, pinching myself, slapping my face, but nothing was waking me up. Why wasn't I waking up? This had to be a dream, because this wouldn't happen. It just wouldn't, it can't. Wake up Nia, wake up.

We reached home, and they had already made a plan, though I had no idea of what it was, and it felt silly to ask of it now. Bella and Edward were not home, was that part of the plan; please tell me it was part of the plan.

We went into the garage. Carlisle was doing something, Esme was doing something, Emmett, Jasper and Alice were preparing the cars. What was going on and what was my roll in all of this? Edward and Bella finally came through. Edward threw some of Bella's clothes at Rosalie and Esme; he told them to put the clothes on so James would get confused by the scents; James was a little smarter than that.

"Well, we're going to have to try aren't we?" Edward said to me, angry at my thoughts. Everyone was buzzing around, trying to do things and sort things out.

"He needs a distraction;" I said all of a sudden, "let me go, let me distract him."

"No," Edward said bluntly.

"Then tell me what to do," I said.

"You're not doing anything."

"What?"

"Nia," Carlisle said, "this is too hard for you. You're too vulnerable. You should stay here, keep yourself safe, don't worry about us,"

"Keep myself safe?! Don't worry about you?! Are you being serious?" I screeched, I couldn't believe what Carlisle was asking of me.

"I'm helping, I'm doing something, give me something to do!" I demanded. But no-one was listening to me.

"So what, you expect me to sit at home waiting to hear if my family are dead or not?" I was outraged.

"It's what I want you to do," Edward said, "so just do it." I didn't have time to fight back; they were all ready to go. Bella was in the car, the others ready to drive, others ready to run, there was nothing they would let me do now. The cars drove off, and Edward watched his love drive away. Then he was ready to go. I caught his arms tightly before he left,

"Call me as soon as you find out anything," I said. He nodded and then ran into the darkness, followed by Rosalie and Emmett.

I went up to the house and sat on the sofa in silence. I was supposed to sit and wait. I couldn't help, or make a difference, I simply had to sit and wait. Five minutes went by, and I had not moved at all. I stared at the phone lying on the table before me. That didn't move either.

I thought I saw something out of the window, but when I looked, there was nothing. And then I saw something again, I'm sure it wasn't there before, but it wasn't moving. It was stationary and silent.

When I looked more closely, I saw what it was. James was standing in the middle of the drive, staring up at me. This was my time to do something, my time to help. I was going to keep him here for as long as I could, because that way, Bella could get a head start, and that way, I might be able to give her those few more minutes of hope.


	21. 20 Persuasion

**20. PERSUASION**

I ran outside and towards James. He was still silent and continued to stare.

"Why?" I managed to whisper, but he didn't say anything still.

"James, please don't do this," I whispered, and again he was hushed.

"She's my friend. She means a lot to me. I love her like she's family," I said.

"Yes, but you also love me," he finally said something.

"If _you _love _me_, then you wouldn't do this," I said, "if you really love me, you wouldn't hurt me like this."

"If you really love me, then you wouldn't have let me down like you did," he retorted.

"That was different."

"Yeah, it's always different with you isn't it?"

"James, just please don't do this," I pleaded.

"Your persuasion techniques are awful," he joked.

"I thought I wouldn't need to persuade you," I lied, "I thought you would do this, for me, the woman you supposedly love."

"Why don't you just stop doubting my love for you, because we both know its real," he fought.

"Oh really? Is it? So in your eyes, if you love someone, you go and kill their best friend?"

"It's not like that, I can't resist," he said.

"Find the will to resist!" I shouted, "If I can, why cant you?"

"Because you're stronger than me," he admitted.

"Yes, I know."

"Why can't you accept who I am?" he asked.

"Because if this – what you're doing now, if this is you, it's disgusting. Its mean, it's sick, evil-minded. Any other adjectives you can think of?" I said.

"Well you just have to deal with it," he poorly said.

"I have, for the past sixty-six years! I've stuck by you, even after I found out about the truth and who you really are, I've stuck by you!" I shouted.

"How?" James asked.

"Because, not even for a second, did I ever stop loving you."

"What, you think _I_ stopped loving _you_?" he asked.

"Well you did replace me – Victoria?"

"She never replaced you."

"But she doesn't know that does she?" I asked, "Why did you come here anyway, hm?"

"To give you one last chance," he said. I raised my eyebrows.

"Come with me now, say you'll be with me, and we can go right back to how we used to be or I go, and I find your friend," he knew how to play the game, that's for sure.

"That's not fair," I said.

"Fine," and he began to run into the forest. I couldn't do this, could I? If it meant saving Bella, than I would have to deal with it.

"Okay!" I yelled after him, and I ran to meet him halfway.

"What?" he asked when I was close in front of him.

"Okay, I'll be with you," I murmured, looking at his naked chest.

"Now look into my eyes and tell me that," he said. I lifted my head and glared into his candy apple red eyes. I opened my mouth, but I couldn't say the words. I tried to force them out, but it wouldn't happen.

"I'm sorry," I finally breathed. He put his long, thin, icy hand on my face.

"Me too," he whispered and just as I thought he was going to lean in and kiss me, he ran off leaving me helpless and powerless.

I knew that as I stood here, the man I love had just left for his mission; to kill my best friend.


	22. 21 Gone Forever

**21. GONE FOREVER**

I had returned to my spot on the sofa, and returned my stare to the phone. It had been almost an hour since James left, he was tracking down Bella, and I had been told to sit here, and do nothing.

I couldn't help but feel selfish. I had put myself before Bella. I had put my own happiness before Bella's, was that not an egotistic thing to do? Edward would be disappointed in me, the whole family would be. It would all be my fault that Bella's had to go through this traumatic experience.

The phone vibrated once, before I flicked it up and answered.

"Edward?" I asked anxiously.

"He's changed his mind, he's figured it out. We're changing the plan, but don't worry, everything's sorted." Edward hung up before I could say anything to redeem my role in this. I pushed the phone shut and threw it onto the table. James had sussed out our little trick, he'd noticed that it wasn't Bella's scent anymore. Now, he would begin to think up a new plan. He would think of a way to get to Bella without Edward's protection.

Half an hour later, the phone buzzed again; I answered.

"Nia, sweetheart, you're not to worry, but Bella's gone off by herself, to her old ballet studio in Phoenix, James is there too, Edward, Alice, Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle are all on their way there."

Esme continued to speak, but I had thrown the phone onto the couch and was already running, running through the green the leaves and dark trees, running not thinking, just running to Phoenix, running to that ballet studio, running to Bella, running to save her.

I flicked every obstacle out of my way, the greenery around me merging into one earthy atmosphere. I didn't know how much longer I would have to run to get there; I didn't know what state I was in.

A line of people caught my eye. They were all running at a similar speed to me, but all a bit slower. I curved my direction of running, though I was still running forward, toward Bella. I joined Alice and the others, but we didn't say a word, we merely kept running. I was pushing ahead of the others, and I noticed Edward was not running with us, but that didn't matter, as long as some of us were there to protect Bella.

The sky was black, and the mood was dark. The brick building finally came into view from the forest. A window had been smashed, and we could hear banging coming from inside.

We climbed up and in through some open windows close to the top of the building. We flew down from the balcony and I saw the hall ahead of me. James and Edward were fighting; I had never seen Edward so menacing or angry. James didn't notice my presence.

I heard a painful scream, and looked to wherever the cry had come from. Glass was shattered all over the floor and blood was smeared across it. Bella lay in the centre of this mess, yelling in agony and pain. Alice and I ran over and kneeled down next to the poor, unfortunate human.

I looked at Bella's distressed face and then up at James; Emmett and Jasper had gone to help Edward. I quickly returned my focus back to the important person here. I assessed Bella's body, "She's got a broken leg and bad injuries to other places on her body," I couldn't believe _he _had done all this.

"My hand is burning!" Bella screamed. I looked over to her hand and saw a crescent shaped cut, with blood and venom oozing out from the slits. _He_ had been bitten her.

"What has he done?" I said more in distress than curiosity. The others called Alice's name, they needed her to finish him off. To rip off his head and throw it into the fire that was blazing behind them. Alice stood up and walked closer to James, Emmett and Jasper were holding his arms back. I stroked Bella's hair and kept telling her everything would be okay.

"Kill him Alice, c'mon!" they shouted. Alice didn't go any further, but turned to face me.

"Nia?" she asked my permission. I looked up at James in disgust and anguish, holding Bella's not bitten hand in my lap. His eyes were burning with lust and fury. James suddenly began to shout,

"No Nia, please! I love you. I love you!" I held my stare on James' face.

"Alice, just do it," I replied; it was the only way.

Alice didn't move again, and kept looking from me to James.

"Nia, please don't! I love you! Don't do this, I love you," he pleaded. Tears were gushing from my eyes.

"Alice please," I begged more sternly, she needed to do this.

"No Nia, you know you don't want this. Don't do it. I love you," he beseeched. He kept begging for forgiveness, asking me to let him go, but he should have known he was asking too much of me. His words were breaking me down and making me weak, I couldn't control the liquid flowing from my eyes.

"ALICE, JUST DO IT!" I screamed; I couldn't take anymore of his begging.

"Nia, no, please," James said again, but I think he knew that I wasn't going to stop her now. I know he knows because he said it himself, I'm stronger than him.

Alice began to run up to him, "Nia, I love you," was the last thing I heard him say.

I looked up and saw Alice remove his head from the rest of his body, I quickly turned away. That was it, he was gone. The hall all of a sudden became quieter and calmer.

Jasper and Emmett threw the other bits of _him _into the raging fire. I tried gasping for air, but nothing was flowing into my lungs. My heart pained like it had never done before. This was worse that when I found out about what _he _was really like. Far worse than when I saw _him _with Victoria. Much worse than when he didn't kiss me goodbye, worse than anything ever. I really couldn't breathe.

Bella was still crying out in agony on the floor, Edward and Carlisle were both doing something.

"Nia, why don't you go and get some fresh air?" Carlisle said. I didn't respond. When I stood up, I wobbled as I tried to walk to the door.

When I went outside, the cold night air hit my face hard, and I tumbled to the ground. I hadn't any energy to pick myself up. I lay crying on the floor like a pathetic little person, everything had worked out for the best, but I wasn't happy. I should be overjoyed that _he _was gone, I never had to deal with _his _preposterous behaviour again, _he _could never annoy me ever again and I wasn't happy, because these were the things I would miss most.

I only now realised the ground was very cold and hard…like _his _skin. The air was bitter and icy…like _his_ touch. All these small things, I could never experience again, because _he _was gone. I suddenly missed everything about him. I wanted his arms to wrap around me and keep me warm, even though he was frozen. His embrace was so welcoming to me, I wanted it back, but I couldn't have it, not now, not ever.

A different icy hand touched my arm, but it was not the one that I loved so.

"Nia, I know you're hurting, but we're going home now," Jasper said nicely.

"Leave me here; I don't want to go back. I can't go back to that house right now," I whimpered.

"Edward and Carlisle are taking Bella to the hospital, you could perhaps go with them," Jasper suggested.

"Yeah. Fine. I'll go with them," I agreed.

He helped me get up onto two feet without tumbling over. I felt sorry for Jasper; he could feel my emotions as strongly as I felt them myself.

"Don't worry about me," he said, sensing I was concerned about him.

The drive back to Forks was long and tiring. I wasn't thinking about anything. For the whole journey, my mind was a white screen; I was emotionless and didn't want to think about any other thing that could distract me from plain whiteness.

When we got to the hospital, I felt a minute bit better because things were simple here, I understood why everything was happening and what everyone was saying meant sense.

What distressed me even more was not Bella in that state; she was peaceful and asleep. It was not Carlisle and his worried being.

It was seeing Edward in such pain and anguish, waiting for his loved one to wake up, and knowing that I could wait my whole life, but _my _loved one, was never going to wake up.


	23. 22 Recovery

**22. RECOVERY**

Charlie and Renée had been informed about Bella's 'accident' and Renée, Bella's mother, came to the hospital as soon as. She sat in the room with Bella, while Edward pretended to be asleep at the side. I was lying across the chairs outside, watching the legs walk past.

Renée had come out and said goodbye to me. I figured Edward would want to spend some time talking to Bella, but I had to speak to her now.

I walked into her room; it was bright and hurt my eyes. Bella was lying on a narrow bed, in the midst of wires and cables and machines. She looked so frail and unbelievably more pale than usual.

"Hey Bells," I muttered when I came in. I sat beside her bed on the uncomfortable chair.

"Hey, how are you?" she was sweetly concerned about me, when she was the one lying in hospital.

"Me? Don't be silly," I said, mainly because I didn't want to answer that question truthfully, "how are _you_?" I returned.

"Me? Don't be silly," she mirrored. She chuckled, but I couldn't even smile, though I wanted to.

"Bella, I wanted to say how sorry I am, for everythi-" I stopped because I noticed the scar on her hand. It was a crescent shaped scar, still very red. The scar reminded me of him, and then I couldn't speak, I know Bella and Edward were waiting for me to continue, but I kept staring at the scar, thinking that it would be a hallucination and would go away, but it didn't and just became more vivid.

"I'm sorry," I breathed, "for everything. For everything he's done…for everything he did. I'm sorry." I rapidly left the room, not taking another look back. When I got outside of the corridor and into the wider space, I took a deep breath.

Things are going to be hard for a while, who knew when they would get back to normal? But I had to try, for Bella and Edward's sake, not to show how I'm feeling because it won't do them any good.

I hated it, but I had to lie. I hated lying and what it did to people. It could ruin relationships, I knew that. But lying was my only option. Showing my true feelings would make things worse, it would make people worry about me and I don't want that. I've got to suck it up, suck it all in and look at things positively. A man with blonde hair walked past.

It would be hard to do, when everything reminded me of _him_.


	24. 23 Trapped

**23. TRAPPED**

The thought of what James had done still lingered in my head. I wanted to do something that would keep my mind off things, but on the other hand I didn't want to do anything. The others were getting ready for prom. It had come around so quickly, I hadn't noticed at all. They tried to talk me into going, yeah and show everyone how depressed and upset I was, right.

"Are you sure you don't want to come? It's going be fun," Alice called from her room. It wouldn't be fun, I already knew that, but maybe it's worth getting out of the house. She would have seen the future; having made up my mind and she would come running into my room any second now… and here she is. She did come running into my room, all jittery and excited. She opened my wardrobe and picked out a red dress, one that still had the tag on.

"I bought this for you and you never even noticed," she squeaked, far too excited for me. The dress was nice. It crossed over the chest and flowed out at the bottom, came just above my knee. There were two strips of material criss-crossed across the back. It was simple, but elegant.

"Get changed and then I'll do your make up," Alice said. I stood up and got dressed; Alice re-entered straight away and put on some make-up quickly. I strolled downstairs, while Alice skipped her way down the steps. Carlisle and Esme were going to have a cosy night in. Emmett and Jasper stood by the kitchen counter, looking very handsome and eager to get this over and done with. Edward had already left to pick up Bella. Rosalie looked beautiful, as usual. Her dress was fitted and black; she made something so simple look so amazing. Alice looked pretty nice too. I hadn't looked in the mirror, but I could guess that I didn't look nice, I didn't feel nice.

Esme and Carlisle wished us all a good time as we left the house and slid carefully into the car; I had to make sure I didn't rip my dress before I even got there, something which I would do.

When we arrived at prom, I saw all the humans so excited and most of them looked very nice. I felt totally out of place here, with all these smiling, happy faces – and then me.

There was one person who didn't go to this school, but sat by the edge of the forest anyway.

"Jacob," I greeted.

"Hey, Nia. Wow, you look really hot," he said.

"Really? Oh, thanks," I replied, "what are you doing here anyway?"

"I came to talk to Bella," he said.

"Cool, well have a nice night," I said, and then went inside.

There were coloured strobe lights scanning the walls and ceiling, peoples faces lit up different colours as the lights passed over them. They all danced together, moving in the same directions in unison. I also noticed that no-one was alone, only me. Everyone else had come with a partner, just not me.

I stayed by the side of the room. The loud music base pumped through all of their bodies, but barely entered my ears. I watched all the smiling faces move around to the beat of the music, and I would have joined them, but the energy seemed to have drained out of me.

The theme was Monte Carlo, so there were gambling machines on the other side of the room. Girls were spinning, boys were grinning, their outfits all lovely and handsome. Most girls were wearing their hair down, but some were up; mine was up. Some curled, some straight, some wavy, some short and bobbed.

The girl standing directly in front of me was right on the other side of the room. I couldn't see her face, only her back. Her hair was tied up into a twisted bun. I didn't recognize her from school. Her outfit was interesting too, not anything like what others girls were wearing, or would ever wear. Her hair was a reddy-orange, like fire. It was hard to see properly in the dark room. She turned to the left, so I saw some of her face; she was extremely pale, and had a small nose and eyes. Could it be?

I slowly sauntered through the dancing crowd, gradually making my way to the other side. People kept blocking my path and I had to find a way around them, but the girl with hair like fire never left my sight. I was pushing people out of the way now, eager to see this woman. My heart rate had increased and I could hear myself breathing deeply.

There were still approximately five people dancing between us, but she turned around, so that I could see her face. I couldn't be one-hundred percent sure, but I thought it was Victoria. Then our eyes met, she squinted at me. It was her, I was sure of it.

I felt a push to the right side of me and I lost focus.

"Sorry," Tyler shouted over the loud music.

"It's okay," I replied, much too quiet for him to hear, but I was trying to find her again. It was like she had vanished into the sweaty, heavy air. I searched frantically around me, but I couldn't see her. Maybe I was seeing things, I do that sometimes. I probably am, I'm not in the right frame of mind, why would she be here anyway?

I wasn't having fun like Alice said I would, so I went to find Edward so he could take me home. I know he won't mind. He and Bella weren't inside, so I went out back. They were swaying to the soft music underneath the gazebo; like a fairytale picture. They were smiling and laughing and kissing. Just because I'm not happy, it doesn't mean I have to ruin Edward's night too.

I sat in a quiet corner and took my shoes off, lucky my feet didn't smell, or this would be really awkward. The night was slow, but I didn't want to spoil it for any of my family. A few people came to talk to me, Mike Newton gave me evils. When we were all ready to go home, I couldn't help but show I was relieved.

When we got home, Esme asked how the night was, but I let the others do the talking. Edward had dropped Bella off and returned home too. I went upstairs and when I had finished getting out of 'pretend everything's alright' mode, I sat on the edge of my bed in my pyjamas and did some thinking.

I can't remember when I last smiled. I try so hard, but every time I do, it ends up looking like I'm constipated, and we all know it's impossible for me to be constipated. I thought _he_ would leave me alone if he died. But he's taken things that didn't belong to him, they were mine. He's taken my smile away from me, my energy, my heart, my speech! I hardly ever speak now, what's up with that? The most talkative person on the planet isn't speaking?

Edward came in and sat down next to me, not crinkling the bed sheets, but making the bed dip just a little.

"Que pasa?" what's up, he asked. My mouth twitched, but it didn't smile.

"No mucho. Y tu?" I don't know why we were speaking in Spanish, but it was nice to speak differently for a change.

"No te preocupe por mi," he said that I was not to worry about him.

"Y mi," and me, I said, "sólo te preocupe por Bella," you just worry about Bella, I told him.

He smiled at my amazing Spanish skills and possibly because I mentioned the person who he always smiles about, whenever I mention her name.

"It's all my fault," I suddenly said unconsciously.

"Nia, no it's not," Edward tried to defend me. I shook my head at him and looked into his face.

"But it is."

He sighed and put his head in his hands.

"Think about it Edward, you know I'm right," I could feel a gush of tears hiding behind my eyes. "What happened to Bella would have never happened if I weren't here."

"I don't want to talk about it," Edward said, upset.

"But it's true. When he first showed up, I told him to leave but I knew he wouldn't. If I had just left, then he wouldn't have been in Forks anymore. If I had gone, far away from you, he wouldn't have been here. It was me he was after. He was in the area because of me. The only reason he was in Forks was because of me. If I weren't here, he would have never found Bella. He would have never smelt her. He would have never bit her. He would have never… never tried…never tried to kill her," the last few words I spoke into Edward's t-shirt, sobbing harder than almost ever before.

When I pulled myself up, there was a wet patch by the shoulder. I pulled myself together so I and Edward could understand what I was saying. If he could cry, I bet he would be.

"I never said sorry," I whispered, and Edward shushed me and pulled me back into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," I sobbed again.

After I had cried and calmed down a little, I sat upright and, though it hurt, I looked at Edward.

"It wasn't your fault, and don't ever say it was again," Edward kindly said. I tried that smile again, but the constipated face showed up for a second time.

"Edward I've been thinking…and I want you to promise me something."

"What is it?" Edward said.

"Promise me that you'll never forget me. Whatever happens, promise me that you'll always be my favourite cousin."

He laughed and I realised how 'pretty' Edward actually was. His teeth were bright and white, but his lips a deep crimson. His hair was bronze and flicked out in the right places. His complexion was practically perfect. He made me feel safe.

"I promise to be your favourite cousin," he said smoothly, "your brother." I had thought of my cousins as my brothers and sisters for a while now, but it was nice to know that at least one of them felt the same way back.

"And I promise that you will always be _my_ favourite cousin," he continued, "my sister." I looked respectfully up at Edwards perfect face; a face that said thanks.

"Nia, you have been more of a sister to me than any of the others. I promise that no matter what happens, I'll be there, looking out for you. I'll always be there, helping you. I'll always be there, to save you from whatever you need saving from…always." Well who knew Edward could be so sweet. I think I smiled at him, but it happened so quickly, it might have just been a twitch.

"Thank you Edward," I murmured and hugged him tightly, taking in his musty smell and refreshingly cold skin, his breath on the back of my neck. Taking in every moment as it came. Knowing that if my life carried on like this; a living nightmare, my body might become numb and myself immune to all around me. I might not be able to feel anything but pain soon. I had to grasp these happy moments.

Before Edward could get up and leave, I placed my hand on the side of his face, my thumb just below his eye and I looked into it.

"Look after Bella," I said, my voice sounding sad but caring, "don't let her go," I whispered. I didn't want those two to go through this mess. If Edward hurt Bella like that, he would get two tight slaps, a kick up the arse and a kick to another certain area, which I'm sure, would hurt very much.

He chuckled and made a painful face, "ooh, I wouldn't want to get kicked there, especially not by you."

"Bye hun," I said as Edward walked out of the room and slowly down the stairs, taking a deep breath at the top and releasing it at the bottom.

As soon as Edward left, all the hope of me being happy evaporated and vanished, as I sat on the bed. I could feel the tears building behind the surface, about to spill out of the edge of my lower eyelid.

What was I going to do now? Everyone is happy besides me. Edward has Bella, Alice has Jasper, Emmett has Rosalie, Carlisle has Esme, and who do I have? I've got no-one. No-one to kiss me and tell me everything's going to be alright. No-one to hold me close and sing me to sleep. I guess I haven't had that anyway, but it was always a possibility.

When…_he _was alive, there was always a possibility that I might change my mind, a chance that we could be together again, a way in which something would change and I would forget everything and we would be one.

The dreams have been awful, too much for me to bear. I thought that if…_he _died, they would die too – the nightmares. I thought that _he_ would completely leave me; I would forget my past and move on like it had never happened. I thought that if _he…_if _he _went, then my feelings for him would go too.

I was wrong, I was so very wrong. This has made things so much worse. The nightmares are worse. The feeling is worse. My heart is worse. I wonder if _he _had stayed _alive, _if this would be any easier. Would I feel this crap and ruined if _he _were still _alive? _

There was no way I was going to love anyone else. I'm alone. I would always be alone, and that was something I had to deal with. I should have known that the torment of true love was too much for me to handle. I would have to live with it for the rest of my eternal life…or would I? Maybe my life doesn't have to be eternal; I could stop it from being an endless nightmare. I gave into the tears, and the first, single one dribbled across my cheek as I realised what I was considering. I can't believe I am stooping so low, but it seems like the only way to make the pain go away.

I could go to them. I could ask them. I could give this nightmare an ending. Just by asking one simple question, giving one simple demand…

Kill me.


End file.
